HURRICANE WATCH IN NOLA

I know it's hurricane season but it is rather eerie that almost exactly three years after Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, another hurricane (this time, Gustav) is a Category 4, headed towards the same region, expected to make landfall early next week. (Evacuation orders are now in effect).

The timing is also ironic given that it coincides with the RNC and there are few more embarrassing reminders of the government's incompetence during the current GOP admin than the bungling of Katrina-related relief efforts. There's talk of them post-poning the RNC if things look really bad (which would be sound both ethically as well as politically) but either way, I wouldn't want to be Bush or Cheney trying to give a RNC keynote with the memory of 2005 haunting the proceedings.

It should remind us what's at stake here and why I am so confounded by the desire of people willing to vote for McCain/Palin as a way of "punishing" the Democratic party. To be honest, I'm not a huge Obama backer but I'd vote for any viable candidate that will deny the Republicans another term in office. It is morally unfathomable to me how anyone could stomach the idea of 4-8 more years of Bush/Cheney-style policies, politics and legislation. That is the toxic combination that failed the Gulf Coast so drastically three years ago and one can only hope that if the worst should happen with Gustav, at least the lessons of Katrina will push the response to be much more competent this time around.

BUT WAIT...

According to this story, if the storm does hit, McCain plans to give his keynote speech from the "devastation zone" in New Orleans:

"McCain made plans to travel to a threatened area of the Gulf Coast on Sunday, accompanied by his wife, Cindy, and running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. They planned to meet Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour (R) in Jackson, Miss., aides said.

McCain was scheduled to deliver his acceptance speech Thursday but now>may do so from the devastation zone if the storm hits the U.S. coast with the ferocity feared by forecasters."

I'm a cynical guy but even I can't believe McCain would be this opportunistic (would he?) I'm inclined to think politico.com might be misstating this. Either that or McCain really is deciding to self-destruct his own campaign, blow-by-blow.

Our thoughts are with the residents of the Gulf and hoping that the only government officials who show up there are there to help rather than grandstanding.

--O.W.

POST POSTNESS?

A minor, follow-up thought and believe me, this is not anything I'd deign to try to pass off as an "insight" but remember how liberals and conservatives alike have been trying to convince all of us that we're living in a colorblind, post-identity politics era, where we're supposed to judge people by the content of their character, blah blah blah?

Is that where we're at?

Forget retro-soul - it's retro-America. The '60s are back, baby!

Seriously though, does this mean we can roll back Prop 209 while we're at it?

Note to self: resurrect Movement fashion staples such as rice bag vests, berets and manly mustaches, straight up Richard Aoki style.

--O.W.

WOMEN: PUTTING THE "WILD" IN WILD CARD?

Palin's got the Viking demo sewn
It's 1:30am and something is nagging at me enough that I can't sleep.

There's been a lot said about identity politics with the election, specifically around the mentality of voters eager to see either 1) a Black person in the White House or 2) a woman. And we've all seen how analysts and pundits have tried to break down voting trends and polling data by looking at how identity politics may be showing its hand here.

Now...with the Palin nom, I think we can all agree: this is a gamble by McCain to try to grab at disaffected women voters (as well as shore up his standing amongst conservatives). Leaving the latter behind (i.e. conservatives who like Palin's voting record on key social issues) and just focusing on the former...whether you want to call them Pumas or not, there's no shortage of media hype about their wild-card factor.

And so what's keeping me up is this...

Symbolically, I can understand the appeal of wanting a Black person - male or female - in the White House. But assuming Hillary (who I didn't back) had won the nom and McCain, instead of choosing Palin, had gone with Colin or Condi, I wouldn't have had an inkling to want to reconsider voting for someone besides Hillary (even if, again, I didn't back her in the primaries). The reason is simple, and to quote the great Chuck D: every brother (or sister) ain't a brother (or sister). In other words, while a charismatic candidate like Obama gains identity politics enhancement points for being Black, his Blackness is not the overriding reason I'd back him. I'd actually have to, well, like him as a candidate. Hence, I'm not about to back a GOP ticket just because they're promising to integrate the Oval Office.

