HOW TO TURN FAKE BOAR TUSKS AND A STUPID PRACTICAL JOKE INTO A MILLION DOLLARS

Where one oral surgeon gets his dental implants

This is a wild story about a prankster dentist who goofed on his pot-bellied pig-loving dental assistant and the eight years of litigation that followed.

Dr. Robert Woo, an oral surgeon in Olympia, Washington, agreed to replace two of his assistant's teeth with implants. However, while his assistant was sedated, Woo put fake boar tusks in her mouth, as a practical joke, before finishing the procedure. He took the tusks out before she woke up from the anesthesia.

The assistant, Tina Alberts, didn't know what happened. But photos of her with the boar tusks lodged in her mouth eventually made their way around the office. When she saw the photos, she flipped out, quit, and sued Woo up his wazoo.

(Note to self: Sue Woo up his wazoo would make a great tongue-twister.)

So who ultimately profited as a result of this practical joke gone bad? And who lost money?

The candidates:

A. Tina Alberts, the dental assistant
B. Dr. Woo, the practical joker
C. The patients of other dentists

The correct answer is after the jump ...


CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...



Winners: A and B. Losers: C.

Dr. Woo's insurance company, the Fireman's Fund, refused to defend the claim, so Woo settled with Alberts for $250,000. Woo then turned around and sued the insurer. A jury sided with Woo, ordering the insurer to pay $750,000 + the $250,000 settlement. The state court of appeals reversed. Finally, just yesterday, the Washington Supreme Court reinstated the jury award and also granted attorney's fees.

To recap, as a result of this prank in which no physical injuries resulted, Tina Alberts won $250,000.

Dr. Woo won $750,000.

And all the other dentists will soon pay more in premiums, which will eventually be passed on to all their patients.

Think this was a miscarriage of justice? If you read the opinion, the law was clearly not on the insurance company's side.

That said, it was hard to disagree with Justice Johnson's dissent, in which he stated that the "majority decision rewards Dr. Woo's obnoxious behavior and allows him to profit handsomely, receiving a total of $750,000, triple the damages paid to the real victim of his intentional offensive and likely tortious conduct."

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: ANDRE 3000

What is 3000 - 2995?

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Throwdown" by Andre 3000
from the album Class of 3000: Music Volume One

This track is from the soundtrack for Class of 3000, a new animated series on Cartoon Network, that seems to be the Fat Albert for the "Bill Cosby made cartoons?" Generation.

What do you think? It is bumping like fried bologna? Do you miss the good ol' days of Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik? Is throwing down really better than throwing up? Is it the "Hey Ya" of 2007?

Leave your comments below.

--Junichi

EVEN IF HE DON'T HIT #756 ...

... he will still be the greatest baseball player to have ever walked the Earth.

You haters can chew on my colon.

--Junichi

WE KNOW U-TUBE POSTINGS = LAZY BUT STILL...

Remember the "Peer Pressure" videos? Looks like we weren't the only ones watching and laughing.





(Credit: HHH)

--O.W.

ASIANS *CAN* DANCE

This first one has been making the, "oh my god, have you seen this?" Youtube rounds:



Yes...inmates at the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center performing..."Thriller." You have to admit...this is very face-melty but what makes it even more surreal is to realize that...it's not just "Thriller." Apparently, the inmates at CPDRC have been trained to perform any variety of video dance routines, including "I Will Follow Him" from...Sister Act(?!)

This raises some interesting questions about prisoner treatment though I suppose learning how to follow choreographed dance routines is a slight improvement above, say, waterboarding. I also wonder if Indian prison officials are looking at this footage and wondering why it didn't occur to them to try out Bollywood dance numbers on their inmates.

Somehow though? I don't see this going over at Pelican Bay or Lompoc. Call me crazy.

Now, this has 1499 fewer people in the mix but somehow, no less impressive:


(Warning: this comes from China's version of Youtube and can load slow...if at all)

It's Shanghai's MC Qiangqiang performing, move for move, the dance steps from MC Hammer's "You Can't Touch This." What's remarkable about this isn't just the whole "move for move" angle...it's hat Qiangqiang's mom is just chilling in the background...knitting through this whole routine.

