POP JUNKIES

guess who's back?
Due to the introduction of El-Boogie into our mix, movie watching around the Mizang household as been in precipitious decline but god bless Tivo for making sure that we still get our share of television in. Some thoughts on the current (or is it now last?) season:

Lost: I had my skepticisms about this show throughout the season but I have to say: it's been the most consistently entertaining show on network TV. I still think it flirts too close with X-Files or Twin Peaks-type mystique, creating more questions for each one it answers. J.J. Abrams' last show, Alias (see below) has tried to master that balance as well, with mixed results (though apparently, ratings are up on the show). I don't expect Season 2 to bring that much more resolution but so far, I'm more intrigued than annoyed. Verdict: Winner.

American Idol: Carrie won? WTF? Honey, Barbara Mandrell called - she wants her coif back. Am I the only one who finds it odd (if not disturbing) that at a time when Black music is undeniably kicking ass in terms of record sales and media exposure, three of out of the four finalists this year were Whiter than white? They didn't even have a blue-eye soulster in the mix at the end. Vonzell was robbed. Verdict: Loser.

The Amazing Race: I had heard early rumors that Uchenna and Joyce were going to win and it was satisfying 1) to see two people of color come out on top and 2) their come-from-behind win was impressive as well. Unlike most, I really enjoyed watching Rob and Amber - there's little doubt they were the reason this oft-ignored show had some of its best ratings in years. Rob's a bastard but he's a kick ass competitor and that's always fun. At the end though, Uchenna and Joyce won on luck and merit - maybe it's karma for a couple that worked for Enron and WorldCom respectively. Verdict: Winner.

The Shield: Wait - the season's almost over? What the hell? This has been a far superior season compared to last, both in terms of the overall story arc as well as character development. Shane and Vic's relationship provided the necessary focus to provide drama - something that I found lacking from last season's meanderings around the money train and what not. I still think Aceveda's character should have been written off two seasons ago. Likewise, after promising starts, Claudette and Wambaugh's characters have fizzled out. Glenn Close hasn't been as powerful a presence as you would have thought but she's a good (temporary) foil to Vic and his crew. Three more episodes after tonight - damn, that was a quick sesaon. Verdict: Winner.

Deadwood: For a strange reason, I haven't been able to get into this season muchl. I have all the shows recorded but I'm about a month behind in watching them. I think I've subconsciously come to the conclusion that Deadwood can be rather taxing to sit through, not because of the language or violence (we like those things) but plot-wise, there's too many threads to follow, especially when they get knotted up in one another. One could say the same thing about The Wire (aka "the best show on television") but there's a nice, slow meditative feel to how The Wire unfolds whereas Deadwood feels like it's pumping out adrenaline all the time. Verdict: Draw.

Law and Order: It's been fun to see Michael Imperioli do a 180 from his wise guy status on The Sopranos to being a cop on L&O. That said, it's all about the return of Chris Noth, vis-a-vis L&O: Criminal Intent in the fall. Forget Mr. Big - bring back Mike Logan (with Annabella Sciorra tapped to play his partner). Verdict: Winner.

Alias: This season and last, the show has felt listless and lacking in creative spark. Forget Rimbaldi: just because everyone read The DaVinci Code doesn't mean people still give a s--- about some other mystical/magical Italian inventor. And Nadia aka "the sister" is one of those characters you associate with shark-jumping, only further confirmed by the introduction of yet another Direvko sister. This said, the last three episodes of Alias were a saving grace, not only in bringing Lena Olin back to the show (Season 2, which featured her, was easily the best Season so far) but also in ending with a far more intriguing cliffhanger than that whole, "you've been missing for 2 years" nonsense that kicked off Season 3.

AT THE MOVIES

Gotta do this even though it's already been talked to death. S and I finally caught Revenge of the Sith. SOME SPOILERS (SORT OF)

1) Whoever said it was better than the original Star Wars was clearly puffing on the pipe. Maybe I don't remember this correctly, but EP IV didn't bore me to tears for everything but the last half hour. This movie wasn't even better than Return of the Jedi, Ewoks and all. This was better than EP I and II but that, of course, isn't saying anything at all.
2) "Where is Padme" = words that James Earl Jones should not be uttering. Include also within there, "Nooooooooo!!!", a reaction so corny, it makes all of William Shatner's overacting in Star Trek seem like DeNiro instead.
3) "Hold me like you did by the lake at Naboo." GTFOOH with that BS. This is destined to be one of the all-time worst movie lines. Ever.
4) Speaking of Natalie Portman, I feel for her. This must rank as one of the greatest wastes of talent ever. More to the point, in one of the balcony scenes, her skin looked terrible (her hairstyles weren't so hot either) and I thought to myself, "isn't this all in digital? Couldn't they have fix the lighting or something, wtf?"
5) Ewan McGregor is the only thing really watchable in the film and his, "you were my brother" speech at the end was one of the few pieces of dialogue that felt real.
6) Chewbacca's cameo was pointless and looking back, so was C3PO's and R2D2's. Their inclusion in EP I - III doesn't really bridge much at all. Seriously, who cares if Anakin built C3PO or that R2 originally belonged to Padme? What does this add to the narrative? Maybe they should have included the Han Solo cameo (rumored to be him as a young boy, being raised by Wookies - yeah, the mind reels). What more could they have had to lose?
7) As others have noted, the last five minutes of the film were very powerful - not because they're inherently great scenes but because they tap into the strong well of emotion and nostalgia we have for the original Star Wars. At least Lucas showed enough common sense to include that.

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #8

You Can't Stop Rock 'N' Roll

This Week's Question:

What is the greatest American rock & roll band of all-time?


Guidelines to the question:

1. Your answer should be a band. Solo artists (e.g., Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Chuck Berry) and duos (e.g., Simon & Garfunkel) don't count.
2. Your answer should be American. Thus, the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, the Clash, Led Zeppelin, the Who, the Sex Pistols, U2 don't count.
3. The definition of "greatest" is up to you, but I would suggest that influence, longevity, originality, and popularity are all factors worth considering.

--Junichi

FIVE TIPS FOR MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND TRAVELERS

What's a better accessory than an iPod? The Indipod!

1. Buy a portable toilet for your car. The new Indipod (pictured above) is a "revolutionary compact toilet system" for your wheels. You won't need air freshener anymore since the Indipod's chemicals allegedly break down your excrement into a "sweet smelling, inoffensive liquid."

Since I'm in their target demographic, their website provides a Top 10 list of reasons to buy one. The #10 reason is -- and I paraphrase -- that your children might get kidnapped in public restrooms. Good point!

I don't want to reveal too much personal information, but let's just say the Indipod is a welcome addition to my Lincoln Incontinental.


2. Women without the Indipod should stay in the Big Apple. The New York City Council just passed a "Potty Parity" bill, which requires new buildings to have twice as many restrooms for women as men. You go, girl!


3. Check your cockloft before you leave. This tip comes courtesy of the following news article: Firefighters Put Out Blaze in Cockloft. The lesson: before you leave home, make sure there's nothing flammable in your cockloft, because it's difficult to operate "in a cramped cockloft" and "[o]nce [the fire] gets up there, it's almost out of control." [Insert Beavis & Butthead-like response here.]


4. Stay away from Jermaine Dupri. Apparently, JD genuinely fears becoming a "dark dude like Darth Vader." This may mean he wants to kill the "younglings" -- in the public restrooms!