So goes it with Palin, shouldn't it? Right now, the punditry seems to think that McCain's choice is savvy because enough Democratic women will flock to the McCain/Palin ticket simply because she's a woman and there's something kind of, well, patronizing in that assumption...and as this astute Slate piece points out, it certainly plays on stereotypes people have about hysterical, irrational women.

How can we suss this out? Is there an actual demographic of Democratic female voters who'd vote for Palin simply out of misguided identity politics? Or is this the pundit class displaying a dismissive attitude towards the rationality of female voters?

And actually, what I really, really want to know, are PUMAs like these 1) real vs. some Rove-esque creation, 2) an actual voting bloc vs. media-hyped fringe?

--O.W.

MISS AK-47

Next in line? Sarah Barracuda

Happy birthday, Senator McCain! 72 years ago, you exited a birth canal and were born in the Panama Canal.

And now, you've picked Sarah Palin, a former beauty queen who is 28 years younger than you, to be at your side for the next 90 days.

I hope your wife, Cindy, a former model who is 18 years younger than you, doesn't get too jealous!

(After all, you did abandon and cheat on your first wife, Carol, a former beauty queen and swimwear model, to be with the younger woman.)

I trust your aspiring First Lady (who is really the Second Lady) is packing heat since Governor Palin is a lifetime member of the NRA and she doesn't play around!

After all, Gov. Palin is currently under investigation by the state of Alaska for firing a man who refused to fire the man who was in a custody dispute with her sister! Good times!

Anyway, happy birthday, Senator McCain! Your love for models and beauty queens is disturbing inspiring.

--Junichi

DNC CONVENTION: NIGHT 4

In the shadow of history

There has never been a greater speech in the history of political conventions in America.

Discuss.

---

O-Dub hijack!

(OW concept improved upon by R. Strew)

--Junichi

JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT

Just stare at this for a while. It's mesmerizing.

--O.W.

DNC CONVENTION: NIGHT 3

Lower the roof!

Most of today's headlines focus on how Bill Clinton offered Obama a strong push in his speech last night. Undoubtedly, the words were all supportive.

But while watching the speech, I never got the vibe that Bill Clinton has purged himself of the bitterness brooding since Hillary was denied the coronation. Bubba clearly loves Hillary, loves Joe Biden, and loves himself, but merely supports Obama because he's the best of the available choices.

Most of his speech could have been said about any other Democrat. For example, he said:

Barack Obama is ready to lead America and restore American leadership in the world. Ready to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. Barack Obama is ready to be President of the United States.

But if some sub-par Democrat like Sam Nunn were the nominee, Bill could have said:

Sam Nunn is ready to lead America and restore American leadership in the world. Ready to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. Sam Nunn is ready to be President of the United States.

Plus, what kind of an endorsement is it to say that somebody is "ready" to defend the Constitution? Larry Craig is probably "ready" to defend the Constitution. That doesn't mean he will do a great job of doing it.

I've heard rumors that Bill Clinton isn't going to be at Invesco Field to watch Obama accept the nomination. I hope it ain't true.

*

I really was impressed by Biden's speech. Beau Biden, that is.

Joe's son -- the current Delaware AG and future Iraqi war veteran -- did a better job of selling Joe Biden as VP than Joe Biden himself.

(Aside: am I the only one whose brain immediately hears "Bo Bice" when somebody starts to say "Beau Biden"? It's even more confusing since he looks like Steve Carell. Also, what kind of name is Beau? That's a bold move when a politician decides to go by a name that means boyfriend in French.)

Joe Biden wasn't bringing his A-game, although I still think he was a great choice for veep. I really can't wait until the VP debate when he takes on Pawlenty, Romney, or Lieberman. I imagine he'll have them looking like those shark-chewed bodies that just washed up the Florida coast.