And again - what's amazing is that this is but one of many dance routines that Qiangqiang kicks off. There's also Hammer's "Let's Get This Started," Michael Jackson's "I Want To Rock With You," and yes, "Thriller."

I think a word of explanation might be useful here: from what I learned from Dana Burton, arguably the first hip-hop historian of China (though Dana hails originally from the D), Hammer is one of the most influential rap acts in China simply because the only way in which hip-hop filtered to the county in pre-internet times was via bootleg CDs. There's no organized record distribution system in China for American music and so bootlegs were how various artists ended up getting exposure in China. Because Hammer - closely followed by Kriss Kross (yes, Kriss Kross) - were so big commercially, their albums were the most likely to make it to the Chinese bootleg market and thus, they became unwitting ambassadors for American hip-hop. This will no doubt leave American rap purists aghast but hey, that's the quirkiness of cultural capital in the transnational market. Just give it a few years...you'll have local Chinese kids doing the "Where's my Killa tape?" skit in no time...

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #112

Looking for a second life ... sentence?

This Week's Question:

The virtual world of Second Life (SL) is leading to real-life legal consequences from copyright infringement lawsuits to criminal investigations of virtual rape.

Assuming everyone participating in SL is 18 or older, should actual cops or courts ever get involved in incidents that solely occur in SL's virtual world?

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: SLAVIC SOUL PARTY

Always crammed onto small stages, every band member fantasizes going solo.

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Teknochek Collision" by Slavic Soul Party
from the album Teknochek Collision

Credit goes to DJ Matsu on KALX for busting out his lederhosen and introducing me to this funky new track from New York's Balkan brass sensation, Slavic Soul Party.

What do you think? Have you heard a better slide trombone or accordion solo this year? Is it the "Hey Ya" of 2007?

Leave your comments below.

--Junichi

LESSONS LEARNED

Do not light a match anywhere near this restaurant.

Twelve lessons I learned in the last month:

1. Before stealing a $320,000 Porsche from the dealership and driving it through the glass doors of the showroom, make sure the vehicle has enough gas in the tank to drive more than one mile.


2. If you fail to adhere to lesson #1 above, you can always fill a canister of gas, find the impounded Porsche at the police station, and steal the same vehicle for a second time.


3. You can not use the fact that a grocery store is having an awesome sale as an excuse for leaving your baby in a hot car or a defense to felony child neglect.


4. You cannot pay your parking ticket with dog feces.


5. If you want real Chinese food, you should go to China, because you're not getting it here in America.


6. If you are a man convicted for sexual assaulting a 13-year-old girl, you can be spared a prison sentence based on your height, assuming you are only 5'1" tall.


7. Do not shove a man on a plane or the FBI will be involved -- even if the man you shove is Clay Aiken and he was putting his feet on your armrest.


8. Do not get your hopes up about naming your child "4real" because the government may prevent you from doing so.


9. In Italy, you should follow popular custom by giving a female high school graduate a breast enlargement as a gift.


10. Speaking of plastic, don't complain to the police when a store clerk seizes your credit cards when your cards are counterfeit.


11. If you don't want to be one of the many women making less than men, don't choose the wrong college major.


12. When a sarcastic voiceover is dubbed over a product demonstration video for the Wii Fit, it can make the original product look pretty stupid.

--Junichi

INTRODUCING CHASING CHAN

What...another blog?

Yeah, I know, I know. I'm sure I have more pressing things to attend to. Nonetheless, I felt compelled to create a blog dedicated to Asian American cinema: Chasing Chan.

Even though most folks know of my music writing and scholarship, I've actually spent years in the Asian American cinema world too and wanted to create a side project based on it. I launch with a new interview with filmmaker Justin Lin that appears in this year's Cinevue program by Asian Cinevision.

--O.W.

INTEGRATION UNWELCOME

"how do tacos help gumbo"?
Two news articles I saw the other day that I thought were worth considering.

