BEST AND WORST OF 2007

Worst Ad of 2007

In addition to the Best Quotes of 2007, here below are some of the ways that I will remember 2007:

Most Blatant Miscarriage of Justice:

Blogger Josh Wolf served 226 days in a California prison for refusing to turn over his videotape of a protest at the G8 Summit ...

... while Scooter Libby served not a day in jail for lying and obstructing a CIA leak investigation involving major breaches of national security.

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Most Ridiculous Song Lyric:

And I'm going to miss you, like a child misses that blanket!
-from Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry"

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Best Reason Not To Move to Alabama:

Penalty for selling a gun to a minor: maximum fine of $500

Penalty for selling a vibrator: $10,000 fine + up to one year in jail for first-time offender

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Best Season Finale:

Vivica A. Fox shutting the door on Susie Essman.



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Best Writing about Harry Potter Not Penned by J. K. Rowling:

Unauthorized Chinese translations of Harry Potter books

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Most Wonderful Thing About Owning an iPhone:

Having only one device to listen to music, read the interwebs, and ignore your voicemails.

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Least Wonderful Things About Owning an iPhone:

Not being able to cut and paste text. Or play games. Or record tasks. Or sync with Outlook notes. And having to switch to AT&T.

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Lamest Boy Scout Merit Badge:

Respecting Copyrights

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Biggest Sign That Mike Huckabee Could Be Worse Than George W. Bush:

In response to the assassination of Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan, Gov. Huckabee argued for building a fence between the U.S. and Mexico to keep illegal Pakistanis from coming into the country.

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No, Actually, This is the Biggest Sign That Mike Huckabee Could Be Worse Than George W. Bush:

He still stands by his statement in 1992 that those with AIDS should be quarantined and isolated from the general public.

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Best Story That One Man Lived to Tell:

Ben Carpenter's electric wheelchair got accidentally jammed into the grill of a semi and ended up going down a highway for several miles at 50 mph before police finally alerted the truck driver about his extra passenger.



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Most Random Subject To Write About (and Get Paid for):



How one of the Dixie Chicks popped one of my zits.

(Runner-up: Urinating next to Smokey Robinson)

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Best Sign That The Conflict in the Middle East Goes Far Beyond Muslims and Jews:

A few days after Christmas, Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests came to blows in the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem (where Jesus was allegedly born) and started a major broom fight while cleaning the church. Palestinian police were called in to separate the warring factions.

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Weakest Hip Hop Battle:

Kanye West vs. 50 Cent

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Best Hip Hop Battle:

Rapper Travell Price shot by a feuding MC outside a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant


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Best Comment on Poplicks:

"maybe after his wife leaves him he can broaden his horizons and branch out a bit!"
- sean (in response to the post about the man with tree-like growths on his skin)

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Worst Way To Avoid Being Attacked While Walking The Streets:

A cloth vending machine disguise



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Most Revealing Song for OJ Simpson to be Caught Whistling After Allegedly Committing Armed Robbery:

"If I Only Had A Brain"

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Best Nickname for David Petraeus:

'The Surgin' General'
(beating out 'General Betray Us')

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Best Reason Not To Play Slots:

Urine-soaked seats

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Best Attempt to Make Flautists Look Cool:

Greg Patillo

--Junichi

BEST SONGS OF 2007

Once again, I've humbly assembled my list of what I consider to be the Top 100 singles of the year.

As one might have predicted twenty years ago, this year's #1 song is an R&B slow jam by the son of the star of Growing Pains. (For you purists, I realize that both #1 and #2 were technically released in 2006, but you're just going to have to deal.)

This is one of the most bizarre and unpredictable year-end song lists ever. My list includes "The Way I Are" and the grammatically preferable "The Way I Am." It also hosts both J-Ro and J. Lo, two songs about hospitals, two "chemical" artists, at least two French artists, two instrumental songs, and one totally a cappella track. Plus, the song with vocals in the highest pitch range is sung by a man, Christophe Willem. And what 2007 list would be complete without appearances by Paul Simon and Robert Plant?

Without further delay, herein lies my list of the top songs of the year.

1. Lost Without U - Robin Thicke
2. Naive - The Kooks
3. Roc Boys (And The Winner Is.....) - Jay-Z feat. Kanye West
4. Keep The Car Running - Arcade Fire
5. Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
6. Good Life - Kanye West feat. T-Pain
7. Discover Tokyo - Shuta Hasunuma
8. Cinderella Under The Umbrella - Rihanna feat. Jay-Z and Chris Brown
   
9. Talking Old Soldiers - Bettye LaVette
10. The Way I Are - Timbaland Feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E.
11. Sober - Kelly Clarkson
12. Innocence - Björk
13. Tenderoni (Radio Edit) - Chromeo
14. Like This - Kelly Rowland
15. D.A.N.C.E. (Benny Blanco Mix) - Justice Featuring Mos Def and Spank Rock
16. They Call Me Mr. Tibbs Main Title (King Britt vocal reinterpretation featuring Mr. Lif) - Czech Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra
17. Love Stoned/I Think She Knows (Justice Remix) - Justin Timberlake
18. Wait For You - Elliott Yamin
19. House Of Cards - Radiohead
20. Take Me Home - Brother Ali
21. The Game - Common
22. The Midnight Choir - The Thrills
23. Gimme More - Britney Spears
24. Because Of You - Ne-Yo
25. Easy Silence - Dan Wilson
26. Gotta Work - Amerie
27. Great Divide - Hanson
28. Apologize - OneRepublic
29. Kanske Ar Jag Kar i Dig - Jens Lekman
30. Archangel - Burial
31. Rehab (Desert Eagle Remix) - Amy Winehouse
32. Hard Sun - Eddie Vedder
33. Release - Timbaland Feat. Justin Timberlake
34. Sucka Mofo - Northern State
35. Inversion - Mark Ronson
36. Long And Whining Road - Public Enemy
37. Me And My Imagination - Sophie Ellis Bextor
38. Late In The Evening - Spanish Harlem Orchestra
39. Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard & Marketa Iglóva
40. Stronger - Kanye West
41. Happy Ending - Mika
42. Ayo Technology - 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake
    
