MEDICAL NEWS ROUND-UP

This dude's bark is worse than his bite

Medical stories for your reading pleasure:

• One Man's Roots: Check out this story about a poor Indonesian fisherman whose body has been hijacked by tree-like growths. (See photo above.) His bark-like sprouts are actually warts caused by HPV. The article link includes video to satisfy those, like me, who suspect some sort of sci-fi-inspired, Photoshop-created practical joke. Sadly, the man's wife left him, effectively cutting herself off from the family tree. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)
  

• "Which side is it? Left?" "Right." "Right?" "Your right": Rhode Island Hospital was fined $50,000 and reprimanded after the -- not once, not twice, but -- third time one of its doctors performed brain surgery on the wrong side of a patient's head. The state has ordered a major investigation to determine how to prevent this from happening again. Doesn't the solution lie in buying a few good Sharpies?

• Trichophagia link of the day: Doctors in Illinois found a 10-pound "bezoar" in an 18-year-old woman's stomach. What's a bezoar? It's a term for swallowed foreign material. What was the foreign material? Hair. Why was there hair in her stomach? Apparently, she suffered from trichophagia, which is the habit of eating one's own hair. Doctors discovered that her stomach pains were caused by the giant schnitzel of her hair, which measured an astonishing 15" x 7" x 7". What's that, reader? You wish you could see a photo of the hair? Well, Happy Hanukkah, then.
  

(Credit: H-Town 537)

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: LUDACRIS

I wanna li-li-li-lick you from your knees to your toes

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Ludacrismas" by Ludacris
not on the soundtrack for Fred Claus

This new Christmas song by Ludacris -- a promotional track for the movie Fred Claus, in which he plays a vinyl-spinning elf -- raises the following questions:

1. What won't Ludacris sample?


2. Why is Luda's Christmas tree decorated with toilet paper?


3. Did he negotiate a contract whereby he earns a few Gs each time he says "Fred Claus"?


4. If this song wasn't good enough to make the Fred Claus soundtrack, what does that say about the Fred Claus soundtrack?


5. What has a better chance of becoming an annual holiday favorite: this song or any random track off of the Christmas on Death Row album?


6. Will Santa Claus pay attention to "wiss-lists" provided by persons swerving from egg nog?
   


7. What happened to Chris "Ludacris" Bridges' future as a serious Oscar-caliber actor?

Comments?

--Junichi

O DUBBED

My fix-it ticket

I received a fix-it ticket from an LAPD cop for not having a driver's license with my new mailing address (even though I later confirmed that it's not necessary to have my new address on my license, so long as I notify the DMV, which I did).

As I was looking at my ticket, I noticed that in the box designating my race, the officer wrote "O."

What do you think O stands for -- "Other" or "Oriental"? I have no idea and am curious to know.

For the record, my birth certificate says "Oriental."

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #126

Is there a reason Trent Lott is retiring so soon?

This Week's Question:

Larry Flynt told Fox News that within the next two weeks he will expose a major bombshell of a sex scandal involving a prominent U.S. Senator.

If this is true, which senator do you predict will be the latest to be involved in a sex scandal? Or whom would you like to see unveiled? And what will the details of the exposé entail?

--Junichi

YES YES YA'LL, WE DON'T STOP

Forget the Roc Boys, it's the MDA in the building tonight.


(This was posted in the comments but I had to up it here too:)

--O.W.

HOW TO COPE DURING THE WRITERS' STRIKE

Who needs new episodes of The Office when you have Hot Tub Kenny?

The writers strike will inevitably lead many to spend more time on the Internet for entertainment.

Aside from Poplicks, here are five other gold-star websites I recommend you check out. Each one can easily occupy your attention for at least six months without interruption.

1. Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers - http://www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com/

This quality site comes with a corn muffin recipe and some Kenny-spotting tips. The "Kenny of the Month Archive" photo on the main page allows me to visualize the infectious fetish that this web page will spread.

Honor that special white-haired someone in your life who looks like Kenny Rogers and upload a photo of him/her today.