First of all, the NY Times reports on how socio-economic diversity in schools can lead to greater racial segregation. In other words, while such post-affirmative action school admission policies can create greater class diversity in certain schools, it does not always lead to greater racial diversity. They cite the case of San Francisco's Abraham H.S. which, despite a notable range of kids from different class backgrounds, is still over 50% Chinese American:

"San Francisco began considering factors like family income, instead of race, in school assignments when it modified a court-ordered desegregation plan in response to a lawsuit. But school officials have found that the 55,000-student city school district, with Chinese the dominant ethnic group followed by Hispanics, blacks and whites, is resegregrating."

A few key issues/questions raised here are:

1) Even if socioeconomic diversity doesn't result in greater racial/ethnic diversity, is it merely a red herring or is it actually a goal worth achieving? My sense is that when we typically talk about "diversity," it's usually meant in terms of race but there's less open discussion about the importance of class diversity, especially as a social benefit.

2) Along the same lines though: if class diversity is seen as part of the public good, then wouldn't that same logic also then apply to trying to push for greater racial diversity? How can one advocate for one and not accept the importance of the other?

2) In the wake of the recent Supreme Court decisions, what kind of feasible public policy could exist that would encourage both class and racial diversity? Does the political will exist to enact such policies? And if not, what will America look like in the next few decades?

The other interesting story appeared in the LA Times and it's about how taco trucks are being targeted for removal by officials in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans. Apparently, the trucks represent a cultural (read: racial as well) element that is unwanted in the area.

"To advocates of reclaiming the old ways, new establishments that do not build upon the city's reputation, and may not even be permanent, represent a barrier to progress. As New Orleans City Council President Oliver Thomas recently put it in an interview with the Times-Picayune, "How do the tacos help gumbo?"

The legislation being enacted in Jefferson Parish is especially nefarious in how it cloaks what is an obviously focused attack on a specific industry without having to name that industry. It's very reminiscent of street laws in San Francisco in the 1800s designed to harass Chinese businesses - and only Chinese businesses - without ever having to state what was obvious to everyone else. At the very least, it's a rather unhanded and cowardly way to practice discrimination. (Notably, the city of New Orleans has yet to enact this kind of legislation and Mayor Ray Nagin has indicated that he has no interest in pursuing Jefferson Parish's lead.)

One can agree with the larger issue here - the preservation of culture - but banning taco trucks seems like a remarkably backward way to go about it, especially since people's culinary tastes are extremely hard to dictate. As the article notes, it's not just newly arrived Latinos who frequent these trucks: it's native Southerners too.

Of course, for a piece on culture clash, there are a few lighter moments:

"So far, the revolution looks one-sided: Latino laborers don't seem to care for shrimp Creole, oyster po' boy sandwiches — or even hamburgers, as long as there is Mexican food around.

"Crawfish? The little lobsters? I tried it, but to be honest it did not suit me," Abel Lara, 33, said as he stopped at a taco truck during a quick break from his job laying floors at a medical center. "I don't understand why it's so popular."

(Of course, one could say the same about cabeza but let's not take it there).

--O.W.

TAKING ON THE TREND OF SAVING AFRICA?

Gisele is Africa's richest supermodel

From my perspective, there is something simultaneously wonderful and unsettling about the U.S. and European star-studded campaign to "save" Africa.

On the one hand, I am grateful for anything that reverses the trend of Africa being ignored.

I'd much rather see celebrities spend their time and money to help combating malaria or ending genocide, as opposed to promoting their latest projects, or worse, shilling corporate products.

Plus, awareness campaigns are, at the very least, informative. Since I sadly admit to being one of millions of Americans with near-total ignorance of the African continent, I learned quite a few things from Vanity Fair's latest Africa issue, guest-edited by Bono.

On the other hand, I am uncomfortable with much of the language used in the various "Save Africa" campaigns. I know just enough about the diversity of Africa to understand that "Save Africa" sounds as silly as "Save Asia."