43. Stick With Me Baby - Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
44. 1 2 3 4 - Feist
45. Someone Great - LCD Soundsystem
46. Oh Timbaland - Timbaland
47. Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors - Editors
48. Hip Hop Police - Chamillionaire feat. Slick Rick
49. Ain't No Time - Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
50. The Pretender - Foo Fighters
51. The Story - Brandi Carlile
52. Sirens - Dizzee Rascal
53. Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
54. Hot Thing (Remix) - Talib Kweli feat. Jean Grae, Ne-Yo, and Luther Vandross
55. Feel It (In The Air Tonight) - Naturally 7
56. Lip Gloss - Lil Mama
57. Famous In A Small Town - Miranda Lambert
58. Hate That I Love You - Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo
59. No One - Alicia Keys
60. Ice Box - Omarion
61. Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You) - UGK feat. Outkast
    
62. Champion - Kanye West
63. Rec-Room Therapy - Ghostface Killah feat. Raekwon & U-God
64. I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I`m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) - Fall Out Boy
65. Tambourine (Remix) - Eve feat. Missy Elliott, Fabolous and Swizz Beatz
66. Paper Planes - M.I.A.
67. It Don't Make Any Difference To Me (Acoustic) - Kevin Michael feat. Akil Dasan
68. Heart Made Of Sound - SoftLightes
69. I Tried - Bone Thugs 'N' Harmony feat. Akon
    
70. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
71. Bull In the Heather - The Go! Team
72. Conquest - The White Stripes
73. How Lucky We Are - Meiko
74. Four Winds - Bright Eyes
75. I Got It From My Mama - Wil.I.Am.
76. Gotta Say It - Smif N Wessun
77. Until The End Of Time (Remix) - Justin Timberlake feat. Beyonce
78. Put It Down - Redman feat. DJ Kool
79. Teknochek Collision - Slavic Soul Party
80. Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
81. Come Around - M.I.A. feat. Timbaland
82. The Anthem - Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon
    
83. Bed - J. Holiday
84. Our Life is Not a Movie or Maybe - Okkervil River
85. Sex Planet - R. Kelly
86. Double Je - Christophe Willem
87. You Call That Love - J-Ro feat. Chords
    
88. Down The Line - Jose Gonzalez
89. Boy With A Coin - Iron & Wine
90. Shirk - Meshell Ndegeocello
91. Imitosis - Andrew Bird
92. Take Me To The Ballroom - Moonbabies
93. Teenagers - My Chemical Romance
94. Do It Well - Jennifer Lopez feat. Ludacris
    
95. Do It Again (Ali Love) - The Chemical Brothers
96. Going To A Town - Rufus Wainwright
97. Whine Up - Kat DeLuna feat. Elephant Man
98. Watch My Feet - Dude 'N Nem
99. Nessun Dorma - Paul Potts
100. F#@% Me - Wendy Ho

As an added bonus, I've uploaded all 100 Mp3s to imeem for your listening pleasure:




P.S. I am leaving the country tomorrow and will be mostly off-line until Kwanzaa. While I'm away, feel free to tear up my song choices, even though I won't be around to defend it and convince you that it's the perfect list.

--Junichi

BEST QUOTES OF 2007

Again, in keeping with my on-going losing battle with OCD, I wrote down all the outrageous, inspiring, offensive, enraging, insipid, bewildering, or hilarious statements made in 2007. Enjoy. -JPS


"Yeah, they got the eyes like they're Oriental, and, you know, it's all pulled. So make sure you do it right."
- Pat Robertson, noting that people like Fox News host Greta Van Susteren who get plastic surgery have strange-looking eyes


"Welcome to Scotland"
- Scotland's new slogan, which is what an ad agency came up with for a new "exciting" slogan after spending six months on the initiative and getting paid 125,000 pounds -- about $258,750 -- by the Scottish government


"Since when did I become the spokesperson for nappy-headed hos?"
- Wanda Sykes, on being contacted by every media outlet for her views on Don Imus. She also added, I "thought Imus died, like, nine years ago. ... [He has] one of those faces that belongs in the obituaries."