2. Hot Chicks with Douchebags - http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Sample photos:



(Credit: Kiarash)


3. Anonymous Confessions - http://www.notproud.com/

Sample confession:


"I have an obsession with sticking Q-tips in my left ear. Only my left one. Sometimes I will stick a Q-tip in the right one briefly for the sake of balance, but I only like to do it to the left one."


Make like a Catholic priest and absorb other people's naughty secrets. Or leave your own.


4. Tampon Crafts - http://www.tamponcrafts.com/

I used to be embarrassed about buying feminine products at the store, but now I can do so with pride because I have my own need for them.

Hello, fellow Target shoppers! Why yes, I *am* about to make a super-absorbent centerpiece for my family's Thanksgiving dinner:



Website includes step-by-step instructions on how to make everything from a pan flute to a menorah. Great for kids and adults!


5. Fox News Porn - http://foxnewsporn.com/

A fair and balanced collection of pornographic images and video previously broadcast on Fox News.

Preview video:

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #125

Boss, you looked at my rap sheet?

This Week's Question:

As the executive in charge of hiring at your workplace, you need to quickly fill a managerial position that involves employee supervision, customer relations, and significant responsibility.

You've narrowed down the applicant pool to four equally qualified applicants.

The only problem is that your four candidates have each been arrested, convicted, and jailed for a different crime:

(Not photos of actual candidates)

You have to choose one candidate and the only thing that distinguishes them are the crimes for which they were convicted.

Whom do you hire?

--Junichi

AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF AMPUTEES

Going out on a prosthetic limb

Above is one of two new billboard campaigns with Heather Hills for a vegan charity in the UK.

Regardless of whether it's true that Heather is seeking half of Sir Paul's $1 billion+ fortune, I'm pretty sure that most Brits will be eating more meat and dairy out of spite.

--Junichi

MISS LANDMINE ANGOLA 2008

Mariana Lucas, Miss Huambo

I'm not big on beauty contests, but I have to admit that the Miss Landmine project is a beautiful idea.

After visiting Angola, Norwegian artist Morten Traavik observed that African disabled women were looked down upon and isolated, not to mention perceived as helpless victims by the international community. So Traavik sought funding to create a yearly pageant of landmine survivors in Angola, where beauty contests are apparently a tradition. The winner receives a leg prothesis from Norway’s leading orthopedic clinic.

Sadly, there is no shortage of potential contestants, since twenty three years of civil war has resulted in over 80,000 people in Angola affected by landmines.

Not surprisingly, the pageant has run into a lot of controversy and opposition, with some critics dismissing this as western exploitation and ‘mutilation pornography.’ According to the website's press materials, the Angolan government and other NGOs are supporting the project, but some of the 'white' NGOs are refusing to do the same.

I admit my initial discomfort about this idea. Anything that involves parading women in bathing suits sounds exploitative to me. I was sold, however, when I read about how it has changed the participants' lives and how the project has fueled an international effort to establish a national female landmine survivor’s network through community-based rehabilitation.

Each of the pageant candidates represents her own province by disseminating information to other similarly-situated women and coordinating assistance.

Plus, by letting the world vote and getting people to the site, the pageant spreads awareness of the landmine-related issues affecting over 2 million people today. So necessary.

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: MC HAWKING

Straight Outta Cambridge

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"All My Shootings Be Drivebys" by MC Hawking
from the new LP, A Brief History of Rhyme

(For some reason, DivShare seems to be malfunctioning. Here's another link.)

What, is there another MC with better flow ... who speaks through a voicebox?

(Please don't say T-Pain.)

Even being confined to text-to-speech software, MC Hawking clearly has a better command of rhythm, intonation, spacing, and breathing than, say, Mase or Soulja Boy.

Plus, MC Hawking gets points in my book for being a conscious rapper. Conscious, that is, of the fact that the Euclidean path integral over all topologically non-trivial metrics is asymptotically independent of the initial state of black holes.

--Junichi

OUT AT HOME?

--O.W.

CAL BAND GOES RETRO

The Tetris simulation is wicked.
(Thanks: HHH)

--O.W.

ASIAN AMERICAN INTERRACIAL DATING: REVISITED

not hot enough?