5. Don't let Cory Williamson watch over your pets. See if you can resist hitting this link.


Have a good weekend errrbody.

--Junichi

RANDOM TOP 10 LISTS

Mr. Big Stuff

Even before High Fidelity, I had an awful genetic predisposition to making random Top 10 lists.

After the jump, you can check out a few of my recent ones:

• TOP 10 SONGS WITH TITLES IN THE TITLE



• TOP 10 COUNTRIES I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED



• TOP 10 LAMEST PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAM NAMES



• TOP 10 FAVORITE PHRASES IN R.E.M.'s "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (AND I FEEL FINE)"



• TOP 10 SYNONYMS FOR FAT

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...


Top 10 Songs with Salutations Titles in the Title

1. Sir Duke - Stevie Wonder
2. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
3. Ms. Fat Booty - Mos Def
4. Hey Mr. DJ - Zhane
5. Mr. Telephone Man - New Edition
6. Mr. Zebra - Tori Amos
7. Mr. Big Stuff - Jean Knight
8. Mr. Roboto - Styx
9. Mrs. Robinson - Simon & Garfunkel
10. Mr. Wendal - Arrested Development


Top 10 Countries I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw This List of Countries

1. Saint Vincent and the Grenadines
2. South Ossetia
3. Saint Kitts and Nevis
4. Abkhazia
5. Swaziland
6. Gabon
7. Mauritius
8. Seychelles
9. Benin
10. Tajikistan


Top 10 Lamest Current Professional Sports Team Names

1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
2. Columbus Blue Jackets
3. Utah Jazz
4. Anaheim Mighty Ducks
5. Orlando Miracle
6. Oakland A's (or Athletics, either way)
7. L.A. Clippers
8. New Jersey Nets
9. Milwaukee Brewers
10. Connecticut Sun

X. Montreal Expos

Top 10 Favorite Phrases in R.E.M.'s "It's The End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)"

1. Lock him in uniform
2. Listen to your heart bleed
3. 6 o'clock TV hour
4. Don't get caught in foreign tower
5. Every motive escalate
6. A tournament of lies
7. Birthday party cheesecake
8. The furies breathing down your neck
9. Listen to yourself churn
10. Ladder structure clutter


Top 10 Synonyms for "Fat" according to Thesaurus.com

1. Surplus
2. Butterball
3. Oily
4. Good
5. Plumpish
6. Tubby
7. Cushy
8. Inflated
9. Elephantine
10. Fatlike

--Junichi

ANTHONY LANE ON SITH

no jedi mind tricks here
I don't mean to hijack Junichi's post about Sith but after reading his link to Anthony Lane's New Yorker review of the film, I had to bring it back again. It is quite possibly one of the funniest things I've read in as long as I can remember. I just had to pull out some choice lines:

"Anakin, too, is a divided figure, wrenched between his Jedi devotion to selfless duty and a lurking hunch that, if he bides his time and trashes his best friends, he may eventually get to wear a funky black mask and start breathing like a horse."

"What can you say about a civilization where people zip from one solar system to the next as if they were changing their socks but where a woman fails to register for an ultrasound, and thus to realize that she is carrying twins until she is about to give birth?"

"Mind you, how Padmé got pregnant is anybody’s guess, although I’m prepared to wager that it involved Anakin nipping into a broom closet with a warm glass jar and a copy of Ewok Babes."

"The general opinion of “Revenge of the Sith” seems to be that it marks a distinct improvement on the last two episodes, “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones.” True, but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion."

"I still fail to understand why I should have been expected to waste twenty-five years of my life following the progress of a beeping trash can and a gay, gold-plated Jeeves."

"No, the one who gets me is Yoda. May I take the opportunity to enter a brief plea in favor of his extermination? Any educated moviegoer would know what to do, having watched that helpful sequence in “Gremlins” when a small, sage-colored beastie is fed into an electric blender."

"Also, while we’re here, what’s with the screwy syntax? Deepest mind in the galaxy, apparently, and you still express yourself like a day-tripper with a dog-eared phrase book. “I hope right you are.” Break me a fucking give."

--O.W.

I DID IT ALL FOR THE WOOKIE

The Quiet Stormtrooper

In this era of high security and orange alerts, I found it alarming to see a picture in last week's New Yorker of an imperial stormtrooper in Times Square, holding a very large and very realistic-looking assault rifle, not unlike the unedited photo above.

It turns out I am not the only one who thought that a Star Wars costume would be an effective crime tool.

Apparently, a man in a Darth Vader costume just robbed a movie theater and emptied its cash register. Wow.

Of course, I was more taken aback when I later discovered that the thief was my father.

* * *

I realize Episode III came out blog-years ago, but hey, I finally got to see it last night. A few of my pointless, belated thoughts:

• I love the darkness of the story, but the dialogue was so stilted that I laughed during this movie more than any another Star Wars film. Above all, this film made me really appreciate Anthony Lane's review of it.



• Am I the only one who thought Chancellor Palpatine was presented as a prototypical sexual predator who wanted to lure Hayden Christen into his imperial den of molestation?



• Before I saw the movie, I heard about the political overtones in the film and the apt comparisons between Lord Vader and Lord Bush. But once I heard Anakin's line -- "If you're not with me, you're my enemy!" -- I didn't think the comparison was subtle. Who knew Lucas was a liberal and, apparently, a Buddhist philosopher?



• Speaking of political issues, is it fair to say that Anakin wouldn't have turned to the dark side if the Republic provided legal abortion services? After all, even most neo-cons will allow the termination of a pregnancy when the life of the mother is in danger.



• Now why the hell would Padme waste her last words on thoughts about how she still believes "there is good in" the deadbeat father of her twins? She clearly knew he was guilty of domestic violence and infanticide. Hey Padme, how about wasting your last breaths on some advice for your two twin orphans?



• EW's wookie pictorial teased me into thinking we'd get to know all of Chewy's friends and relatives, but I was sorely disappointed to find the hirsute race got as much character development as the Queen of Naboo, played by Oscar nominee Keisha Castle-Hughes, who enjoyed about two seconds of screentime and no dialogue.



• When Darth Vader first put on his new uniform, I know I'm not the only who wished James Earl Jones tested the vocal filter by saying, "This ... is ... CNN."



• Saddest statement: of all the characters, R2D2 had the most personality, the most dynamic stage presence, and the best lines. Perhaps tomorrow's technology will allow the newly un-frozen Lucas to re-edit the film and improve the dialogue.

--Junichi

STAKES IS HIGH

The Crusades, Part II

As if we needed any more evidence that the Bush Administration's attempt to blame Newsweek was ridiculous, check out the following links to the US Department of Defense's Marine Corps own website, which features a picture of a US tank in Iraq dubbed the "New Testament" - with the name of the tank written across its barrel:

• Marine Corps website with caption
• "New Testament" photo
  

Given the Bush Administration's attempt to avoid terms like "crusade" again and not fuel anti-American sentiment around the world, how did this piece of Islamophobia get past military censors?

Credit: AMERICAblog

* * *

Anakin Bush

Updated:

The tyrrany of the majority was inevitable in 2002 when the Republicans gained control of everything in D.C.: the House, the Senate, the White House, and the Supreme Court.