"I need to get a greater vocabulary than what I have and when I get mad and my brain searches for a word. I have to find different words and to do that you need to have more of an education."
- Duane (Dog) Chapman, on Hannity & Colmes


"Oh, it's not really a team. It's just a bunch of guys who like doing gymnastics!"
- Kenneth, after being asked by Will Arnett's character what team he plays for, on 30 Rock


"I couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it’s run by blacks, primarily black patronship. ... There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.'"
- Bill O'Reilly


"During the Democratic debate Tuesday night, Senator Joe Biden criticized Republican candidate Rudy Giuliani, saying, 'There's only three things he mentions in a sentence -- a noun, a verb, and 9/11.' Giuliani later responded, saying, 'Joe Biden sucks 9/11.'"
-Seth Meyers, Weekend Update


"Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don't want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her."
-Bill Maher

Actual Spirit Airlines Ad

"Not at all ... The most obscene thing we've noticed is what other carriers have charged to fly the Caribbean before Spirit's $9 fares."
- Juan Arbelaez, director of communications for Spirit Airline's Latin American market, when asked whether it was aware that their MILF ("Many Islands, Low Fares") marketing campaign had other implications


"Talk to you later, Buckwheat."
- Democratic Rep. Carla Blanchard Dartez, ending a conversation with Hazel Boykin, a black civil-rights veteran who had helped her campaign


"I will love you through your maggots."
- Midge Dallas, to her husband, behind whose bleeding head was an infestation of tiny bot fly larvae, after a trip to Belize


"As a child in the Deep South, I’d grown up fearing the lynch mobs of the Ku Klux Klan; as an adult, I was starting to wonder if I’d been afraid of the wrong white people all along. ... My worst fears had come to pass not in Georgia, but in Washington, D.C., where I was being pursued not by bigots in white robes but by left-wing zealots draped in flowing sanctimony."
- Justice Clarence Thomas, in his memoir, My Grandfather’s Son


"On the downside, Jefferson faces 235 years in prison. On the upside, now we know what it takes for the federal government to pay some attention to a black man from New Orleans."
-Jon Stewart, on the indictment of Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA)


"Go, Raiders."
- Robert Comer's last words before being executed in Arizona


"My idea of getting lucky in the men's room is when the motion sensor works on the faucet."
- David Letterman on Late Show with David Letterman


"I wish the Iranian people well, and only hope their experience with an inept, rigid ideologue president goes better than ours."
- Oliver Stone, after being refused from filming a documentary about Ahmadinejad in Iran


"In Iran, we don't have homosexuals, like in your country."
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, at Columbia University


"We are what is wrong, and we must make it right."
- Al Gore, accepting the Nobel Peace Prize


"Yeah, well maybe next time, you will estimate me."
- Michael, to Jan, who said she underestimated him, on The Office


"Denzel Washington is part of every black family's household. Your mother loves him, your grandmother loves him -- he's the only man that your girlfriend can say, 'Oh, Denzel is fine,' and you won't say nothin' about it."
- RZA, on working with Denzel on American Gangster


"For someone who went to parochial schools all his life this is a very frightening thing that is happening right now."
— Rudy Giuliani, after lightning hit the building while he was discussing his views on abortion during a debate between the GOP presidential candidates.

"'You know, when your dad and I were first together we used to video tape everything. Everybody’s naked, hugging, kissing, all that good stuff and someone stole the tape.' And I remember when we were watching the film [Borat] and [her son] Dylan goes: 'You mean everybody has seen this?' And I said, 'Yes.'"
- Pamela Anderson, on what she told her kids before they watched the film Borat


"I'm more of a man than any liberal."
- Ann Coulter


"Pot. It mightn't kill you, but it could turn you into a dickhead."
- The tag line in an Australian government ad to discourage teenage use of marijuana


"A headline last Sunday about a Muslim man and an Orthodox Jewish woman who are partners in two Dunkin’ Donuts stores described their religions incorrectly. The two faiths worship the same God — not different ones."
- New York Times correction


"During this trial, I've had to sit there and listen to rie after rie."
- Stephen Sakai, a Brooklyn bouncer on trial for triple homicide, speaking in a comically fake Asian accent


"Robert Adler, the co-inventor of the TV remote, died this week at the age of 93. In accordance with his wishes, he will be buried between two enormous sofa cushions."
- Amy Poehler, on SNL's Weekend Update


"It's ready for a retarded president, why wouldn't it be ready for an African American president?"
- Chris Rock, upon being asked whether this country is ready for an African American president


"I fear that radical Muslims ... would love to see 'In God We Trust' stricken from our money and replaced with 'In Muhammad We Trust.'"
- Rep. Virgil Goode (R-Virginia), on the house floor


"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE ISLAND IS?"
-Lost writer/producer Carlton Cuse's picket sign


"The American people believe English should be the official language of the government. ... We should replace bilingual education with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and they learn the language of prosperity, not the language of living in a ghetto."
- Newt Gingrich

"Sting, you the only Police that's good in the hood!"
- Kanye West, while on stage with The Police, at Live Earth


"[My son] Casey died for a country which cares more about who will be the next American Idol than how many people will be killed in the next few months while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives."
- Cindy Sheehan


"That's because I read it."
- Rep. Dennis Kucinich, explaining why he was the only candidate at the Las Vegas Democratic debate who had voted against the Patriot Act


"Where did you two meet, an AMBER Alert?"
- Jack, to Liz , about Liz's much younger date, on 30 Rock


"There were only two of them, but they made a whole frontage: huge, compelling, pneumatic. They burst out of tight red dresses--preferably red--or teased among feather boas, or flanked a dizzying cleavage that plunged to tantalising depths. These were celebrated, American breasts, engineered by silicon to be as broad and bountiful as the prairie. With them, a girl from nowhere--or from Houston, Texas--could do anything. The body behind them waxed and waned, sometimes stout as a stevedore's and sometimes almost waif-like, matching the little-girl voice; but the Breasts remained."
- The Anna Nicole Smith obituary in The Economist


"When I have sex with my husband, I fantasize I am with a petite, hot young woman."
- Dolly Parton


"David Beckham's got my full support and the backing of all my people."
- Diddy

"No. there is an elephant in the way."
- Anonymous, in response to the above physics exam question