Plus, the word "save" conjures up images of everything from Crusaders to colonizers to missionaries. Given that we save the environment, save stranded animals, and save Jericho, it's unsettling to hear anybody talk of saving actual human beings who are not begging to be saved.

On Sunday, a compelling op-ed by Uzodinma Iweala, author of Beasts of No Nation, appeared in the Washington Post. His work spoke to the part of me that cringes when self-congratulatory celebrities embrace Africa-related charity like hot trends of the moment, replacing Kabbalah and Ugg boots.

He also persuasively argues that images of a disease-ridden, poverty-stricken Africa has the effect of promoting cultural superiority in the West.

And yet, I also cringed because Iweala's essay will make celebrities, politicians, and philanthropists feel less comfortable about participating in any humanitarian campaign involving Africa.

I've attached his op-ed below. How do Iweala's words hit you?

Stop Trying To 'Save' Africa

By Uzodinma Iweala
Sunday, July 15, 2007

Last fall, shortly after I returned from Nigeria, I was accosted by a perky blond college student whose blue eyes seemed to match the "African" beads around her wrists.

"Save Darfur!" she shouted from behind a table covered with pamphlets urging students to TAKE ACTION NOW! STOP GENOCIDE IN DARFUR!

My aversion to college kids jumping onto fashionable social causes nearly caused me to walk on, but her next shout stopped me.

"Don't you want to help us save Africa?" she yelled.

It seems that these days, wracked by guilt at the humanitarian crisis it has created in the Middle East, the West has turned to Africa for redemption. Idealistic college students, celebrities such as Bob Geldof and politicians such as Tony Blair have all made bringing light to the dark continent their mission. They fly in for internships and fact-finding missions or to pick out children to adopt in much the same way my friends and I in New York take the subway to the pound to adopt stray dogs.

This is the West's new image of itself: a sexy, politically active generation whose preferred means of spreading the word are magazine spreads with celebrities pictured in the foreground, forlorn Africans in the back. Never mind that the stars sent to bring succor to the natives often are, willingly, as emaciated as those they want to help.


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Perhaps most interesting is the language used to describe the Africa being saved. For example, the Keep a Child Alive/" I am African" ad campaign features portraits of primarily white, Western celebrities with painted "tribal markings" on their faces above "I AM AFRICAN" in bold letters. Below, smaller print says, "help us stop the dying."

Such campaigns, however well intentioned, promote the stereotype of Africa as a black hole of disease and death. News reports constantly focus on the continent's corrupt leaders, warlords, "tribal" conflicts, child laborers, and women disfigured by abuse and genital mutilation. These descriptions run under headlines like "Can Bono Save Africa?" or "Will Brangelina Save Africa?" The relationship between the West and Africa is no longer based on openly racist beliefs, but such articles are reminiscent of reports from the heyday of European colonialism, when missionaries were sent to Africa to introduce us to education, Jesus Christ and "civilization."

There is no African, myself included, who does not appreciate the help of the wider world, but we do question whether aid is genuine or given in the spirit of affirming one's cultural superiority. My mood is dampened every time I attend a benefit whose host runs through a litany of African disasters before presenting a (usually) wealthy, white person, who often proceeds to list the things he or she has done for the poor, starving Africans. Every time a well-meaning college student speaks of villagers dancing because they were so grateful for her help, I cringe. Every time a Hollywood director shoots a film about Africa that features a Western protagonist, I shake my head -- because Africans, real people though we may be, are used as props in the West's fantasy of itself. And not only do such depictions tend to ignore the West's prominent role in creating many of the unfortunate situations on the continent, they also ignore the incredible work Africans have done and continue to do to fix those problems.

Why do the media frequently refer to African countries as having been "granted independence from their colonial masters," as opposed to having fought and shed blood for their freedom? Why do Angelina Jolie and Bono receive overwhelming attention for their work in Africa while Nwankwo Kanu or Dikembe Mutombo, Africans both, are hardly ever mentioned? How is it that a former mid-level U.S. diplomat receives more attention for his cowboy antics in Sudan than do the numerous African Union countries that have sent food and troops and spent countless hours trying to negotiate a settlement among all parties in that crisis?