But the GOP's bravado reached new heights when Senate Majority leader Bill Frist attempted the "nuclear option" in 24 hours, which would have eliminiated the right of the minority party to filibuster judicial nominees to the court of appeals and the Supreme Court.

For now, a few moderate Republican Senators and centrist Democrats reached a disappointing compromise that averts the crisis. (It's disappointing because some horrendous judges will get confirmed for life-long seats on the federal bench.)

But Sen. Frist has threatened to bring back the nuclear option, and quite frankly, I'm still nervous.

This showdown over a parliamentary procedure rule seems insipid and banausic until your uterus gets hijacked by reactionary appellate judges with lifetime tenure.

Simply put: if Democrats don't have the filibuster option, Bush can put anybody on the Supreme Court, so long as he has the support of his party.

P.S. To help remind us of what's at stake, the Supreme Court has accepted its first abortion case in five years.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #7

The fruit of her womb

This Week's Question:

If you had to name your child after an inanimate object, what name would you choose?

Dedicated to Jeffrey W. Bellin, whose first name was almost "Staircase."

--Junichi

BEAT THE PRESS

Ted Rall

Also on point: Molly Ivins on Newsweek.

Speaking of unAmerican activities, the ACLU tells me there is a 4 out of 6 chance that the FBI has a file with my name on it. Take the quiz yourself.

--Junichi

EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX...FROM MUSIC CRITICS

now that's called being fully focused

Nerve.com presents: Sex Advice from Music Critics. This is NOT a joke. It is also one of the funniest things I've seen in as long as I can remember. Those of you NOT music critics will likely just write this off as some insider b.s. (and you'd be right) but considering that I'm friends with more than half the people interviewed here (and shame on all of you for not telling me you were doing this), I find this hilarious.

I mean, check out Joey's "I'm serious...about being sexy" gaze above. His myspace hits is about to blow up something ridiculous. Go on, dust ya shoulders off.

Here's the really real realness:

From my girl J-Shep:

Describe a new sexual position you've created — something we'd never find in a 101 sexual positions book.
I call it the "Rhythm Nation 2005," inspired by my choreography idols Janet Jackson and Paula Abdul: Do the snake onto your man and then, like Mos Def said, just bounce.

From J-Ho:

Sites such as Pitchfork have catapulted certain rock critics to high profiles. In some ways do you think this has increased your ability to get laid easily? We know rock stars get laid all the time, but how about rock critics?
First, If you had ever met anyone on staff at Pitchfork you would never have posed this question.

From JazzBoBice:

Is there rampant incest within the community?
Only if you're from Minnesota.

(I appreciate that only about three of you are getting some of these jokes right now and I'm certain at least one of you have the initials "MM"). Moving on...

From Young Kreezy:

What is the quickest way to get a music critic in bed?
This is really easy. First you reference something she wrote, telling her how observant it was, noting that it was very courageous of her to speak up like she did. This will make her feel attractive and appreciated. Next, you reference something by a male writer you admire and say you wish you could write like him. This creates the illusion that you are really interested in journalism while projecting an image of humility. Then reference something by another female writer. It helps if she has a friendship and/or competition with this writer. This will let her know that it's not a one-horse race and that she'd better be on her P's and Q's. Finally, you bring it back to her, just to underscore the fact that you're interested. From there, all you have to do is invite her to your place to check out your back issues of Esquire or your rare music collection.

ELSEWHERE...

Once again proving that he has one of the best gigs in the country, the NY Times' Kalefah Sanneh reviews the new CDs from Quasimoto and Turf Talk (told you I was plat, b----). Just to point out - the review's title is confusing: "Bay Area Rap World Takes In the Brash and the Eccentric." Last time I stepped outside my door, L.A. (Madlib's home) was about 400 miles distant. Maybe the SF Chron can run a review about "New York's Rap World" and look at new albums by Memphis Bleek and Beanie Siegel.
(credit: Metrodad)

David Brooks takes on the flak over Newsweek and tries to introduce some calm reasoning over the intense partisan furor. To wit:

"I click my mouse over to the transcripts of administration statements and I can't believe what I'm seeing. We're in the middle of an ideological war against people who want to destroy us, and what have the most powerful people on earth become? Whining media bashers. They're attacking Newsweek while bending over backward to show sensitivity to the Afghans who just went on a murderous rampage.

Talk about the bigotry of low expectations."

(As my commenters pointed out, Brooks also had a lot of bullshit to say as well - I only paid attention to his Newsweek comments the first time and was a bit too hasty in not reading the rest of his op-ed piece closely enough. I realized: I was confusing him with Mark Shields (I'm sure this happens all the time, ha) and forgot that Brooks is the conservative half of the Shields-Brooks comedy...er...commentary team on the Newshour.

Last (and probably least), Walmart drops out of the DVD-at-home business in favor of backing Netflix. Now this just leaves Blockbuster (do people really LIKE going to Blockbuster? Or is it just necessity?) and Netflix to slug it out until Amazon.com decides to jump into the fray. Not that it'll happen, but seriously, the first one of these to decide to buy out Wantedlist.com is going to be seeing money flowing growing like grass with the mass appeal.

--O.W.

ONE PIN AWAY FROM PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY

Got 5 On It

Unless I'm misreading this article, Dick Cheney would be our president if it weren't for the fact that the live grenade - hurled 100 feet from Dubya while he was speaking in the country of Georgia - malfunctioned.

No?

--Junichi

THE BIG GAME OF ACTIVISM

What do we want? Anti-war messages on impressionist landscape paintings!

I find myself frequently debating others as to whether Stanford has eclipsed UC Berkeley as the more activist campus today.

Granted, political protests at Berkeley have substantially dwindled since their heyday in the 1960s and 70s. Sadly, when comparing my own Cal undergraduate days in the mid-1990s to the present Dubya era, I am an eyewitness to how Prop 209 and our increasingly conservative climate have diminished the flames of Berkeley activism.

But anybody who suggests that Berkeley is apathetic or devoid of protest hasn't been paying attention.

From Students for Justice in Palestine to recent labor strikes, Berkeley remains a hotbed of fury and fists, whereas Stanford is still the cubbyhole of Beamers and Benzes. (They call it 'Shallow Alto' for a reason.)

But because today's rallies don't rival numbers from the Free Speech Movement era, the media is more likely to focus on Berkeley's William Hung than its protests.

When I left Berkeley and (sold out and) went to Stanfurd for law school, I remember Mother Jones published a list of the Top 10 Activist Campuses, which ranked Stanford at #5 and gave Berkeley only an honorable mention.

What was an example of Stanford's activism? Mother Jones noted the successful student campaign to nix administration plans to put a Taco Bell on campus.

Ahem. I can testify, with no hesitation, that if UC officials ever tried putting a Taco Bell on its flagship campus, a cavalry of Cal undergrads would "make a run for the border" by torching the house of chalupas down to a corporate taco crisp.

I humbly submit that UC Berkeley is still the greater place of political activism.

I concede that many Cal students might be more concerned with American Idol than American imperialism, but the torch passed by the TWLF and Mario Savio is very much alive in the students I've met in my classroom.

Just in case you still aren't convinced, here's a comparison of recent activities:

On Berkeley's Sproul Plaza, students and faculty recently organized a teach-in on torture.

On Stanford's White Plaza, students celebrated Pirate Pride Week, which apparently conflicted with Ninja Respect Month.