"People use music as a utensil to better themselves."
- Jessica Simpson


"As always, I rely on the jury system."
- O.J. Simpson, after a judge refused to dismiss his latest criminal charges


"Go back to Africa and do your gay voodoo limbo tango and wango dance and jump around and prance and run all over the place half naked there."
- Army Recruiter Sgt. Marcia Ramode in an E-mail to a gay black man seeking to enlist


"I want to be like Gandhi and Martin Luther King and John Lennon – but I want to stay alive."
- Madonna


"It has been reported that Rudolph Giuliani has trademarked the name 'Rudolph Giuliani' so other candidates can't use his name in negative campaign ads. ... For similar reasons, Hillary Clinton has trademarked the words 'ballbuster,' 'castrater,' and 'nutcruncher.'"
-Conan O'Brien


"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our [children]."
- Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen USA


"I love 'em ... except for the few sickos who write lesbian fan fiction about me and Bea Arthur.'"
-Betty White, on her fans, on Ugly Betty

--Junichi

THE 2006 WRAP-UP

Look, Mommy! Flat Daddy likes to ride bitch!

Second Most Painful Use of Tax Dollars: The Marine National Guard sent several hundred "Flat Daddies" -- cardboard cutouts of fathers in Iraq -- to their children (see above) to help them cope with their daddy's absence.

Most Painful Use of Our Tax Dollars: For the fourth year in a row, it's a tie between the rising American death count (almost 3,000) and the spiraling Iraqi civilian death count (officially, over 50,000, with a database to support the numbers).

Worst College Icebreaker: The College Republicans National Committee organized "Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day," encouraging students to pretend to be undocumented workers and hide on university campuses while others win prizes by finding them.

Best News Story Involving A Penis Pump: Madin Azad Amin tells airport security that a penis pump in his luggage was a bomb, to avoid embarrassment from having to reveal device to nearby mother.

Second Best News Story Involving A Penis Pump: Judge Donald D. Thompson was convicted and sent to prison for four years (four years!) for using a penis pump while presiding in his own courtroom.

Most Questionable Definition of Fair and Balanced: Debating whether a civil war in Iraq is "a good thing".

Most Amazing Demonstration of Dick Cheney's Power: Harry Whittington, the man whom Vice President Cheney accidentally shot in the face, apologized to Cheney for being shot in the face.

Best Song Title: "Baby Let’s Have A Baby Before Bush Do Somethin’ Crazy" - The Coup

Second Best Song Title: "Tacobel Canon" - Ratatat

Most Predictable Result of Research Involving The Mentally Ill: Christopher Lohse, a master's student at Southern Connecticut State University, proved a correlation between the severity of a person’s psychosis and their preferences for president: The more psychotic the voter, the more likely they were to vote for Bush.

Worst Instance of Free Product Placement: cocaine and crack, courtesy of hip hop in 2006 (Thanks, Young Jeezy! Love, Pablo Escobar, Jr.)

Best Reason to Believe the Moral Majority is Neither Moral Nor The Majority: According to ChristiaNet.com, one of the leading Christian web sites, 50% of all Christian men and 20% of Christian women are addicted to porn

Best Reason To Use Birth Control: Devin Haskin, age 3, pictured above, who crawled into a discharge chute of a Toy Chest claw machine at a Godfather's Pizza in Minnesota.

Best Reason Not To Use Birth Control: USC researchers discover that ozone (result of sunlight interacting with nitrogen oxides and hydrocarbons in smog) lowers men's sperm count.

Worst Example of Birth Control: Cops are probably hurled with insults like "Dick!" all the time, but rarely are they literally hurled with dicks: Chicago 33-year-old Jakub Fik resisted arrest by smashing car windows, throwing knives at seven cops, and then severing his own penis and throwing it at the officers. Apparently, he was upset over relationship problems with his girlfriend, who cannot possibly be worth severing one's genitalia over.

Poplicks Entry That Generated The Most Comments: The one about Matisyahu

Worst Method of Revealing One's C-Section Scars: Britney Spears

Top 3 Groups Who Did A Better Job At Reporting Than Reporters in 2006: (1) Documentary Filmmakers (When The Levees Broke = Best News Report Ever), (2) The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, (3) Bloggers.

Best Tool for Prosecutors and the Police: MySpace

Best Speech of 2006: "I stand by [President Bush]. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world." - Stephen Colbert, at the White House Correspondents Dinner, in front of W.

Worst Speech of 2006: At Ken Lay's funeral, Rev. William Lawson compared Lay to James Byrd, the black man dragged by a truck to his death by white supremacists in Jasper, Texas. In front of hundreds of mourners including Bush I, Rev. Lawson said, "Ken Lay was neither black nor poor, as James Byrd was, but I'm angry because Ken was the victim of a lynching."

Best Evidence That A Majority of Americans Will Believe Anything: According to ABC News, 64% of Americans perceive that scientists have "a lot of disagreement" about the existence of global warming.

Biggest Musical Trend That Blew Up and Fizzled in The Same Year: Hyphy movement

Best Example of Humility or Worst Example of Negotiation Skills: Oliver's excellent "Soul Sides" compilation LP, which doesn't have his name anywhere on the album cover

Paris Hilton Award for Most Irritating Person of the Year: Paris Hilton

Most Effective Crusader Defying Stereotypes About Asians: World's tallest man, Bao Xishun, is Asian. Plus, he saves dolphins. (I hate it when everyone assumes that I am unwilling to save dolphins.)

