Friday, December 28, 2007

BEST AND WORST OF 2007


Worst Ad of 2007


In addition to the Best Quotes of 2007, here below are some of the ways that I will remember 2007:


Most Blatant Miscarriage of Justice:

Blogger Josh Wolf served 226 days in a California prison for refusing to turn over his videotape of a protest at the G8 Summit ...

... while Scooter Libby served not a day in jail for lying and obstructing a CIA leak investigation involving major breaches of national security.

*

Most Ridiculous Song Lyric
:

And I'm going to miss you, like a child misses that blanket!
-from Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry"

*

Best Reason Not To Move to Alabama:

Penalty for selling a gun to a minor: maximum fine of $500

Penalty for selling a vibrator: $10,000 fine + up to one year in jail for first-time offender

*

Best Season Finale:

Vivica A. Fox shutting the door on Susie Essman.



*

Best Writing about Harry Potter Not Penned by J. K. Rowling:

Unauthorized Chinese translations of Harry Potter books

*

Most Wonderful Thing About Owning an iPhone:

Having only one device to listen to music, read the interwebs, and ignore your voicemails.

*

Least Wonderful Things About Owning an iPhone:

Not being able to cut and paste text. Or play games. Or record tasks. Or sync with Outlook notes. And having to switch to AT&T.

*

Lamest Boy Scout Merit Badge:

Respecting Copyrights

*

Biggest Sign That Mike Huckabee Could Be Worse Than George W. Bush:

In response to the assassination of Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan, Gov. Huckabee argued for building a fence between the U.S. and Mexico to keep illegal Pakistanis from coming into the country.

*

No, Actually, This is the Biggest Sign That Mike Huckabee Could Be Worse Than George W. Bush:

He still stands by his statement in 1992 that those with AIDS should be quarantined and isolated from the general public.

*

Best Story That One Man Lived to Tell:

Ben Carpenter's electric wheelchair got accidentally jammed into the grill of a semi and ended up going down a highway for several miles at 50 mph before police finally alerted the truck driver about his extra passenger.



*

Most Random Subject To Write About (and Get Paid for):



How one of the Dixie Chicks popped one of my zits.

(Runner-up: Urinating next to Smokey Robinson)

*

Best Sign That The Conflict in the Middle East Goes Far Beyond Muslims and Jews:

A few days after Christmas, Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests came to blows in the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem (where Jesus was allegedly born) and started a major broom fight while cleaning the church. Palestinian police were called in to separate the warring factions.

*

Weakest Hip Hop Battle:

Kanye West vs. 50 Cent

*

Best Hip Hop Battle:

Rapper Travell Price shot by a feuding MC outside a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant


*

Best Comment on Poplicks:

"maybe after his wife leaves him he can broaden his horizons and branch out a bit!"
- sean (in response to the post about the man with tree-like growths on his skin)

*

Worst Way To Avoid Being Attacked While Walking The Streets:

A cloth vending machine disguise




*

Most Revealing Song for OJ Simpson to be Caught Whistling After Allegedly Committing Armed Robbery:

"If I Only Had A Brain"


*

Best Nickname for David Petraeus:

'The Surgin' General'
(beating out 'General Betray Us')

*

Best Reason Not To Play Slots:

Urine-soaked seats

*

Best Attempt to Make Flautists Look Cool:

Greg Patillo



Labels: lists

--Junichi

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

HAPPY B-DAY JUNICHI


a birthday? who, me?


A big b-day shoutout to Junichi. I forget how old he's turning in chronological years but inside, he'll be forever...you know...12 or something.

Cheers!

;)
--O.W.

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

BEST SONGS OF 2007




Once again, I've humbly assembled my list of what I consider to be the Top 100 singles of the year.

As one might have predicted twenty years ago, this year's #1 song is an R&B slow jam by the son of the star of Growing Pains. (For you purists, I realize that both #1 and #2 were technically released in 2006, but you're just going to have to deal.)

This is one of the most bizarre and unpredictable year-end song lists ever. My list includes "The Way I Are" and the grammatically preferable "The Way I Am." It also hosts both J-Ro and J. Lo, two songs about hospitals, two "chemical" artists, at least two French artists, two instrumental songs, and one totally a cappella track. Plus, the song with vocals in the highest pitch range is sung by a man, Christophe Willem. And what 2007 list would be complete without appearances by Paul Simon and Robert Plant?

Without further delay, herein lies my list of the top songs of the year.