Every so often, I like to keep up with the current state of research on interracial dating/marriage patterns, especially as it relates to Asian Americans. I don't need to tell anyone within that community that it's a never-ending source of tension and controversy.

The problem I've long had with this debate - besides the over-heated attitudes you're likely to encounter from both men and women (but especially the men) is that it's long rested on anecdotal "evidence" that people use to trump the growing body of social research on the topic. I get it - for many people (*cough cough* the men especially), it's the quotidian experience of witnessing Asian American out-dating that stirs such visceral reactions; digging through academic research isn't their bag (even if may be mine).

I recently saw this piece, on Slate.com, written by Columbia Business School professor Ray Fisman, about a series of articles he and his collaborators are publishing based on data collected from speed-dating experiments in Chicago. Their proposed findings are quite fascinating, even though some of them simply confirm what most people already knew: straight men are into looks but are intimidated by women they find either smarter and/or more ambitious than they are. Likewise, women value intelligence over looks and don't have a problem with seeking out mates who are smarter or more ambitious.

However, part of what the study also looks at is interracial dating preferences. The complete study is available, in PDF form, here, and is worth looking at even for those who've never taken a course in quantitative data analysis.

Here are some of the highlights, especially as they relate to some of the assumptions people make re: gendered preferences for interracial dating.

1) For Slate, Fisman writes: "We also found that East Asian women did not discriminate against white men (only against black and Hispanic men). As a result, the white man-Asian woman pairing was the most common form of interracial dating—but because of the women's neutrality, not the men's pronounced preference."

This - I think - is a very interesting hypothesis and it's in line with other studies on Asian American dating preferences that suggest the high level of Asian female outmarriage has as much to do - if not more - with contact opportunities created by Asian American geographic/social integration than specific racial preferences, per se. Anyone who is interested to see other research on that hypothesis should read the works of OSU's Zhenchao Qian.

2) Fisman notes, in the study, that when adjusted for controls, most women - Asian and otherwise - exhibit a strong same race preference for their partners, significantly more so than men. In other words, men are fairly equal opportunity when it comes to who they date, unlike women:

"White women were more likely to choose white men; black women preferred black men; East Asian women preferred East Asian men; Hispanic women preferred Hispanic men. But men don't seem to discriminate based on race when it comes to dating. A woman's race had no effect on the men's choices."

That should come as some comfort to paranoid Asian men...but what Fisman notably excludes from the Slate piece is a rather despairing finding that appears in the study itself:

"For male partners, our main finding is that Asians generally receive
lower ratings than men of other races.20 In fact, when we run the regressions separately for each race, we find that even Asian women find white, black, and Hispanic men to be more attractive than Asian men. "

(No doubt, many a voice out there, right now, is saying, "no sh--, Sherlock.")

The upside, if there is one to this, is that when one controls for attractiveness, then the bias disappears. In other words, the main factor that makes Asian men less desirable is their perceived attractiveness (or lack thereof). Therefore, if you're a good looking Asian dude - rejoice! You are now on equal footing with other men.

3) However...guess what? That bias runs both ways:

"female Asian partners are consistently rated as less attractive, though we also find that black females receive significantly lower ratings relative to whites. As above, we find that when these regressions are run separately for each race, even Asian men find white, black, and Hispanic women to be more attractive than Asian women."

Basically Asians, in general, get low marks for their attractiveness rating from all races - ourselves included. Ouch.

By the way: one thing the study notes is that, least likely to be drawn to Asian men and women, on the basis of their attractiveness rating: Latinos. No explanation is given for this but pop theorists: go wild.

4) Lastly, on Slate, Fisman wrote, "We found no evidence of the stereotype of a white male preference for East Asian women." However, what needs to be said here is not that said preference doesn't exist at all...it's only that, measured against the white men in the study, there was no overall preference. That shouldn't be surprising; I think Fisman might have misunderstood the stereotype: it's not that white men - writ large - prefer East Asian women. The stereotype is that there's a "certain kind of white man" who prefers East Asian women. But that's a study for another time.

(I might have more to add to this later but it's some interesting ideas to mull over in the meantime).

--O.W.