I'm not hating on pirates or ninjas. But anybody who tries to tell me that Stanford is more activist than Berkeley is going to be greeted by my cutlass and shuriken.

Your move, tree.

(From Oliver: activist campus as Cal may be, apparently, the UCs are still wack when it comes to hiring women faculty.)

--Junichi

BRINGING BALANCE

"and I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance...oh wait, wrong movie"

I never watched much of Bill Moyers when he was on PBS and after reading a recent transcript of a speech Moyers gave, I wish I had watched more. Moyers, who is currently under blatant partisan attack by one of the many Bush cronies (unfortunately, now heading the Corp. for Public Broadcasting), takes on the current reality of news journalism in America - one that is beholden onto the government to define what is "news" and what is not, casting serious doubt that today's "independent" journalism really is.

Notable quotables:

"Hear me: an unconscious people, an indoctrinated people, a people fed only partisan information and opinion that confirm their own bias, a people made morbidly obese in mind and spirit by the junk food of propaganda is less inclined to put up a fight, ask questions and be skeptical. And just as a democracy can die of too many lies, that kind of orthodoxy can kill us, too."

"We knew that the success of NOW’s journalism was creating a backlash in Washington. The more compelling our journalism, the angrier became the radical right of the Republican Party. That’s because the one thing they loathe more than liberals is the truth. And the quickest way to be damned by them as liberal is to tell the truth."

"Although apparently he never watched the broadcast -- I guess he couldn’t take the diversity -- Senator Trent Lott came out squealing like a stuck pig when, after the mid-term elections in 2002, I described what was likely to happen now that all three branches of government were about to be controlled by one party"

""Let me assure you that I take in stride attacks by the radical right wingers who have not given up demonizing me although I retired over six months ago. They’ve been after me for years now, and I suspect they will be stomping on my grave to make sure I don’t come back from the dead. I should point out to them that one of our boys pulled it off some two thousand years ago after the Pharisees, the Sadducees and Caesar surrogates thought they had shut him up for good. I won’t be expecting that kind of miracle, but I should put my detractors on notice, they might just compel me out of the rocking chair and back into the anchor chair."

I like this last comment especially because Moyers is basically throwing down on the Right, daring them to come after him. It's the news anchor equivalent of him spitting at their feet, squaring them in the eye and declaring, "What? B----, I'm platinum."

---

ALSO

Like many people for whom the original Star Wars was a transformative moment in our childhood, I figured I'd shlump my way to Revenge of the Sith since Lucas could shoot a pile of doo doo and call it "Episode 7" and I'd still go, like cows to the slaughterhouse.

But lo and behold, so far, the advance buzz on Sith has been good. Real good. Stunningly good. In fact, no less than an authority than the NY Times' A.O. Scott has called the film, "This is by far the best film in the more recent trilogy, and also the best of the four episodes Mr. Lucas has directed. That's right (and my inner 11-year-old shudders as I type this): it's better than "Star Wars."

Somewhere, a 35 year old man wearing a "There Is No Try, Only Do" t-shirt is swearing a blood oath to hunt down Scott and torture him with the Ewok Song until he recants such blasphemy.

I'm now even more genuinely excited to see the film though I don't think it's worth while to find a babysitter for El-Boogie just to wait in line with hundreds of other folks this weekend.

--O.W.

CRASH & CRASH & MELINDA & MELINDA

When I crash, you crash (just like that)

Odds are that I am neither the first nor the second nor the third person to recommend to you the movie Crash, the directorial debut by Million Dollar Baby writer Paul Haggis, who also co-wrote the compelling script.

Thus far, Crash is easily the best film of the year, which isn't saying much given its competition is Meet the Fockers and Monster in Law (when did in-laws become the new terrorists?). Similar to one of my favorite films Magnolia, this movie is a cross-cutting ensemble movie that interweaves the lives of different people in LA, colliding through serendipity, coincidence, or bad luck.

Given the diverse cast of characters that range the spectrum from hoodlums to politicians, I thought Haggis' script was the star of the film, as the diverse array of characters were all credible and convincing. I sensed that the entire theater (I saw the film with a mostly black audience in Oakland) was familiar with everyone on the screen. The writing, of course, was aided by the bomb cast, of which Terrence Howard, Matt Dillon, Thandie Newton, Ryan Phillippe, and yes, Ludacris stood out.

That said, I disagree with those touting this film as a brilliant essay on intolerance, stereotypes, and the American melting pot. I'm not sure this film says much on the nature of race relations, other than "everyone's a little bit racist," to borrow a line from Avenue Q.

I thought the film was, quite simply, a great story. All the critics, on the other hand, seem to be engaging in a cinematic circle jerk in a frenzied quest to avoid the cracker and find deeper meaning in the fact that all the rainbow coalition of characters (except for the Chicano/Latino ones) are flawed.

For example, David Denby of the New Yorker writes that Crash is about:

... the rage and foolishness produced by intolerance, the mutual abrasions of white, black, Latino, Middle Eastern, and Asian citizens in an urban pot in which nothing melts. ... Apart from a few brave scenes in Spike Lee’s work, 'Crash' is the first movie I know of to acknowledge not only that the intolerant are also human but, further, that something like white fear of black street crime, or black fear of white cops, isn’t always irrational.

What? I'm guessing opium is what you'll find in this critic's pipe, although David Denby is Caucasian, not Asian, which means that he's a better driver than me and less likely to crash. Now please donate to the United Negro College Fund.

To make a long story short, Crash is a long collection of short stories that is simply the best entertainment that six dollars, using a senior citizen discount, can buy without involving donkeys and dynamite.

But if you're looking for a thesis on race relations, you're better off watching something else or reading this.

* * *

Not Anchorman 2

Speaking of ensemble films with interweaving tales, I also recommend Melinda and Melinda, which I put near the top tier of Woody Allen's library of 36 films (and counting). As for the last 15 years, it's easily the best Woody Allen film not starring Woody Allen.

While Woody is normally cursed by the fact that all of his films seem like poor imitations of his earlier works, this movie is an original. Radha Mitchell gives an Oscar-worthy performance as Melinda, doing double-duty in both a comic and dramatic role.

Will Ferrell might have actually been the weakest link in the film, as he seemed to be impersonating Woody Allen at points.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #6

Betty, when you call me, you can call me Boo

This Week's Question:

Name the oldest living celebrity today to whom you are attracted.

--Junichi

WEEKEND WRAP-UP: BAY TO BREEDERS EDITION

Nerd family mistakes "Bay to Breakers" race for line to get Star Wars tickets

What a weekend! Just in case you were (a) knocking out major milestones like marriage and a PhD in 24 hours (like O-Deezy) or (b) preoccupied trying to outpace the Kenyans in your provocative Bay to Breakers costume or (c) busy seeing psychiatrists in South Africa and denying rumors of crack abuse, here's what you missed:

• Newsweek kills at least a dozen people: Newsweek magazine seems to be retracting its earlier story claiming that U.S. interrogators at Guantanamo Bay desecrated the Koran by flushing it down a toilet. I'm not sure what's worse: (1) the potential truth of the story, (2) the chance that Newsweek is retracting the story out of government pressure, given that it has ignited anti-American riots and sparked new calls by Afghan clerics for a holy way against the U.S., or (3) the possibility that Newsweek made a total journalistic error that cost 17 lives and dozens of injured bodies.