*

I would never wish another hurricane upon New Orleans (or anywhere else).

But some reports say Hurricane Gustav might hit New Orleans soon, just in time for the Republican National Convention.

Oh my Lord, the irony.

--Junichi

DNC CONVENTION: NIGHT 2

Orange Pantsuit Alert!

I still am not a fan of Senator Clinton's delivery, but her speech was on-point, well-crafted, and a blow to the GOP, which was clearly hoping for a Democratic implosion this week.

During her speech, MSNBC kept panning to Bill, in the audience, who was clearly gushing with pride whenever Hillary spoke. This would have been a heart-warming image but for the fact that every time I saw him, I also thought about the spunk stain that he left on Monica Lewinsky's blue Gap dress.

Her best moment was when she was speaking directly to some of her supporters, who ignorantly have been threatening to vote for McCain instead of Obama:

I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me? Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him? Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids? Were you in it for that boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage? Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?

I hope the PUMAs were listening.

Not that it matters since these PUMAs are clearly Republican COINTELPRO-type covert operatives hired by Karl Rove to destroy the unity coalition that George Bush's legacy is destined to create.

After all, I cannot imagine that any intelligent feminist who supported Hillary would actually vote for McCain -- a man who wants to overturn Roe v. Wade -- over Obama, who holds nearly identical positions to Clinton.

*

Many DNC speakers have noted how Hillary is a trailblazer for women and how her campaign made history.

In contrast, it's curious and sad how few people have made any mention of how Obama is a trailblazer for both African Americans and people of color.

Clearly, there is an internal DNC memo to speakers that says, "Don't remind voters that Obama is black."

*

Best line of the night goes to NY Gov. Paterson, who said of McCain:

"If he's the answer, then the question must be ridiculous."

--Junichi

THE BLACK LIST

For those with HBO, try to catch one of the upcoming screenings of Timothy Greenfield-Sanders/Elvis Mitchell's The Black List, please do. It's very well-done and poignant without being ham-fisted. (Someone needs to do an Asian American equivalent, seriously).

Here's part of Chris Rock's segment. Wish the whole thing was available; Rock was predictably hilarious, brilliant and heartfelt.

--O.W.

DNC CONVENTION: NIGHT 1

Nailed it!

Given that Ted Kennedy might have been too sick to even make it to Denver, his speech was stirring and forceful, beyond my wildest expectations. I was prepared to be happy with just a wave. It was almost like watching the end of every cliche sports movie in which the athlete who everyone counted out shows up to score the winning point.

And yet, even after that, Michelle Obama totally stole the show.

I've been watching Democratic Convention speeches since 1984 and I don't remember being this moved since Jesse Jackson's speech in 1988. My wife and I were tearing up.

I suppose it was amazing enough to simply live to see a prospective African American first lady. And even more impressive that she was billed as the headliner of the first day of the convention.

But her speech was masterful in comparison to all political speeches by all politicians of all genders and races. It is one for the history books, in my opinion.

This is all in sharp contrast to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who, hours earlier, delivered a painful speech that made me want to stick my head in a food processor.

--Junichi

McCAIN MILKS THE POW COW

I am a prisoner of war. How dare you accuse me of anything?

I am grateful for the sacrifices that McCain made for this country and I believe his surviving his POW experience deserves our highest respect. And he should receive lifelong mental health benefits. And medals. And discounted movie tickets. And parades. And a discounted early bird special.

But McCain has now comically used his POW status as a crutch to deflect nearly all criticism. So much so that Trey Parker and Matt Stone have nothing left to parody.

For example, last weekend, McCain's spokeswoman responded to accusations that McCain was not in a "cone of silence" during the Saddleback forum by saying, "The insinuation from the Obama campaign that John McCain, a former prisoner of war, cheated is outrageous."