TOM TANCREDO WILL DEFEND OUR MALLS

Hot topic alert!

For your own protection and enlightenment, watch the above television commercial from GOP presidential candidate Tom Tancredo.

His latest commercial features the following ominous narration:

There are consequences to open borders beyond the 20 million aliens who've come to take our jobs. Islamic terrorists now freely roam U.S. soil. Jihadists, who froth with hate, here to do as they have in London, Spain, and Russia. The price we pay for spineless politicians who refuse to defend our borders against those who come to kill? ...

The ad depicts a hooded dude with white gloves strolling into a mall to the sounds of loud ticking (possibly the theme song to 60 Minutes), dropping his backpack near a bench, and then blowing up the place.

*

Tancredo's ad strikes me as inaccurate or deceptive.

I am always at the mall. (Forever 21, holla!)

So I know that if the ad's mall footage were real, we would hear nothing but Christmas Carols, unless it happened to be filmed during the non-holiday season between June 29 and July 2.

We'd also see more hyperactive children hopped up from consuming the year's supply of maple sugar that is one Cinnabon roll.

Plus, the only time I've seen an empty bench at the mall was outside Hit or Miss after my Panda Express-guzzling uncle once dropped a few of his own bombs on the bench, if you know what I'm saying, and I think you do.

But that's just me nitpicking with the ad.

As I absorb the imminent doom of hoodie-wearing Jihadists in the midst of Mervyn's, I realize Tancredo is right on point.

First, I have already felt the effects of 20 million aliens trying to take our jobs. As of next semester, the law school where I currently work will be outsourcing all teaching to the immigrant laborers hanging out near Home Depot. Also, the Dixie Chicks have replaced me with a Mongolian with even worser English skills than me has.

Second, Tancredo is correct to frame this upcoming presidential election as a choice between (1) political candidates who support opening our borders to those who plan to kill and (2) Tom Tancredo.

From now on, I'm playing for Team Tancredo. No longer will I fall for John Edwards' stump speech about how awesome it would be if we invited homicidal aliens into our country.

I thank the Lord that it's not too late to close our borders, defend our malls, and elect Tom Tancredo as our supreme leader.

As the sole candidate with the wisdom to make America safer by suggesting we bomb Islamic holy sites and the spine to ensure our shopping areas only allow liquids, gels, or Icees in three-ounce containers in single quart-size Ziploc bags, Tom Tancredo deserves our fear vote.

--Junichi

WHICH TATTOO SHOULD I GET?

Trusted Friends:

This holiday season, I wanted to give a gift to my wife (a.k.a. "my special lady") by getting a tattoo on my body that she would find sexy.

I intend for this tat to be my first and only body graffiti so I want to make sure that it's flawless, timeless, and a fitting expression of my individuality.

I also want to honor my ancestors by choosing a tattoo that the various ronin in my family might have chosen.

I've narrowed it down to five potential images that others before me have already tested out ...

They're all gorgeous, right?

The green James Brown mugshot zombie dragon probably is the sexiest, but the one with the cat portrait seems to have this zen quality that captures my belief in both Buddhism and the beauty of feline posteriors.

Complicating my choice is the fact that my grandparents would have chosen Weird Al, whereas my parents are extreme Claymates.

Having said all this, I'm most tempted by the illustration of a random woman on my back since I already have nipples on my derrière.

Perhaps I should just get all five inked today.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #124

Do Ellen's writers mean less to her than the adopted dog she bawled about?

This Week's Question:

You are TV host Ellen Degeneres. You support the writers' strike, but if you stop taping new shows, some of your staff and crew will lose their jobs. What do you do?

--Junichi

LIVE-BLOGGING THE CAL-USC GAME

How do you make a USC cheerleader laugh on Saturday?
You tell her a joke on Tuesday.

Once potential national championship contenders, California and USC have largely flubbed their chances at being invited to anything more exciting than the 2000 Flushes Toilet Bowl.

But given all the smack I've talked, I still consider this clash the real Big Game of the year. Since O-Deezy and I are both proud Cal alums, I've decided to live-blog this puppy. Here we go.