Two years ago I worked in a camp for internally displaced people in Nigeria, survivors of an uprising that killed about 1,000 people and displaced 200,000. True to form, the Western media reported on the violence but not on the humanitarian work the state and local governments -- without much international help -- did for the survivors. Social workers spent their time and in many cases their own salaries to care for their compatriots. These are the people saving Africa, and others like them across the continent get no credit for their work.

Last month the Group of Eight industrialized nations and a host of celebrities met in Germany to discuss, among other things, how to save Africa. Before the next such summit, I hope people will realize Africa doesn't want to be saved. Africa wants the world to acknowledge that through fair partnerships with other members of the global community, we ourselves are capable of unprecedented growth.

Uzodinma Iweala is the author of "Beasts of No Nation," a novel about child soldiers.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #111

Swedish Chef demands you recognize the need for cooks

This Week's Question:

According to CNN and JobBuilder, these are the top 12 occupations that will always be around:

1. Doctor
2. Teacher
3. Mortician
4. Waste Disposal Manager
5. Scientist
6. Tax Collector
7. Barber
8. Soldier
9. Religious Leader
10. Law Enforcement Officer
11. Farmer
12. Construction Worker

What other indestructible occupations are missing? Are there other jobs that you consider to be more badly needed?

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: 50 CENT FEAT. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

50 is frustrated that you neither consider his metaphors fresh nor clever.

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"She Wants It" by 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake
from 50's forthcoming album, Curtis

Here's a new song with lyrics like "smokes got the club all hazy" and "working the pole," which strongly suggests that this is a tribute to firemen. Will this jam finally get enough airplay to convince the record company to release Curtis? Do you wish more songs sampled 1980's videogame consoles? How do you feel about 50 Cent's collaboration with the Timbaland/Timberlake powerhouse? Should 50 also duet with other members of *NSync?

Leave your comments below.

--Junichi

HYPOCRISY ON ITS KNEES

The George Michael of Florida politics?

Normally, I don't care about politicians' sex lives.

I do care about hypocrisy, however, especially when a politician's private life is in direct conflict with the morals and laws that he advocates forcing on others.

But at this point, there are so many anti-gay politicians being outed, so many anti-prostitution flesh pressers being caught for solicitation, and so many pro-marriage politicos being exposed for adultery, that it's rarely worth mentioning.

Do we really need Larry Flynt to remind us that "Republican family values" is an oxymoron?

That said, there is something noteworthy about the latest sex scandal starring Florida Republican state representative Bob Allen (pictured above).

Allen was arrested yesterday for allegedly offering to pay $20 to give oral sex to an undercover male cop in a public restroom.

Not surprisingly, this is the same man who authored a failed "Lewd Or Lascivious Exhibition Act" and has advocated for mandatory life sentences without the possibility of parole for sexual predators.

Again, the legislator's hypocrisy is barely worth mentioning, even if the alleged act took place in a town called Titusville.

What is worth noting, however, is that when you go to Rep. Allen's official website, it says this his sole recreational interest is "water sports."

I'm guessing Rep. Allen has never worn a wetsuit.

--Junichi

READ A BOOK, READ A M@^#$%*)@&!N' BOOK!

Video NSFW

I just can't decide whether this is an authentic Public Service Announcement, a spoof of a PSA, or just a clever music video.

Where can I get me one of them uzis that use books for cartridges?

Hattip: The Assimilated Negro

--Junichi

TOP 10 SONGS I CAN'T LISTEN TO IN MY CAR BECAUSE THE SIREN OR ALARM SOUNDS TRICK ME INTO THINKING A COP IS PULLING ME OVER

Woop! Woop! That's not the sound of da police!

We've all experienced it ...


You're behind the wheel. The stereo is on full blast.

Suddenly, you hear the sound of police sirens.

You realize you were going 95 mph in a school zone.

You panic. You check your mirrors to find the red and blue lights. You soil your pants.