Tonight, Jay Leno just asked his guest, Sen. McCain: "For $1 million, how many houses do you have?"

McCain responded, "I spent five and a half years in a prison cell, without — I didn’t have a house, I didn’t have a kitchen table, I didn’t have a table, I didn’t have a chair. And I spent those five and a half years, because — not because I wanted to get a house when I got out."

When will this end? Is anybody buying this?

McCain is flaunting his POW status the same way that the South African minister was flaunting his diplomatic immunity in Lethal Weapon 2.

I am starting to worry that McCain believes that his Vietnam POW status entitles him to, for example, stab me in the eye with a flaming shank ... without consequence.

"The indictment from the D.A.'s office that John McCain, a former prisoner of war, committed homicide is outrageous."

--Junichi

OLYMPIX

I have no idea where these photos are aggregated from but despite a striking number of butt-shots (and really unnecessary number of beach volleyball cheerleader pictures) there's some astounding photos here.


(I like the ear-design headphones).








Speaking of the Olympics, random thoughts during the Closing Ceremonies:

London's mayor looked incredibly schlubby. It's the Olympics dude; would it have killed you to button your coat?

Not to be outdone though, the London "show" with Leona Lewis and Jimmy Page and a...a...tranforming bus with topiary unfathomably cornball. Sure, Zhang Yimou's ceremonies were like Cirque De Soleil on EPO but if this is any foreshadowing of London 2012, maybe it'd be enough to get the queen to come out, wave a bit, and call it a day.

China's answer: "I Love Beijing" was nearly just as bad. Wu bu ai that terrible theme song.

One can only hope this spells the end of PhelpsMistyMayWalsh-mania ...at least until 2012.

--O.W.

LET CALIFORNIA RING VIDEO

I'm absolutely in favor of protecting the rights of gay marriage in California but I can't say I find this video very compelling in order to get the message across. For one, the soft-focus and sepia-tone convey a tone that's less "civil rights" and more "personal hygiene". Second, the "barriers" presented to the bride-to-be seem largely comical rather than serious; it's not until the last frame or two that anything more somber sets in. Third, I'm not sure who the target demographic for this ad is meant to be but everything about the wedding bespeaks an upper middle class sensibility that may limit its ability to craft empathy. Fourth, the commercial suggests that it's random forces - a broken door knob, poorly parked cars, a clumsy aunt - who are standing in the way of people getting married. That's not the situation facing gay/lesbian couples - they have real people, real organized movements, real politicians, media figures, religious leaders, etc. standing in the way. It's not by accident; the opposition is deliberate, well-funded, and highly motivated.

That opposition has no qualms in playing dirty. So why is Let California Ring playing things so...tame?

--O.W.

THE PERFECT #2

*

It's hard to imagine McCain picking anybody like Obama, however, since McCain actually likes the idea of Dick Cheney as Vice President:

*

But no matter who McCain picks, nothing will be as unintentionally funny as this New York Times headline:

Talk of McCain’s No. 2 Concerns Conservatives

(Hat tip to J. Romero)

--Junichi

POLL: WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO BE CHOSEN AS OBAMA'S VP?

--Junichi

TWO CHINESE SEPTUAGENARIAN WOMEN SENTENCED TO RE-EDUCATION LABOR CAMPS FOR ASKING TO PROTEST

A Chinese Hoosegow

First three paragraphs from an article in today's NY Times:

Two elderly Chinese women have been sentenced to a year of “re-education through labor” after they repeatedly sought a permit to demonstrate in one of the official Olympic protest areas, according to family members and human rights advocates.

The women, Wu Dianyuan, 79, and Wang Xiuying, 77, had made five visits to the police this month in an effort to get permission to protest what they contended was inadequate compensation for the demolition of their homes in Beijing.

During their final visit on Monday, public security officials informed them that they had been given administrative sentences for “disturbing the public order,” according to Li Xuehui, Ms. Wu’s son.