• 5 pm - Game is about to start. It's raining in the Yay, which I'm thinking should help Cal since, to quote, Tony! Toni! Toné!, it never rains in Southern California. So anyway, let's get down! And, it feels good! And, it's our anniversary! Ok, I've run out of Tony! Toni! Toné! lyrics to reference.
  


• 5:18 pm - So far, nothing too exciting other than I've realized today's QB matchup is Booty against Longshore, which is probably also the name of a porn film.
  


• 5:27 pm - Cal's throwback helmet looks like a stunt double for a Green Bay Packers helmet. Oh wait, what's this? ESPN is announcing a Taco Bell update! Be still my beating heart because ... oh, crap. The announcement has nothing to do with Taco Bell. For a second, I thought they had truly thought oustide the bun and accepted my proposal for a nacho cheese chalupa smoothie.
  


• 5:35 pm - Cal touchdown! 7-0, Cal. Yeeeah! I just dumped some Gatorade on my mom, who, in retaliation, just grounded me.
  


• 5:39 pm - ESPN is showing images of some Berkeley students living in some trees, which isn't helping the stereotype that Cal students love living in trees, which isn't a stereotype. I still have hemorrhoids from years of wiping with pine needles.
  


• 5:41 pm - USC touchdown. 7-7. The Cal defense looks distracted. I wonder if the daily anti-nuclear, pro-marijuana Berkeley protest/orgy is happening right now on Tightwad Hill.

• 6:00 pm - Ugh. I can hear that annoying USC fight song, which is this dirge that sounds like the soundtrack to a holocaust parade.
  

• 6:03 pm - USC has a guy with the last name Woidneck, which must be a tough name to have, especially if he's from the Bronx and his neck is really wide. Is it obvious yet that I am not competent to make any real sports-related observations?

• 6:05 pm - Cal field goal! 10-7, Cal. Thank you, Jordan Kay, excellent Cal kicker and former member of the New Kids on the Block. Wait! USC has a guy named Joey McKnight. Isn't he also a member of NKOTB? Is Donnie Wahlberg playing, too? Man, these guys are hangin' tough.

• 6:18 pm - USC touchdown. 14-10, USC. Excellent jumping and running by Chauncey Washington. ESPN is giving camera time to a trio of Asian USC guys celebrating in the stands. They look ridiculous; everyone knows there were never any Oriental Trojans
  

• 6:31 pm - Some large lunk in the stands has an actual Trojan helmet, which clearly was not made to fit people with a head larger than the average U$¢ student's trust fund. Halftime.
  

• 6:45 pm - My friend Chewy thinks Jeff Tedford looks like John Wayne and that we can't possibly lose with the Duke leading our team. Problem: Didn't Tedford look like John Wayne when Cal lost to UCLA, Oregon State, and Arizona State?

• 7:00 pm - This game seems to be rather lopsided. Why does the USC offense have nineteen men on the field, while Cal's defense clearly only consists of six guys? It's not fair. Cal should recruit a few more fellas to play D.
  


• 7:05 pm - Nice tackle by Mika Kane, one of the many Polynesian Bears. I enjoy all the curly black hair flowing out of the back of his helmet. Or is that a labradoodle stuck in there?

• 7:14 pm - Let's get ready to fuuuummmble! Cal just denied USC an easy touchdown. Cal now has the ball and ... a Cal fumble. Shucks. USC has the ball again. USC field goal. 17-10, USC. That anti-Michael Bolton, anti-Tiffany Ford commercial is almost cheering me up.
  

• 7:46 pm - At last! Lavelle Hawkins catches a beautiful throw in the end zone. Both teams tied at 17. Cal scored when I was scratching my head. If I stop scratching my head, they'll probably lose. So I'm going to keep scratching my head for the duration of the game, which is fine, since I think I might have a light case of lice.

• 7:57 pm - USC fumbles! The ESPN commentators keep saying, "Booty loses it" and "the Booty fumble," which are catchphrases that I'm going to use more often in my everyday life.
  

• 8:08 pm - USC touchdown. 24-17, USC. That touchdown was totally my fault. I stopped scratching my head for a few seconds -- my scalp was starting to bleed, but I acknowledge that it's a poor excuse when so much was at stake. Sorry.