You slow down, change lanes, and prepare to pull over.

You get out the video camera you bought after the Rodney King incident.

You worry about the five-0's finding the bodies in the trunk.

You ponder making a run for it. You throw the brick of cocaine out your window.

Finally, you realize that the alarm noises, yet again, are just part of the tune to which you were listening.

You laugh to yourself and make a note to compile a list of songs to never listen to in your car again.



This is that list.


TOP 10 SONGS I CAN'T LISTEN TO IN MY CAR BECAUSE THE SIREN OR ALARM NOISES TRICK ME INTO THINKING A COP IS PULLING ME OVER

1. "One Mic" - Nas
2. "Leave" - R.E.M.
3. "Sirens" - Dizzee Rascal
4. "Shake A Lil' Something" - 2 Live Crew
5. "Shooter" - Robin Thicke feat. Lil Wayne
6. "I'm Bad" - LL Cool J
7. "Believe" - Chemical Brothers
8. "Police State" - Dead Prez
9. "Now That You Got It" - Gwen Stefani
10. "Ring The Alarm" - Beyonce

I know there are many more. Shucks, I didn't even mention PE's "Lost at Birth."

As a public service to others, feel free to add to the list.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #110

Harry and Draco finally release the tension between them

This Week's Question:

How should the final Harry Potter book end?

--Junichi

THE MIZAAAAAAANNNGSSSS

Any resemblance to any of the Poplicks' creators and his family is purely, cartoonishly, coincidental.

Create your own.

--O.W.

POPLICKS.COM INTRODUCES...POPCASTING!

Yup, Junichi and I decided to collaborate on putting together a Poplicks Podcast. Topics included in this inaugural episode:

Oliver talks to Junichi about the recent Supreme Court decisions and whether or not they spell doom for our fragile democracy...

...and Junichi hits Oliver with a hip-hop pop quiz (you can play along at home!)

Download now! Enjoy on your morning commute! Or use as a sleep aid!

--O.W.

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: PHAROAHE MONCH

Simon says, "Shut the f up!"

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Body Baby" by Pharoahe Monch
from his album, Desire

What do you think of the Bed Stuy Hustler's latest? Is impersonating Elvis the new sampling Daft Punk? Is this single the "Hey Ya" of 2007?

You can also watch the video, featuring martial arts moves in front of urinals, here.

Leave your comments below.

--Junichi

THE iPHONE IS SO FIVE MINUTES AGO

I don't care how much cell phones evolve.

Apple's iPhone, or the new Banana phone, or your fancy Blackberry -- those fruit-themed phones ain't got nothin' on my meaty Centel cellular phone.

(See awesome Centel commercial below.)

Sure, you can use your new gadget to read the Interwebs and listen to the new Pharoahe Monch album.

But will you achieve bulging biceps from curling it? Can you drop it on a burglar and induce an instant concussion? Can your place it behind your tire to prevent your parked car from going down the hill?

Didn't think so.

Plus, I didn't stand in line for four days like some college kid at the financial aid office to get my hands on one, I don't have to use AT&T's primitive network, and I don't have to send it back to the manufacturer at my expense when the battery dies after 400 charges.

When my Centel's juice fades, I just pop in 12 new D batteries, and I'm good to go.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #109

Dog days of summer

This Week's Question:

One of my neighbors down the street walks her dog every morning. She regularly allows her dog to defecate in my front yard and doesn't pick up after it.

Should I return the favor and poop on her lawn?

--Junichi

¡ʇı ,uıddı1ɟ

.1ǝʌǝ1 ʇxǝu sı sıɥʇ

.buıʎouuɐ ʎ11ɐǝɹ sɐʍ sıɥʇ ǝʞı1 buıdʎʇ ʇɥbnoɥʇ noʎ puɐ

Confused as to wtf is going on? Peep. 1ɯʇɥ.dı1ɟ/ɯoɔ.pɐɟʌǝɹ.ʍʍʍ//:dʇʇɥ

(Spotted at: ʇnɹʇs1nos)

--O.W.