Most Outrageous Post 9-11 Decision By the Bush Administration: The Department of Homeland Security cut anti-terrorism funding to New York by 40% because it concluded that the city has no national icons or monuments that terrorists would likely attack. So while the Empire State Building, the NY Stock Exchange, the Statue of Liberty, and Times Square didn't make the list, Louisville's Churchill Downs race track and Old MacDonald's Petting Zoo in Huntsville, Alabama did make the list.

Best Reason to Cheer On Nintendo's Wii for Beating Sony's Playstation: White is Coming!

Best Christmas Present: Katsumi bodysuits

Worst Christmas Present: Your Very Own Stripper Pole

Best Demonstration That Life is Not Worth Living if James Brown Is No Longer On This Earth: Gerald Ford

Best Decision by NBC: Getting around FCC censors by putting the uncensored version of SNL's excellent "D**k in a Box" video on its website and on YouTube.

Worst Decision by NBC: Refusing to air ads for the documentary film Shut Up and Sing because they deemed the commercials "disparaging to President Bush."

Best YouTube Video of the Year Not Starring Little Superstar:

--Junichi

BEST QUOTES OF 2006

As part of my ongoing London Bridge with OCD, I wrote down all the outrageous, inspiring, offensive, enraging, insipid, bewildering, and/or hilarious statements made in 2006.

Here are my favorites ...


"Well, you know, this, too, will pass."
- Donald Rumsfeld, speaking on Rush Limbaugh's radio show in April about calls for his resignation

"You've taken me off my flight due to my taste in music? ... Where does it stop? What if I was wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt [or] odd socks, you know?"
- Harraj Mann, a 23-year-old cell-phone salesman of Indian descent, who spent his cab ride to the airport blasting the Clash's "London Calling" and Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song." When the taxi driver reported these suspicious activities to the police, Mann was interrogated as a terrorist suspect for three hours.

"Bob Sherwood's seat [in Pennsylvania] would have been overwhelmingly ours, if his mistress hadn't whined about being throttled."
- Grover Norquist, head of Americans for Tax Reform

"Are you going to ask that question with shades on?"
- President Bush to legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten

"My God is a God who wants me to have things. He wants me to bling!"
- Mary J. Blige

"Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that [they] had made a more progressive choice, like a white guy who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake."
- Michael Scott (Steve Carell), on finding out there is a black ex-con working for him, on The Office

"I probably did take my newfound freedom a little too far."
- Britney Spears, after being photographed in public with Paris Hilton and without underwear

"Winning isn't everything. It's just as important that we rub it in. Medal counts are a great, quantifiable way to say 'Yes, we're in an unpopular war, we're bitterly divided, and we're embroiled in scandal, but if you get all up in our bobsled grill, we'll bring the $%@# hammer down.'"
- Stephen Colbert, on the Winter Olympics

"Can we got on with this? I've got to do AIDS and Alzheimer's and land mines this afternoon, and I want to get back for Deal or No Deal. Plus, Gwyneth's making drumsticks."
- Coldplay's Chris Martin, waiting to do a charity spot, on Ricky Gervais' Extras

"[My cat] comes to me when she wants to be fed. And after I feed her -- guess what -- she's off to wherever she wants to be in the house, until the next time she gets hungry. She's smart enough to know she can't feed herself. She's actually a very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn't have to do anything for it, which is why I say this cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life."
- Rush Limbaugh

[My] book describes the abominable oppression and persecution in the occupied Palestinian territories, with a rigid system of required passes and strict segregation between Palestine's citizens and Jewish settlers in the West Bank. An enormous imprisonment wall is now under construction, snaking through what is left of Palestine to encompass more and more land for Israeli settlers. In many ways, this is more oppressive than what blacks lived under in South Africa during apartheid."
- President Jimmy Carter, in a brave op-ed in the LA Times

Congressman Mark Foley (R-Fla.): "Do I make you a little horny?"
Teen: "A little."
Foley: "Cool."
- from the transcript of a sexually explicit IM chat Foley had with a 16-year-old male page

"Overly friendly."
- Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert's office's initial characterization of Mark Foley's emails

"[Louisiana Gov. Kathleen] Blanco and [New Orleans Mayor Ray] Nagin do not get along at all. People died because of that."
- Spike Lee, in the commentary track to the When The Levees Broke DVD

"Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me."
- Senator Trent Lott

"Hip-Hop is too easy for me."
- Timbaland

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."
- President George W. Bush, to CBS News Anchor Katie Couric

"I'd rather have your sister."
- Italian soccer player Marco Materazzi, before Zinédine Zidane rammed his head into Materazzi's chest at the World Cup final

"Son of a terrorist whore!"
- what forensic lip-reading “labial analysts” at the Daily Mail in London concluded that Materazzi said after scrutinizing the videotape

"You're putting words in my mouth, just the way you put artificial facts in your head."
- David Letterman to Bill O'Reilly

"He found it an interesting book and a quick read. I don't want to go too deep into it, but we discussed the origins of existentialism."
- White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, on President Bush reading Albert Camus' The Stranger during his summer vacation

"I'll be honest, I felt an urge to squeeze him like a kitten and that led to the gesture I made. There was nothing behind it really."
- Vladimir Putin, explaining why he approached a young boy in a group of tourists, lifted his shirt, and kissed his bare stomach

"He raped 10 women. I never expected it from him. He surprised all of us. We all envy him."
- Russian President Vladimir Putin, referring to rape allegations against Israeli President Moshe Kasav, during an appearance with Israeli Foreign Minister Ehud Olmert in which a microphone was inadvertently left on