Those two elderly women weren't even protesting; they were asking to protest. And now they'll be doing twelve months of physical labor, with no access to counsel, no right to a hearing, no right of habeas corpus, and no other form of due process.

That Gray Lady article further reveals that authorities have not approved any of the 77 protest applications it received, despite setting up official protest zones.

Those of you who said that Beijing's hosting of the Olympics would lead to the expansion of fundamental democratic rights in China -- at least during the Olympics -- can admit that you were wrong now.

--Junichi

57.4% SAY PRAYER CAN CURE A TERMINAL ILLNESS

According to a new survey, 57.4% of Americans believe that prayers to God can cure a family member from a terminal illness, even after doctors declare that treatment would be futile.

I find that number bewilderingly high.

I am not here to criticize religion, however. If somebody I love were told that no medical technology could save him or her from a fatal illness, I would probably pray to every deity every known, including Xenu, Poseidon, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

I am here, however, to submit that there must be a positive correlation -- indeed, a causal relationship -- between the high percentage of those who believe in the healing power of prayer and the fact that 47% of Americans do not have health insurance.

Why would one need health insurance if God can cure even terminal illnesses?

*

On a related note, after this past weekend's spiritual forum in Orange County, I now predict that McCain and Obama's religion/faith (which are very similar) is going to be a bigger political issue in the 2008 presidential election than their health insurance plans (which are very different), much to my dismay.

*

Now is as good a time as any to spotlight the Spiritual Science Research Foundation's (a real foundation!) guide to the efficacy of various types of prayer positions:

Keep in mind that the chart above must be accurate since the foundation has the word "Science" in its name.

--Junichi

PHELPS IS NOT THE GREATEST OLYMPIAN EVER

I got more medals than Snow White got dwarfs

Michael Phelps winning eight gold medals in a single Olympics? An amazing accomplishment.

But does Phelps deserve the title of "Greatest Olympian Ever" for winning the most gold medals in a single Olympics?

Not in my book.

From my amateur armchair vantage point, swimmers are the only category of athletes to realistically have a chance of winning eight medals in a single Olympics.

A quick scan of the official website suggests that it would be far more impressive for an athlete in any other sport to achieve eight gold medals -- especially since most sports don't even get eight different events. Even with Phelps dominating, swimmers still comprise the largest group of multiple medal winners thus far in the 2008 Olympics.

Male swimmers can compete in 17 different events. Sure, the skills involved vary, but they all consist of swimming. Thus, Michael Phelps can cherry-pick from 17 different options and select the eight he is most likely to win.

In contrast, male runners -- who seem to have the second highest number of choices -- only have nine events in which they can compete. (Track and field, or "Athletics," has about 23 events for men, but those events are split into javelin throw, pole vault, etc.)

Other examples: male gymnasts can pick from eight events. Female shooters can win, at most, seven. Tennis players can choose from two.

Plus, there's the fact that the physics of aquatics and the mechanics of the human body allow swimmers to jump from one event to the next in ways that weightlifters, boxers, wrestlers, pitchers, and handballers cannot.

Thus, is it really fair to say that Michael Phelps is a "greater" athlete than Rafael Nadal, Kobe Bryant, Katerina Emmons, Yang Wei, or to use historical examples -- Carl Lewis?

The comparison only seems valid if, for example, Rafa had the chance to compete in 17 different tennis events and chose his best eight. Surely, Nadal would take gold medals in five-set singles, three-set singles, ground strokes, clay courts, first serves, second serves, backhands, and the 10-meter topspin.

So call me a hater, but I think it's more appropriate to call Michael Phelps the greatest swimmer in the history of Olympic swimmers.

Given that gymnasts have far fewer events in which they can compete, I say it's more apropos to proclaim Larissa Latynina the greatest Olympian ever.