• 8:35 pm - USC wins. Game is over. Painful. I just gouged out my eyes with a spork to try to stop the tears.
  

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: TINARIWEN

Please do not call me the Tuareg version of Justin Guarini

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Tamatant Tilay" by Tinariwen
from the new LP, Aman Iman: Water is Life

The West African band Tinariwen is a superb example of why my collection of music from Africa needs to expand beyond Paul Simon's Graceland. (That's only a half-joke.)

My friend Zahir exposed me to Tinariwen, which, sadly, exposed me to the existence of the nomadic Tuareg people. I've since learned that the Tuaregs now mostly reside in Mali and these rebels have been fighting for a homeland for decades. Out of this struggle, this band was born.

I can't really describe their latest album other than to say that the electric guitar plays a starring role in a sound that is a little blues, a little Santana (with whom they've performed), and something entirely unique. I believe this track that I chose is sung in their native language of Tamashek, but it could be French or English, for all I know.

Thoughts?

(Credit: Zahir)

--Junichi

A FAREWELL TO TWO ARMS (AND TWO LEGS)

The face of isciopagus

I remain fascinated with the story of Lakshmi Tatma, a 2-year-old Indian girl (above), who was born with four arms and four legs after consuming her parasitic twin in the womb.

The extensive surgery to remove her twin was apparently successful, which seems like a miracle. The poor girl not only had four extra limbs, but she also had two spines, four kidneys, two stomach cavities, two chest cavities, and a grip of tangled nerves.

As much as I am intrigued by the details of the surgery, I am spending most of my time contemplating other questions:

1. Did Lakshmi's parents name her Lakshmi -- the four-armed Hindu goddess of wealth -- before or after they learned that she had four arms?


2. Is this the first time that a human being has been simultaneously worshiped as a goddess by a local village and wanted by the local circus?


3. Is the reason that we don't hear stories like this in the United States because of Americans' access to better health care and technology? Or do expecting parents simply learn about their eight-limbed fetus and secretly abort without telling me about it?
   


4. What if Lakshmi represents the next level of human evolution? Sure, she wasn't able to stand or walk. But did the parents consider the possibility that the surgery directly conflicted with God's plan to create a differently-abled goddess that could, for example, play a piano duet as a solo artist?

--Junichi

ASIAN AMERICAN SKETCH COMEDY, ANYONE?

Those in SoCal should go check out the latest event produced by the good people at Projekt Newspeak: a Sketch Comedy Show on December 1st. I competed in one of their poetry slams and can testify to the fact that they know how to put on a show.

Here are the deetz:

The Sketch Comedy Show will show live sketches by our comedic cast as well as filmed video sketches. Having the feel of Saturday Night Live meets The Chappelle Show, The Sketch Comedy Show will be taped with a live audience of over 350 and will ultimately be pitched to industry executives as a potential new TV show.

PRE-SALE TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE NOW!!!

Presale: $15
At the Door: $20
VIP: $30 (no waiting in line + free afterparty)

Tickets on sale at: www.myspace.com/newspeakfunny | www.projektnewspeak.com | www.myspace.com/projektnewspeak

Questions? Email: info@projektnewspeak.com

The Sketch Comedy Show!
Sat., Dec 1st; 6:00 pm at the El Portal Theater, North Hollywood
projektnewspeak.com | newspeaktv.com | myspace.com/projektnewspeak

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #123

Errrbody in America getting tipsy

This Week's Question:

This holiday season, to whom do you intend to tip or provide a holiday bonus?

(This article suggests that current recipients of holiday tipping include building superintendents, housekeepers, hairdressers, child-care providers, fitness trainers, spa attendants, dog walkers, and elder-care workers. I've also heard stories of providing tips to their postal workers, their garbage collectors, and the authors of blogs that they read.)

--Junichi

THE MISS TEEN SOUTH CAROLINA OF THE 1990's

I know I've said this before, but now I really mean it: this is the best YouTube video ever.

Be sure to remember what Stacy Hedger looks like because I will probably dress up as her next Halloween.

(Credit: TinyViking)

--Junichi