"[Kevin Federline] got canned the same week as Donald Rumsfeld. History will recall K-Fed and D-Rum much the same. Both of them got in as fast as they could, but neither had a clue what to do inside. They both had a little trouble with staying power. They both spent loads of other people's money trying to hang onto a dumb idea. And neither one could dance."
- Rob Sheffield, in Rolling Stone

"Please prepare yourself for masturbation because next are international singing prostitutes, Pussycat Dolls!"
- Borat, introducing the Pussycat Dolls at the MTV Europe Music Awards

"I bought the $1,200 variety recently. It's great."
- Martha Stewart, referring to her vibrator, called the Thumper, on the Howard Stern Show on Sirius

"Here he's at the point of death. He was dividing God's land. ... For any prime minister of Israel who decides he's going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.'"
- Rev. Pat Robertson, suggesting that God was punishing Ariel Sharon (who had a stroke) for withdrawing from Gaza

"No, I don't have a gambling problem. I'm winning, and winning is not a problem. That's like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem, or Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem."
- Earl (Jason Lee) on My Name Is Earl

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else. ... It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."
- Senator Rick Santorum, comparing the Iraq war to the Lord of the Rings

"I'm going to sexually molest your dog."
- Actress Natasha Lyonne, to Lyonne's former roommate's neighbor, according to a complaint filed by Lyonne's former roommate

"This city will be chocolate at the end of the day. ... This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be."
- New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin

"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about."
- New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, further explaining his chocolate city comment

"We still living in Katrina down here."
- Juvenile, on New Orleans, months after the Hurricane hit

"I love giving the golden shower. I've done it before in the shower. It's, like, so sexy."
- Ricky Martin

"I don't go hunting for celebrity babies. I have 116 other things to do, thank you, Billy. You need another job. I mean, you have potential as a human being. This may not be right for you. Seriously, can you focus on other things?"
- Jeremy Piven, to Billy Bush, who asked if Piven had met Violet Affleck or Suri Cruise, on the 2006 Emmy Red Carpet Special

"The reason why I'm here is definitely to find a husband. Hopefully, the Bachelor will be that guy because, quite frankly, my eggs are rotting."
- Allie G., on The Bachelor

"Naomi Campbell is being sued for abusing yet another housekeeper. In Naomi's defense, the maid had a lot of nerve walking around with her un-punched head."
- David Spade, on The Showbiz Show with David Spade

"I think it would take a lot for Asian hip-hop to become popular in the States for a variety of reasons. The first and biggest reason is that Americans are incredibly parochial about the kind of hip-hop that they like; as far as a lot of American rap fans are concerned, nothing outside of our borders matters. Not even Canada. And if Canadian rappers can’t even get any love, seriously, what hope does a kid out of Seoul or Shanghai or Manila or Jakarta really have about breaking into the States?"
- Oliver Wang, in an interview with APA Magazine

"I'm predicting that America will no longer be one nation but more like the Roman Empire--a conglomerate of races and cultures held together by a regime. The country I grew up in was culturally united, even if it was racially divided. We spoke the same language, had the same faith, laughed at the same comedians. We were one nationality. We're ceasing to be that when you have hundreds of thousands of people who want to retain their own culture, their own language, their own loyalty. What do we have in common that makes us fellow Americans? Is it simply citizenship? Or is it blood, soil, history and heroes?"
- Pat Buchanan, detailing his views on the harms of multiculturalism

"I wouldn't feel right wearing clothes covering my body."
- Christina Aguilera

"I learned this from a college graduate. She'd smoke a joint the night before a test, while she was studying, and then again in the morning and everything she had read would come right back. I tried this shit five times and I swear to God, I've never made less than a 92."
- Lil Wayne, a University of Houston student, giving advice on cramming for an exam

"Occasionally. One of the things I've used on the Google is to pull up maps. It's very interesting to see -- I've forgot the name of the program -- but you get the satellite, and you can -- like, I kinda like to look at the ranch. It reminds me of where I wanna be sometimes."
- President George W. Bush, on being asked whether he uses Google, in an interview with CNBC's Maria Bartiromo

"Nobody appreciates their girlfriend until they get herpes from the next one."
- Johnny Drama (Kevin Dillon) on Entourage

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband's death so much."
- Ann Coulter, on the women whose husbands died on 9-11

"Clay's strong. He'll always come out on top."
- Ruben Studdard, asked by Entertainment Tonight about the scrutiny on Clay Aiken's sexuality

"[W]hat I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.' ... I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way."
- CNN Headline News anchor Glenn Beck to Congressman Keith Ellison, the first Muslim ever elected to Congress

"I dealt with people like this for 20 years. They will get up every day. They will kill somebody and go have some chicken at KFC. You will catch them eating chicken and drinking a beer after they just murdered three people. Sean, these people are out there. They're all over the place."
- Former LAPD Detective Mark Fuhrman, on Hannity & Colmes

"Trust me, Bart ... It's better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of them."
- Milhouse to Bart, after Bart saw Homer and Marge getting busy, on The Simpsons

"I love inside jokes. I'd love to be part of one someday."
- Michael Scott (Steve Carell) on The Office

"We support your war of terror! ... May George Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq!"
- Borat, before a cheering rodeo audience

--Junichi

BEST SONGS OF 2006

Here, at last, is my completed (last updated: December 29, 2006) list of the best singles of 2006.