(I'm sure that other pundits are pointing out similar sentiments, but I'm too lazy to check. Also, I spent five minutes researching, so don't hold me accountable. Finally, I'm happy to concede that I am jealous of Michael Phelps' abs.)

--Junichi

GUESS WHO, BATMAN?

Lily politely asks that you not stay in touch

One of the few good things about wars and horrible leaders is that they usually invite terrific musical responses.

But somehow, George W. Bush, one of our country's most incompetent and ignorant presidents, has not inspired many good songs.

Songs like Bright Eyes' "When The President Talks to God," NIN's "Capital G," and Pink's "Dear Mr. President," for example, are well-intentioned, but rarely get repeated listens from me.

Before today, The Legendary K.O.'s "George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People" was the catchiest W-related tune, but the poor production led me to skip it most of the time.

Thankfully, today, I got a hold of a complete cut of Lily Allen's "Guess Who Batman." (Currently, the song is only available on her MySpace page and it cuts off midway through the song.)

I need to give it a few more spins, but so far, this song is catchy as hell and one of the better anti-Bush songs to see the day of light.

Lily claims the song is about nobody in particular, but the initials of "Guess Who Batman" -- GWB -- are only shared with one politician I know.

The lyric, "You want to be like your father / His approval, you're after," also leaves little doubt.

Have a listen and see how long it takes for the chorus to leave your head:

P.S. Justified or not, I'm going to add Lily Allen to the list of people who, like me, sees corollaries between GWB and the Dark Knight.

--Junichi

WHO IS EXCITED ABOUT JOHN MCCAIN?

Answer: Not these guys.

(Tip o' the hat to John Aravosis)

--Junichi

THE UGLY PEKING DUCKLING

The Chinese government declared one of these girls unattractive

Given the oodles of controversies involving the Chinese government, I shouldn't be riled up about lip synching.

But I can't help but comment on the audacity of Chinese officials to hire one extremely talented 7-year-old girl to sing "Ode to the Motherland" at the Olympic opening ceremonies -- behind a curtain -- while an allegedly cuter girl mouthed the words on stage.

Was China unable to find one girl in its pool of 1.4 billion people who was both attractive and euphonious? They should have used their mountains of yuan to import Simon Cowell and launch Chinese Idol.

Instead, China replaced Yang Peiyi (the girl above, on the left) with Lin Miaoke (the girl on the right) because Peiyi has a "chubby" face and "crooked" teeth. (See video clip below.) The persons responsible for the switch continue to defend the decision.

Could there be anything worse for a 7-year-old girl's self-esteem than for her government to declare that she is too ugly to be seen by foreigners? I know I'd be in therapy for decades.

I realize less attractive vocalists get replaced by more attractive lip synchers all the time. Natalie Wood mouthing Marni Nixon's vocals in West Side Story comes to mind.

But there's something more ominous about China's pulling a Milli Vanilli.

Lin Miaoke is now a symbol of the lengths that China will go to hide its dirty business. Her deceptive lip synching leads me to suspect that China's famed Bird's Nest was built upon the mass graves of political dissidents.

On a more positive note, this story is apparently burning up the Chinese blogosphere, which suggests that the government did not censor this news. (Unfortunately, their government is censoring this blog.)

*

I'm also agitated by the following quote from the BBC article about this story:

Miaoke's father has told reporters he thinks Peiyi is also cute.

"Yang Peiyi's looks are OK," Lin Hui reportedly said. "In my opinion, she's not ugly."

The first line of that passage is entirely inconsistent with the second!

Lin Hui does not even come close to suggesting that Peiyi is cute.

If somebody says, "you should date my friend Bertha - her looks are OK," that means that Bertha looks like a morbidly obese Wookie.

If somebody says, "you should go out with my roommate Garfield - he's not ugly," that means that he looks like a pus-filled wart on the sphincter of a decaying walrus.

*

Finally, for the record, I think Yang Peiyi is damn cute.