• Speaking of giving the world the finger... The Senate is expected to approve the nomination of John Bolton to be the US Ambassador to the UN, which solidifies the President's message that he doesn't give a rat's ass about the rest of the planet. It's hard for me to comprehend why this vote is expected to come down to a party-line vote, in the face of clear evidence that Bolton has frequently manipulated intelligence, serially abused employees, earned the reputation of a loose cannon, and frequently ridiculed the UN. What happened to the GOP's attempt to try diplomacy during the second term?

• Speaking of fingers ... Update! The "Wendy's chili" finger belongs to a man who worked with James Plascencia, the husband of the woman who claimed she found the finger in a bowl of chili at a Wendy's restaurant in San Jose. Apparently, Mr. Plascencia, whose last name does not mean "multiple placenta," handles workers' comp claims by giving the incriminating evidence to his wife.

• In other nuptial news ... it was revealed this weekend that former Congressman Gerry Studds married his longtime partner shortly after same-sex marriage became legal in Massachusetts. Rep. Studds is not only famous for being the first openly gay member of Congress, but he also gets my runner-up prize for "Best Porn Star Name in Congress," placing second, of course, to former House Majority Leader Dick Armey.

• Speaking of marriage and calls for death ... While I do sympathize with any person who gets stood up at the altar, I am also starting to feel sorry for Jennifer Wilbanks, whose Large Marge eyes still grace the cover of every publication in the grocery checkout line, not to mention the bottles of Jennifer's High Tailin' Hot Sauce and the new Runaway Bride action figures. Even though I'm pleased to see that the calls for lynching in the South are not being directed at black men or gay immigrants or Constitution-enforcing judges, I feel like people's wrath would be better directed at, say, John Bolton, or even Michael Bolton.

I appreciate Bill Maher's observation:

Americans this week have acted like the so-called 'runaway bride' is crazy for skipping town rather than marrying a Sunday school teacher in Duluth, Georgia. Ah, yes, the good life: the bake sales, the prayer meetings, the abortion protests, who could just walk away from all that? How come when the girl from Titanic ditches her fiance, it's the greatest romance of all time, but when Jennifer Wilbanks does it, she's a "criminal loon with a case of temporary insanity"?

Temporary sanity is more like it. She was staring down the barrel of 14 bridesmaids and 600 guests in the Georgia heat watching a Baptist in a blue suit sanctify her sex life with Welch's grape juice and a reading from The Purpose-Driven Life. Suddenly, Greyhound to Vegas looked pretty good!

• And finally, speaking of people who have not actually been abducted, it must be pretty sweet when you're 5-years-old and your game of hide-and-seek is joined by rescue teams, a helicopter, military planes and multiple K-9 units.

--Junichi

WHAT A BUNCH OF SUSHIS

You're a butterfly. Sushi. Baby.

Ancient Japanese secret alert! As a follow-up to my post a few weeks back on pan-Asian pet peeves, I thought I would reveal to you Poplicks readers the real truth about Japanese cuisine.

Check this video out. You got punk'd, world.

Trust me, the only thing my people actually eat raw is our turkey on Thanksgiving.

Now, in exchange for coming clean, how about releasing my cousins (a.k.a. the Gwenihana Four) from capitivity?

--Junichi

REACH OUT AND POKE SOMEONE

Halloween and Princess Toadstool on Friday the 13th

Here's a trivia question for you.

What is the connection between Michael Myers, Mario & Luigi, and these lyrics below?

• "My boy just got poked in the throat"
• "If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho"
• "So N!$*@z betta get up outta mine / fo' I creep & turn yo' projects into Columbine"
• "Wait till you see my d#@k / I'm a beat dat p%$*y up"
• "I'd do anything just to feel your butt"

The answer: for the week of May 21, 2005, you can find them all here (originally found here).

I wonder if Alexander Graham Bell ever made as much money from each phone call as 50 Cent and Ludacris do.

E.T. phone home? More like B.E.T. phone home.

--Junichi

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES

"You forgot Mother's Day."

As I've done once before, I'd like to tap into your collective vast knowledge and ask 20 questions to which I have often wondered the answer. I apologize in advance for my naivete, ignorance, ineptitude, or selfishness in asking them.

(Update: The questions in green have been answered and the questions in orange have been partially answered in the comments.)

Here are my 20 questions:

1. In California, there is a city called "Los Banos." What is a bano? (Note: it's not los baños, which is Spanish for the bathrooms.)


2. If I'm not depressed, what happens if I take Prozac?
   


3. What is the difference between men's and women's deodorant? (What the hell does "Ph-balanced" mean?)


4. What happens to your credit card debt or your outstanding student loans when you die? What if you aren't married and your parents are no longer alive?


5. Are there any nutrients that fruits and vegetables provide that can't be obtained from vitamins?


6. What has better odds: playing basic strategy in blackjack or betting only on the pass line in craps?


7. Has there been any network sitcom since Maude to feature a main character getting an abortion?


8. Can you contract the HIV virus strictly through oral sex (and no other type of sexual contact)? Are there documented cases? Is receiving more dangerous than giving?


9. Who commands a higher annual salary: top basketball players like Shaquille O'Neal or individual team owners like Jerry Buss? (I'm only considering a player's income from playing basketball, not commercial endorsements, movie deals, etc.)


10. If you connect to the Internet using somebody else's wireless modem, can you illegally download whatever you want without fear since the IP address is traced to the person who owns the wireless modem?


11. Why is a King-Ace in Texas Hold-Em referred to as "Big Slick"?


12. Everyone says Dr. Dre has never written any of his own lyrics; Eminem and Snoop are two of the alleged ghost-writers. But how do we really know this is true if neither Eminem nor Snoop nor Dre have admitted this (to my knowledge)?


13. Is the ability or inability to whistle a genetic trait?


14. Where does "flipping the bird" come from?


15. Is it truly dangerous to use a cell phone while pumping gas? Has a cell phone ever caused a gas-related explosion?


16. How difficult or competitive is it to get a CD released through iTunes? How does Apple decide what to release?


17. Other than Costco and Nordstrom's, what other major stores allow you to return things without a receipt?


18. Is there any major religion or church that sanctifies and does not discriminate, in any way, between gay relationships and straight ones?


19. What is David Bowie's "Space Oddity" about?


20. Why aren't seat belts required on a bus? Aren't you just as likely to get hurt or thrown out of a window if a Greyhound crashes or tips over?

--Junichi

BLOGERATI PARTY

throwing a soiree but not everyone's invited

In concept, I'm not mad at the new Huffington Post Blog which brings together dozens (and I do mean dozens) of different pundits, public figures, celebs, etc. to join the greatest blog cluster f--- in the history of group blogging. It's meant to act as a Left-y corrective to some of the more Right leaning blogs out there with the #1 target being The Drudge Report (aka one of the worst designed content sites in the history of the internet). Politically, I'm always game for any attempt on the Left to try to reclaim some valuable ground in the culture wars.

So far, it doesn't look like the Huffington Post is going to achieve that victory.

#1, and this is so glaring that it stares you dead in the face, THP is overwhelmingly white, male and post-boomer/pre-Gen-X. Not. A. Good. Look. It's stunning that Arianna would have been so lax in failing to offer a more diverse selection of opinion-makers. If I wanted to know what 40-something white guys think about the world, all I'd need to do is open any newspaper, magazine or TV channel and voila.