100 BEST SONGS OF 2006:

1. My Love - Justin Timberlake
2. New Day - Kate Havnevik
3. Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
4. The Fear You Won't Fall - Joshua Radin
5. The Long Way Around - Dixie Chicks
6. When You Were Young (Jacque Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix) - The Killers
7. 9 Crimes - Damien Rice
8. You And I Are A Gang Of Losers - The Dears
9. Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
10. Tell Me When To Go (Remix) - E-40 feat. Kanye West & Ice Cube
    
11. Thin Blue Flame - Josh Ritter
12. Postcards from Italy - Beirut
13. Who Am I - Will Young
14. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
15. Keep Bouncin (Street) - Too $hort feat. Snoop Dogg and Will.i.am
    
16. The Man - Pete Yorn
17. Show Me What You Got - Jay-Z
18. Knockers - The Darkness
19. Baby Makin' Hips - Fantasia
20. Hip Hop Is Dead - Nas
21. Love Me Or Hate Me Remix - Lady Sovereign Feat. Missy Elliott
22. Starlight - Muse
23. God's Gonna Cut You Down - Johnny Cash
24. Number 1 (Superchumbo Remix) - Goldfrapp
25. Nausea - Beck
26. Fidelity - Regina Spektor
27. Rudebox - Robbie Williams
28. Cobrastyle - Teddybears feat. Mad Cobra
    
29. Bossy (Cavemen Remix) - Kelis
30. Compton - The Game feat. Will.i.am
    
31. Concentrate - Xzibit
32. Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland
    
33. It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects
34. Need You Tonite - Mylo
35. Touch It (The Remix) - Busta Rhymes feat. Mary J. Blige Rah Digga Missy Elliott Dmx Lloyd Banks & Papoose
36. You Know I'm No Good - Ghostface Killah /Amy Winehouse
    
37. Sexyback - Justin Timberlake
38. And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going - Jennifer Hudson
39. Control Myself - LL Cool J Feat Jennifer Lopez
40. Emily - Joanna Newsom
41. Silent House - Dixie Chicks
42. Kick, Push - Lupe Fiasco
43. Doctor's Advocate - The Game feat. Busta Rhymes
    
44. Gotta Understand - Jurassic 5
45. Girls Gone Wild - Ludacris
46. Kick out the chairs (WhoMadeWho remix) - Munk feat. James Murphy
    
47. Stunna Shades - Federation feat. E-40
48. Come On! Let’s Boogey to the Elf Dance! - Sufjan Stevens
49. Lost One - Jay-Z Feat. Chrisette Michele
50. Boston - Augustana
51. Here It Goes Again - Ok Go
52. Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray
53. Sympathy - Billy Talent
54. Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
55. Henrietta - The Fratellis
56. Wamp Wamp (What It Do) - Clipse feat. Slim Thug
    
57. Crazy - Snoop Dogg feat. Nate Dogg
    
58. Welcome To The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
59. The Train - Outkast feat. Sleepy Brown
    
60. All Over Again - Ronan Keating
61. Electrik Heat - The Seekwill - K-Os
62. Maneater - Nelly Furtado
63. Hush Boy - Basement Jaxx
64. Lolita - Prince
65. Sexy Love - Ne-Yo
66. Can`t Take It In - Imogen Heap
67. Be Easy - Ghostface Killah & Trife Da God
68. Fergalicious - Fergie feat. Will.i.am
    
69. How We Operate - Gomez
70. Game for Fools - Jamie Lidell
71. Leave The Pieces - The Wreckers
72. Moving Like A Train - Herbert
73. Paranoid Android - Sia
74. Wisemen - James Blunt
75. Wind It Up - Gwen Stefani
76. I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair) - Sandi Thom
77. Cooking - Scritti Politti
78. All Good Things (Come To An End) - Nelly Furtado
79. Streetlights - Rocky Votolato
80. Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
81. Not Big - Lily Allen
82. What You Know - T.I.
83. Faster Kill Pussy Cat - Paul Oakenfold feat. Brittany Murphy
84. Follow The Cops Back Home - Placebo
85. Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
86. Unfaithful - Rihanna
87. On The Evening Train - Johnny Cash
88. Too Much To Ask For - Radio 4
89. 3000 Flowers - Destroyer
90. Tent In Your Pants - Peaches
91. Whoo! Alright - Yeah... Uh Huh. - The Rapture
92. So Excited - Janet Jackson Feat. Khia
93. Long Distance Call (Remix by 25 Hours a Day) - Phoenix
94. Above The Clouds - Cyndi Lauper with Jeff Beck
    
95. I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys
96. Bulgarian Chicks - Balkan Beat Box
97. U & Ur Hand - P!nk
98. Poppin' My Collar - Three 6 Mafia
99. Steam and Sequins for Larry Levan - Matmos
100. Goodbye Earl - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

Random notes:

• I finalized these rankings using a complicated mathematical formula that involves how often I hummed the tune while waiting in line at Quizno's, the number of tweens who perform the song at karaoke night at the mall, and whether I can still stand listening to the song today.
• I didn't limit myself to one song per artist, although I put the bar higher for repeat showings by a single artist.
• I realize some of the songs are from albums released in 2005. Sue me.
• Any weak choices should be blamed on programmers at Sirius Satellite Radio and all my favorite audioblogs.
• If you feel my taste in music is craptacular, feel free to send me mp3s at junichi @ junichisemitsu.com.
  