--Junichi

THIS WEEK IN POLICE & PORN NEWS

I need to inspect a copy of Sisterhood of the Unraveling Pants, please.

• What One Man Will Do To Get Free Smut: The man above entered a Colorado adult novelty shop and stated he was a detective in Longmont Police Department's "Age Verification Unit." He showed his badge and business card. He demanded the store provide him with videos so he could verify the ages of the actors and actresses. Unfortunately for him, the store clerk refused. It didn't help that his business card had no name on it and that the Longmont Police Department does not have an "Age Verification Unit." The actual police department is now on the lookout for the fake porn inspector who is in his mid-30s, has a long black ponytail, wears a leather brace on his left wrist, and drives a red Dodge Neon. (Does that not sound like the dreamiest personal ad, ladies?) Fake pediatric hernia inspectors, take note.

• Officer, Is That A Rotating Rabbit In Your Pocket? : In 2005, Houston police raided an adult novelty store and seized $80,000 worth of sex toys that were declared illegal. When the Fifth Circuit declared them legal again, the store tried to retrieve their inventory. Unfortunately, there were no fleshlights, blow-up sheep, or sparkle plugs to pick up, as all the merchandise has gone "missing" from the property room. Perhaps all would-be fake porn inspectors should just become actual cops.

• One Reason To Call 911: Emergency! Please send the police! My 8-year-old child won't stop watching porn!

--Junichi

WTF WERE THEY THINKING?

"Spain's eye catching faux pas".

And timely enough, here's the ever-great Jay Smooth schooling folks on how to deal with a situation as the above:




Also, I read this on a blog comment, had to laugh despite myself: "China will get the last laugh when the Spanish basketball team ingests the urine filled Coca-Cola."

--O.W.

BLAME IT ON THE HAIR

no "private taping" jokes please

Wait, wait, wait...let me get this right. You are contemplating running for the President of the United States (or at least, the Democratic nomination). You know you are about to be immersed in one of the most media saturated, tabloid hungry spectacles possible in modern politics. Oh, and your wife is dealing with cancer.

And in the midst of this, you, John Edwards, decide it's a good idea to start up an affair with your campaign videographer?

Provided, there have been many Presidents who've dallied but what kind of political incompetent would make a run for President, knowing the potential harm that such public knowledge could incur? I'm genuinely embarrassed for folks who backed Edwards in the nom race - talk about a horse pulling up lame! In all fairness though, when we ask about what kind of man conducts an affair with an ailing spouse at home, we already know.

Of course, maybe Edwards trusted the discretion of his partner and surely, there are many a public leader with such confidants. But of course, Edwards didn't count on the crack investigative team behind the National Enquirer. Who says journalism is dead?

Also: Edwards first mistake was the affair. He only compounded it by lying when confronted. He should have learned from Rick Ross' lessons.

Wild guess: we won't be seeing much of John at the convention.

--O.W.

PUTTING THE HOUND IN GREYHOUND

Cuz if you don't want me around, see, I go simple, I go easy, I go Greyhound

The picture above is of Greyhound's current advertising campaign: "There's A Reason You've Never Heard of 'Bus Rage.'"

The picture below is of Vince Weiguang Li, the Greyhound passenger who recently stabbed, beheaded, defiled, and then ate the flesh of the guy who was sitting next to him on the bus.

Sucks for Greyhound. Sucks for the victim and his family. Sucks for all the passengers who witnessed this horrifying act of cannibalism and murder.

But it also sucks for everyone else who would like to travel.

Thanks to rocketing gas prices, ridiculous airline fees ($7 for a pillow and blanket?), Amtrak's delays and derailments, the prohibitively expensive cost of Segways, and now bus rage, that only leaves you with the option of your bicycle that you left chained to the ...

... uhh, never mind.

Staycation, it is.

The only upshot of Mr. Li's derangement is that it will be easier for us Asian guys on Greyhound to ensure the seat next to us remains empty.

--Junichi