#2, there's far, far too much content and very little of it is worth reading. That's a reflection of the blog world in general (Poplicks not excepted): everyone has something to say but very little of it is worth hearing. What THP has done is collect all these inane opinions by presumably smart people and make them available on a single site. I suppose this has the advantage of allowing you to only click once to close the window on so much wasted content rather than having to do it across 40 open pages.

Maybe the issue here is one of organization - if THP were designed better, perhaps by categorizing the content of the posts or the posters, then people would have an easier time navigating the site and finding content they'd actually want to read rather than being drown in so much blogahherea. I suspect (hope) that someone at THP will realize that they have a huge content management problem on their hand and quickly find some solutions. Otherwise, THP, I suspect, will go down as a provocative experiment, but ultimately, a failed one.

---

MEANWHILE...

Gangstarr = No More?. At least that's the rumor. Not that I thought Gangstarr would go out with a huge bang, but after The Ownerz quietly came and went, the demise of one of hip-hop's greatest duos does seem rather anti-climactic. What I want to know is where Primo has disappeared off to. Considering that he was once the underground's #1 go-to beatmaker, he's been conspiciously quiet for the last two years. Just Blaze has filled in that vacuum nicely but Primo's sudden vanishing is still odd.
(credit: J-Smooth)

MTV's Top Ten Hip-Hop Albums. As with all list-making, MTV's selections are entirely open to debate and critique (and no doubt, people have hardly wasted any time in doing both). All things said, the consensus list between MTV's different staff members reads conventionally with few surprises. I do think putting Tupac on there is pure pandering to populism especially given the glaring omissions: Wu-Tang, BDP, ATCQ, De La Soul, etc. On the other hand, a Top 10 list is far too small to be able to be truly inclusive of every album worthy to be in consideration. Top 25 though? Perhaps.
(credit: Spine Magazine)

Tough week for penguins. In New York, two gay penguins are causing a ruckus while in San Francisco, chlamydia from an infected sea gull kills a dozen penguins. (Just for the record, this wasn't a result of inter-special slutting around - avian chlamydia spreads more easily than the human VD variety).

Name that font. Now this is what the WWW was created for: WhatTheFont.com. Or maybe this: Knightcite Bibliography Maker.

Last but never least: squirrelploitation. Doesn't the name Superbushsquirrel sound quite risque? Instead, you get stuff like this:

Now THIS is what makes the WWW so amazing.
(credit: Derek Wong)

--O.W.

PUTTING THE PUNCH IN PUNCHLINES

Cay-Cay-Cable Guy

Meet Larry the Cable Guy, arguably the most successful comic in America today.

You've probably heard of him since LTCG had the top-grossing comedy tour last year, beating Chris Rock. His latest album, The Right to Bare Arms, is the highest-charting comedy record since 1978. This CD is spotlighted at Target and other major department stores that rarely carry comedy discs. He also has a regular stage on the WB and Comedy Central as part of Blue Collar TV.

LTCG's core audience is the self-described "redneck" crowd, mostly in red states, that eat up his "white trash" humor like marshmallow fluff. But his popularity extends to the blue states, most recently evidenced by the fact that is headlining at San Jose's HP Pavilion this Sunday.

I've since listened to or read enough of his stuff to conclude that the success of his jokes rely upon his audience sharing specific values.

If you want a taste of his values, you can scan through his website "commentary" to discover that he repeatedly makes "ching chow ching chow" jokes about the Chinese, refers to Arabs as "back ass rag fags" while equating them all with terrorists, and makes similarly derogatory statements about women, every other racial minority, and gays and lesbians.

One of LTCG's routines consists of him standing on stage and spotting something behind him. "Aw, those are my shadows," he says, relieved. "I thought a couple black guys were sneaking up behind me." According to the May 5 issue of Rolling Stone, this joke kills.

Sure, nearly every comedian makes jokes like these that thrive on stereotypes. I'm not a comic, and I don't play one on TV, but I certainly plead guilty to writing material that depends upon the common (mis)perceptions of groups -- e.g., "all Irish people drink," "all Republicans are fluffers," "all Japanese men have nice buns," etc.

But whereas most comedians rely upon caricatures as harmless or outdated as Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation, LTCG sounds like he's doing warm-up for Alan Jackson's Aryan Nation.

When Larry cracks that "there'll be a new show out next week called Black Eye on the Queer Guy," it's hard to distinguish between the joke and a recipe for another Matthew Shepard.

TO CONTINUE READING...


Similarly, I don't think it's a stretch to conclude that when he does long rants justifying what took place in Abu Ghraib prison, millions of his fans have been validated or brainwashed into defending the US military's right to commit torture, in clear violation of international law.

For the record, I know that Larry the Cable Guy is a persona created by a man named Dan Whitney. But whether he believes what he says, his audience is clearly laughing because they share his character's value system. I don't ever get the impression that people are laughing at him.

I have too many battles to choose before I join the so-called 'P.C. police.' If I nitpick every problematic thing a comedian ever says, my head would explode. Most of my favorite sources of comedy -- South Park, Family Guy, The Daily Show, Wonder Showzen, The Onion -- are replete with jokes that are, quite simply, "wrong."

But when the best-selling comic of 2005 is blatantly advocating punching queers, it's impossible to just dismiss him as a jokester.

These hateful jokes, along with the recent Hot 97 controversy, have me constantly ruminating on the question of hate speech vs. free speech. On most days, I consider myself a First Amendment absolutist. I've been censored enough to know the fear of a totalitarian government that monitors our speech. However, I also know that hateful insults are an effective way to spread discriminatory attitudes, especially when done under the banner of comedy.

This all raises a few questions:

Given how many millions of fans follow LTCG, why aren't stand-up comedians like him targeted? Why waste our time on seminal vesicles like those "Jersey Guys" radio hosts when Larry has over a thousand times as many listeners?

Do comedians get a free pass, so long as it makes someone laugh? Moreover, is there any effective way to battle hate speech in comedy?

Is there a line in comedy?

--Junichi

LATE TO THE PARTY

what? me controversial?

I know, I know - at this point, what can there possibly be left to say about Maya Arulpragasam, aka M.I.A., especially online where her reputation initially took flight.

My NPR review of her Arular CD finally ran this morning though if you want a more expanded essay addressing the same concerns I expounded over her exotification by music critics, I suggest you read Jon Caramanica's "Refugee Chic" piece from Slate.com last month.

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #5

Suddenly, the local cineplex shows adult movies.

This Week's Question:

Have you ever walked out of a movie (or wish you had)? If so, which ones and why?

--Junichi

WEEKEND WRAP-UP: DEAR MAMA EDITION

Breakin Windmills 2: Catholic Boogaloo

• Pour A Little Liquor for the Pope: I knew Sean John and Sean Paul had a role in hip hop, but I didn't know about John Paul. Though I thought I was hallucinating, the rewind button on my TiVo has confirmed that The Game, while performing his new song "Dreams" on MTV's Direct Effect, uttered the following introduction to his performance:

"This joint right here is dedicated to all the fallen legends of hip hop: Tupac Shakur, Notorious B.I.G., Aaliyah, Left Eye, Soldier Slim, Camouflage, Jam Master Jay, Johnnie Cochran, Pope John Paul, and everybody who died in the struggle."