--Junichi

BEST SONGS OF 2005 (JUNICHI'S PICKS)

I hereby submit the following as my picks for the hottest 100 singles of 2005:

1. Random - Lady Sovereign
2. Multiply (Gonzales Mix) - Jamie Lidell
3. Breathe Me - Sia
4. Beverly Hills - Weezer
5. 1 Thing (remix) - Amerie feat. Jay-Z
6. Cosy in the Rocket - Psapp
7. Signs - Snoop Dogg feat. Charlie Wilson & Justin Timberlake
8. Break It On Down (Battlezone) - Flii Stylz & Tenashus
9. Go - Common
10. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
11. Shake - Ying Yang Twins feat. Pitbull
12. What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie
13. Since U Been Gone (Jason Nevins remix) - Kelly Clarkson
14. 10 $ - M.I.A.
15. Arc of Time - Bright Eyes
16. Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple
17. It's Like That (David Morales Club Mix) - Mariah Carey / Fatman Scoop
18. Heard 'Em Say - Kanye West
19. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
20. Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
21. Wait (The Whisper Song) - Ying Yang Twins
22. Kirsten is a Fu@kmachine - Tiger Tunes
23. Corners - Common
24. Catch My Disease - Ben Lee
25. Brand New - Rhymefest & Kanye West
26. Lose Control - Missy Elliott feat. Ciara & Fat Man Scoop
27. Mesmerized (Freemasons Mix) - Faith Evans
28. You're Beautiful - James Blunt
29. Nahmean Nahm Sayin - The Herbaliser feat. Jean Grae
30. Goodnight and Go - Imogen Heap
31. My Doorbell - The White Stripes
32. Shine - The Lovefreekz
33. Hell Yes - Beck
34. Nasty Girl - The Notorious B.I.G. feat. Diddy, Nelly, Jagged Edge
35. Feels Good Inc. - Gorillaz
36. Welcome to Jamrock - Damian Marley
37. Galvanize - Chemical Brothers feat. Q-Tip
38. Bad Man - Missy Elliott feat. Vybez Cartel & M.I.A.
39. 16 Military Wives - The Decembrists
40. Chewing Gum (Headman Vocal Remix) - Annie
41. Dem Boyz - Lil' Mo
42. Can I Have It Like That - Pharrell feat. Gwen Stefani
43. Collide - Howie Day
44. Hit The Floor - Twista feat. Pitbull
45. A Little Bit of Shhh (Smallstars Remix by Adrock) - Lady Sovereign
46. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
47. Middle of Nowhere - Hot Hot Heat
48. All Night - Damian Marley
49. Ruby Blue - Roisin Murphy
50. Bucky Done Gone - M.I.A.
51. Errtime - Nelly
52. When I'm Gone - Eminem
53. Best of You - Foo Fighters
54. George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People - The Legendary K.O.
55. Brothers on a Hotel Bed - Death Cab for Cutie
56. Hey Mama - Kanye West
57. Hung Up - Madonna
58. Marvo Ging - The Chemical Brothers
59. Touch the Sky - Kanye West
60. Hate It or Love It - The Game & 50 Cent
61. Stay Fly - Three 6 Mafia feat. Young Buck, 8-Ball and MJG
62. Just A Moment - Nas feat. Quan
63. Que Onda Guero - Beck
64. Talk - Coldplay
65. So Seductive - Tony Yayo feat. 50 Cent
66. E-Pro - Beck
67. Be Easy - Ghostface
68. 9 to 5 - Lady Sovereign
69. The Get Down - Z-Trip feat. Lyrics Born
70. Say Somethin - Mariah Carey
71. Trapped in the Closet Ch. 1-12 - R. Kelly
72. Dare - Gorillaz
73. Was It You? - Spoon
74. Lovin' It - Little Brother
75. Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson
76. The Mask - Danger Doom & Ghostface
77. Knuckle Down - Ani DiFranco
78. We Might As Well Be Strangers (DJ Shadow Remix) - DJ Shadow vs. Keane
79. Petrified - Fort Minor
80. In The Kitchen - R. Kelly
81. La Breeze - Simian
82. Let's Get Blown - Snoop Dogg
83. So Sick - Ne-Yo
84. I Know Why - Sheryl Crow
85. Mamacita - Pharrell feat. Daddy Yankee
86. Twin Cinema - The New Pornographers
87. There It Go (The Whistle Song) - Juelz Santana
88. New Whirl Odor - Public Enemy
89. The Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails
90. Furious - Z-Trip
91. These Boots Are Made For Walkin - Jessica Simpson
92. Talkin' About - Amerie
93. Daft Punk Is Playing At My House - LCD Soundsystem
94. Can't Let Go - Anthony Hamilton
95. Oh - Ciara feat. Ludacris
96. Daughters of the Soho Riots - The National
97. Get It Poppin' - Fat Joe feat. Nelly
98. Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy
99. Change - Tracy Chapman
100. Still Tippin - Mike Jones feat. Slim Thug
     

I've temporarily uploaded songs #1, 2, 3, 8, and 28. While I prefer the original versions of "Random" and "Breathe Me," I uploaded the interesting remixes, for the hell of it.

Yes, I am aware that some of the above songs were technically released in 2004.

Bonus list: Top 10 Music Videos of 2005

1. Twisted Transistor - Korn (featuring Snoop, David Banner, Lil Jon, Xhibit)
2. We Will Become Silhouettes - Postal Service
3. Caught Up - Usher
4. Trapped in the Closet Ch. 1-12 - R. Kelly
5. Only - Nine Inch Nails
6. Testify - Common
7. Beautiful - Moby
8. Dream - Dizzee Rascal
9. 1976 - RJD2
10. Rappcats Pt. 3 - Quasimoto & Madlib

--Junichi