• May It Please The Court, Your Honor, My Client Has Hoes In Different Area Codes. The Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals just published an opinion in US v. Murphy, which contains the following footnote clarifying the difference between a "hoe" and a "ho":

"The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch 'hoe.' A 'hoe,' of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden's response. We have taken the liberty of changing 'hoe' to 'ho,' a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps, 'You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies.'"

As a former law clerk on the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, I am mad jealous of the clerk who drafted footnote 1. For those who need to see the full text of the opinion, the PDF is available here. (Credit: Hank for the heads-up.)

• Another Year, Another Year Without My Name on a Mug: Yet again, none of my favorite first names -- Conchuda, Latifah, Gallagher, Xena, Left Eye, Gallagher, Propecia, Chewy, Ludacris, Fallopia, Fabolous, O-Dub, or Junichi -- made the Top 10 Baby Names of 2004 in the United States.

• Say It, Don't Spray It: The Weekly World News published a story on a new product that will certainly alter the lives of those living in the closet: New Spray Makes Homosexuals Invisible to Gaydar.

• Bad. Speaking of quality reporting, I rarely recommend anything in the San Francisco Chronicle, which is, quite possibly, the Cliff's Notes of newspapers. But Don Asmussen's Bad Reporter comic strip is always refreshingly bizarre. Check out one of his recent entries: Runaway Bride Found in Wendy's Chili.

• Hot. Finally, I'm happy to go on record and say that these Thai tranny contestants in the Miss Tiffany Universe beauty pageant are gorgeous:

--Junichi

THE MARRIAGE DEBATE

rings of power

I was remarking this morning that The Chronicle of Higher Education is an excellent publication - informative, well-written, and brings in a nice balance of voices, opinions and perspectives. If NPR was a weekly newspaper, it would very closely resemble the Chron.

In this week's issue, they have an essay by Stephanie Coontz, writing on "The New Fragility of Marriage". I've been very interested in current debates around marriage - especially given local politics here in San Francisco around gay marriage and the like. While I don't have personal issues with the concept of modern marriage (after all, I am jumping the broom with S in 9 days), I find it troubling how the marriage institution has become a cornerstone of new Christian Right fundamentalism. They've shown great ability to create paranoia around the idea that the "foundation" of marriage is crumbling - this is exactly what that quack Pat Robertson is trying to milk.

What Coontz tries to do is look at exactly how the institution of marriage has changed over time and in doing so, she inadvertently exposes why much of this current hand-wringing over marriage is more hysterical than historical. Some choice ideas that she offers:

"...people's sense of what "the marriage crisis" involves differs drastically from place to place. In the United States, policy makers worry about the large numbers of children born out of wedlock. In Germany and Japan, by contrast, many planners are more interested in increasing the total number of births, regardless of the form of the family in which the children will be raised. So while federal policy in the United States encourages abstinence-only sex-education classes, Japanese pundits lament the drop in business at Japan's rent-by-the-hour 'love hotels.'"

"From the moment of its inception, that revolutionary new marriage system already showed signs of the instability that was to plague it at the end of the 20th century. As soon as the idea that love should be the central reason for marriage was first raised, observers of the day warned that the same values that increased people's satisfaction with marriage as a relationship had an inherent tendency to undermine the stability of marriage as an institution."

"Marriage has become more joyful, loving, and satisfying for many couples than ever before in history. At the same time, it has become optional and more brittle. Those two strands of change cannot be disentangled."

"No sooner did the ideal of marrying for love triumph than its most enthusiastic supporters started demanding the right to divorce if love died... And when people started thinking that the quality of the relationship was more important than the economic functions of the institution, some men and women argued that the committed love of two unmarried individuals, including those of the same sex, deserved at least as much social respect as a formal marriage entered into for mercenary reasons."

"...the most effective support systems for married couples, like subsidized parental leaves, flexible work schedules, high-quality child care, and access to counseling when a relationship is troubled, would also make things easier for those people who are constructing relationships outside marriage. Conversely, any measures that significantly limited social support or freedom of choice for the unmarried would probably backfire on the quality of life for the married as well."

The simple moral here is that you can't roll the clock back. People who talk about the "institution of marriage" being threatened rarely have an idea of what institution they're talking about and as Coontz tries to point out, the very ability for our society to enjoy marriage in its current state was brought about by transformations that simultaneously create many options away from marriage. Can't have it one way or the other.

(Or, in other words, to all the Defense of Marriage twits out there, kindly STFU).

--O.W.

REMOVING THE CORK ON CRAZY

the mouthpiece of the lord? or just the loony?
So, is Pat Robertson smoking dust or what?

Says the good bad rev.: "Over 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings." It gets better:

"Confronted by Stephanopoulos on his claims that an out-of-control liberal judiciary is the worst threat America has faced in 400 years - worse than Nazi Germany, Japan and the Civil War - Robertson didn't back down.

"Yes, I really believe that," he said. "I think they are destroying the fabric that holds our nation together."

Maybe the left doesn't need to attack the right head on. Maybe they just need to subscribe to the "let them hang themselves with their own rope" approach.

It's not all scary. Sometimes, religious conservatives can be downright funny. Hiphopmusic.com found this: Christian college students renounce rap music. Choice quote right here: "rap music started as messages of anti-Christ that were delivered alongside rhythm and beats."

Ain't the devil happy?

And speaking of dust smokers (or ones who play them on TV)...is the $50,000,000 Man (aka Dave Chappelle) self-destructing? Too busy partying? Got stage fright? "Chappelle's Show Shut Down".

Mark Anthony Neal passed this along: "If a Runaway Bride Can Get National Attention, Why Can’t Tamika Huston's Disappearance?". Or, to put it in more direct language: why does the media pull out every stop to report on a missing white woman but missing black women are doubly invisible?

How bored are Texas lawmakers? "Texas lawmakers sent a message to the state's high school cheerleaders Wednesday: no more booty-shaking at the game."

Cue up Bobby Caldwell's "What You Won't Do (You Do For Love)": Man sells off entire record collection to win back girlfriend.
(credit: Soulstrut.com)

--O.W.

INTERRACIAL DATING GUIDES

POPLICKS FUN CORNER!

Three out of four of the books below are real and can be purchased on Amazon.com. One is fake.

Can you spot the non-existent book? Hit the link to see if you're right!



How To Date A White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men by Adam Quan




How To Attract Asian Women by Ming Tan




The Interracial Dating Book For Black Women Who Want To Date White Men by Adam White




How To Land An Asian Man by Gan Ni Niang


(Credit: My boy Danny sent me the link to one of the books above, which led to Amazon recommending the two other books.)

--Junichi

ALL EYEZ ON MY FINGER

Finger 11

Today, the two greatest mysteries facing our country are:

1. Where did Bay Area resident Anna Alaya get the human finger that she claims she found in a bowl of chili from a San Jose Wendy's (pictured above)?

2. Where can we find the body -- dead or alive -- of Bay Area rapper Tupac Shakur?

I think I found a clue to both mysteries in the picture below ...

Hello, search warrant!

* * *

P.S. Bonus missing finger news!

--Junichi

FILE THIS UNDER "IMPORTANT BUT DUH!"

Asians poorly represented on TV. (CNN)

And random observation but I love how China's olive branch are panda bears.

--O.W.

SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST

stars fly discount airlines and eat tortilla chips too

I flew down to Los Angeles today to do an interview with Common. This is for a cover story that will appear in URB later in early summer. I'll get to Common in a moment but first...

I took Southwest down and while I was boarding the plane, I notice there was an empty aisle seat. So I take the seat and as I'm putting my bags on the floor, I look over and it's Taye Diggs.

At first, I'm thinking, "damn, this dude looks like Taye Diggs." And then I stare a bit harder and realize, "no, this is definitely Taye Diggs," and that thought was immediately followed by, "what is Taye Diggs doing on a Southwest flight?" Not like he's got Clooney-Pitt private jet loot or anything but when I mentioned this story to others today, their first reaction was the same as mine.

I did manage to avoid playing myself by not asking the requisite, "um, are you Taye Diggs?" question though I was mightily tempted since I thought it was funny that I'd be flying to interview Common and the last film I saw with Diggs in it was Brown Sugar which is basically the cinematic version of "I Used to Love H.E.R."

---

Down in L.A., I met up with Common at a slightly swanky Mexican restaurant on Beverly (where the chips and salsa were remarkably good). I remembered that the last time I interviewed Common, it was at City Crab in Manhattan, back in 1999. I don't know if Common just likes to do his interviews in restaurants but I wouldn't have minded so much if it wasn't for the fact that this place was playing bad pop music on its house system.

I had forgotten how good of an interview Common is. He's not as sound-bite friendly as say, Mos Def - Common has a habit of speaking in generalities such as, "if I feel a song, I just feel it" but whatever he lacks in precision articulation, he makes up with in sincerity. Most writers aspire to have their interviews feel more like conversations and that's what talking to Common is like: it's like talking to him.

I won't get into the nitty gritty of the interview (read my story when I drop it) but here's a few quick questions I asked at the end for a sidebar.

Name your three favorite songs from your own career:

1) "I Used to Love H.E.R." (no surprise there)
2) "The Bitch In Yoo" (definitely surprise there)
3) "The Light" (again, not surprising)

Name two songs by other artists you wish you had written:

1) Nas: "NY State of Mind" My first reaction was, "you're picking a song called 'New York State of Mind'? and he laughed and said, "well, I would have called it 'Chicago State of Mind.'" Great choice though - this is my favorite Nas song as well.
2) Big Daddy Kane: "Raw" This took him a long, long time to come up with. He threw out some initial feelers including "Passin' Me By," "My Philosophy," "Lost Ones," "Once Upon a Time In the Projects," but finally settled on "Raw."

--O.W.

WHO'S YO DADDY?

Six More Commandments

Given our immersion in this moment of mourning and extreme papalphilia, is it safe to criticize the leaders of the Catholic Church yet?

I'd say the Vatican is firing the first shot anyway, because it just condemned Spain's new law allowing people to marry without regard to the gender of a person's spouse. The head of the Vatican's Pontifical Council for the Family also declared that the adoption of children by same-sex couples is "moral violence" against children.

Moral violence? The Catholic Church (a.k.a. Molested Kids R Us) is accusing two loving parents who choose to adopt an orphaned child of moral violence?

What credibility does any man who condemns abortions, sex, and adoptions possess, when he is a childless virgin without a uterus?

I confess my sins: sometimes I wish the Pope would stop getting in everybody's gooch and take a Roman shower instead.

* * *

To be fair, you should hear other perspectives on the Church. Thankfully, Pope "Eggs" Benedict XVI has a blog.

(Credit for the link and the picture: a/k/a/ GunYoga)

* * *

Just in case you need more reasons to worry about this new Pope: click here.

--Junichi

MAY FLOWERS

choose your weapon

Hua passed this along, a NY Times story about how a Japanese company decided between two auction houses through a game of rock, paper, scissors. The best part of the story concerns how two 11 year olds were consulted by Christie's as part of their strategizing for which choice to make. Says one of them, Alice, "Everybody knows you always start with scissors. Rock is way too obvious, and scissors beats paper."

Trill.

Welcome to the next level of online dating. According to a new story in Wired, the company HighJoy doesn't just offer online dating services like hundreds of other sites, but their special feature is an interactive, um, "toy" that cyberchatters can control on one another. The term used in the story - and this is just so rich - is "teledildonics." (I'll give you all a moment to stop guffawing). So not only can you use the internet to get hot and steamy with that special cyber-someone (vs., you know, actual physical interaction) but you can literally push each other's buttons now.

And you thought typing with one hand was hard enough.

Then again, maybe cybersex can help people meet the requirements outlined by the new new Abstinence-Only movement.

It could be worse though. At least you're not a Japanese housewife, sneaking to the love hotel with a sex volunteer.

Speaking of computing stuff, true Macintosh Nerds™ probably already know about Konfabulator but if you didn't it - it does the exact same thing that the new Dashboard feature in Tiger does, but works with older versions of OSX and more importantly, already has 1,000 widgets set up for it, compared to Dashboard's 100 (expect that to change - rapidly).

The SF Chronicle published an incredibly long story about the life and death of author Iris Chang who committed suicide last fall.

What happens when people have a good concept and gobs of time on their hands: N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton, the "explicit only" version (i.e. it's nothing BUT profanity now).

And I should have done this a week ago but in case you haven't already seen this noted on a zillion other blogs: Reginald Dennis' tell-all about his days at The Source is some of the best drama I've read in ages. Movie rights anyone?

You'd think Mark Cuban would have his hands full, you know, running the Mavericks and all, but he still takes the time out to blog about the death of the CD.

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #4

When the Bloods beat the Crips

This Week's Question:

Exactly six months after the last presidential election, what do you now consider the single most important reason voters chose George W. Bush over John F. Kerry?

--Junichi

WEEKEND WRAP-UP: MAYDAY EDITION

The Ambassador of Pimping

• Pimp Globally, Rap Locally: I love Ludcaris, but I'm a bit embarrassed over the fact that he is the first American rapper to shoot a video in Africa for his new song -- wait for it -- Pimping All Over The World. I understand 'pimping' has multiple meanings, but to my ears, it sounds like Ludacris -- whose latest album is The Red Light District -- is promoting the enslavement of women for men's sexual pleasure to a continent that the US already shackled a few centuries ago. Ludacris says, "I wanted the video to be a true African experience." Indeed. (Credit: Hiphopmusic.com)

• Reason #137 Why It Sucks When Your Lover Leaves You For Tom Cruise: You become an alcoholic, get arrested for a DUI, and then the world learns that your real first name is Frederick.

• Rush Limbaugh Gets Clobbered by Claymates: The world's most famous conservative radio host/drug-addict/colostomy-bag has insulted millions of different people in America, but only Clay Aiken fans have successfully bombarded him with enough mail to earn an apology. Apparently, the left can learn a lot from the religious fanaticism of Clay's followers.

• America We Stand As One (The Remix!): Surely, you've seen the original. Well, now, there's the remix! (Thanks for the heads up, Build or Destroy.)

• International Relations 101: Bush called Kim Jong-il a "tyrant." This last weekend, North Korea responded by called Bush a "hooligan." The White House is expected to reply by referring to Kim Jong-il as either a "rascal," a "varmint," or "Lil Kim." Pyongyang will then make the 'neener-neener' face and refer to Bush as either a "scoundrel," a "taint" or "the home of Nell Carter."

• Poetry Should Hijack The Bus: Shameless plug alert: an excerpt of one of my poems just aired on NPR's Weekend America. More details here. You can stream it here | download the MP3 podcast by right-clicking here. It starts at 26:00.

--Junichi