  1. Lost Without U - Robin Thicke
  2. Naive - The Kooks
  3. Roc Boys (And The Winner Is.....) - Jay-Z feat. Kanye West
  4. Keep The Car Running - Arcade Fire
  5. Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
  6. Good Life - Kanye West feat. T-Pain
  7. Discover Tokyo - Shuta Hasunuma
  8. Cinderella Under The Umbrella - Rihanna feat. Jay-Z and Chris Brown
  9. Talking Old Soldiers - Bettye LaVette
  10. The Way I Are - Timbaland Feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E.
  11. Sober - Kelly Clarkson
  12. Innocence - Björk
  13. Tenderoni (Radio Edit) - Chromeo
  14. Like This - Kelly Rowland
  15. D.A.N.C.E. (Benny Blanco Mix) - Justice Featuring Mos Def and Spank Rock
  16. They Call Me Mr. Tibbs Main Title (King Britt vocal reinterpretation featuring Mr. Lif) - Czech Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra
  17. Love Stoned/I Think She Knows (Justice Remix) - Justin Timberlake
  18. Wait For You - Elliott Yamin
  19. House Of Cards - Radiohead
  20. Take Me Home - Brother Ali
  21. The Game - Common
  22. The Midnight Choir - The Thrills
  23. Gimme More - Britney Spears
  24. Because Of You - Ne-Yo
  25. Easy Silence - Dan Wilson
  26. Gotta Work - Amerie
  27. Great Divide - Hanson
  28. Apologize - OneRepublic
  29. Kanske Ar Jag Kar i Dig - Jens Lekman
  30. Archangel - Burial
  31. Rehab (Desert Eagle Remix) - Amy Winehouse
  32. Hard Sun - Eddie Vedder
  33. Release - Timbaland Feat. Justin Timberlake
  34. Sucka Mofo - Northern State
  35. Inversion - Mark Ronson
  36. Long And Whining Road - Public Enemy
  37. Me And My Imagination - Sophie Ellis Bextor
  38. Late In The Evening - Spanish Harlem Orchestra
  39. Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard & Marketa Iglóva
  40. Stronger - Kanye West
  41. Happy Ending - Mika
  42. Ayo Technology - 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake
  43. Stick With Me Baby - Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
  44. 1 2 3 4 - Feist
  45. Someone Great - LCD Soundsystem
  46. Oh Timbaland - Timbaland
  47. Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors - Editors
  48. Hip Hop Police - Chamillionaire feat. Slick Rick
  49. Ain't No Time - Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
  50. The Pretender - Foo Fighters
  51. The Story - Brandi Carlile
  52. Sirens - Dizzee Rascal
  53. Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
  54. Hot Thing (Remix) - Talib Kweli feat. Jean Grae, Ne-Yo, and Luther Vandross
  55. Feel It (In The Air Tonight) - Naturally 7
  56. Lip Gloss - Lil Mama
  57. Famous In A Small Town - Miranda Lambert
  58. Hate That I Love You - Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo
  59. No One - Alicia Keys
  60. Ice Box - Omarion
  61. Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You) - UGK feat. Outkast
  62. Champion - Kanye West
  63. Rec-Room Therapy - Ghostface Killah feat. Raekwon & U-God
  64. I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I`m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) - Fall Out Boy
  65. Tambourine (Remix) - Eve feat. Missy Elliott, Fabolous and Swizz Beatz
  66. Paper Planes - M.I.A.
  67. It Don't Make Any Difference To Me (Acoustic) - Kevin Michael feat. Akil Dasan
  68. Heart Made Of Sound - SoftLightes
  69. I Tried - Bone Thugs 'N' Harmony feat. Akon
  70. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
  71. Bull In the Heather - The Go! Team
  72. Conquest - The White Stripes
  73. How Lucky We Are - Meiko
  74. Four Winds - Bright Eyes
  75. I Got It From My Mama - Wil.I.Am.
  76. Gotta Say It - Smif N Wessun
  77. Until The End Of Time (Remix) - Justin Timberlake feat. Beyonce
  78. Put It Down - Redman feat. DJ Kool
  79. Teknochek Collision - Slavic Soul Party
  80. Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
  81. Come Around - M.I.A. feat. Timbaland
  82. The Anthem - Pitbull feat. Lil' Jon
  83. Bed - J. Holiday
  84. Our Life is Not a Movie or Maybe - Okkervil River
  85. Sex Planet - R. Kelly
  86. Double Je - Christophe Willem
  87. You Call That Love - J-Ro feat. Chords
  88. Down The Line - Jose Gonzalez
  89. Boy With A Coin - Iron & Wine
  90. Shirk - Meshell Ndegeocello
  91. Imitosis - Andrew Bird
  92. Take Me To The Ballroom - Moonbabies
  93. Teenagers - My Chemical Romance
  94. Do It Well - Jennifer Lopez feat. Ludacris
  95. Do It Again (Ali Love) - The Chemical Brothers
  96. Going To A Town - Rufus Wainwright
  97. Whine Up - Kat DeLuna feat. Elephant Man
  98. Watch My Feet - Dude 'N Nem
  99. Nessun Dorma - Paul Potts
  100. F#@% Me - Wendy Ho
As an added bonus, I've uploaded all 100 Mp3s to imeem for your listening pleasure:




P.S. I am leaving the country tomorrow and will be mostly off-line until Kwanzaa. While I'm away, feel free to tear up my song choices, even though I won't be around to defend it and convince you that it's the perfect list.

Labels: 2007, lists, music

--Junichi

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

BEST QUOTES OF 2007



Again, in keeping with my on-going losing battle with OCD, I wrote down all the outrageous, inspiring, offensive, enraging, insipid, bewildering, or hilarious statements made in 2007. Enjoy. -JPS


"Yeah, they got the eyes like they're Oriental, and, you know, it's all pulled. So make sure you do it right."
- Pat Robertson, noting that people like Fox News host Greta Van Susteren who get plastic surgery have strange-looking eyes


"Welcome to Scotland"
- Scotland's new slogan, which is what an ad agency came up with for a new "exciting" slogan after spending six months on the initiative and getting paid 125,000 pounds -- about $258,750 -- by the Scottish government


"Since when did I become the spokesperson for nappy-headed hos?"
- Wanda Sykes, on being contacted by every media outlet for her views on Don Imus. She also added, I "thought Imus died, like, nine years ago. ... [He has] one of those faces that belongs in the obituaries."


"I need to get a greater vocabulary than what I have and when I get mad and my brain searches for a word. I have to find different words and to do that you need to have more of an education."
- Duane (Dog) Chapman, on Hannity & Colmes


"Oh, it's not really a team. It's just a bunch of guys who like doing gymnastics!"
- Kenneth, after being asked by Will Arnett's character what team he plays for, on 30 Rock


"I couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it’s run by blacks, primarily black patronship. ... There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.'"
- Bill O'Reilly


"During the Democratic debate Tuesday night, Senator Joe Biden criticized Republican candidate Rudy Giuliani, saying, 'There's only three things he mentions in a sentence -- a noun, a verb, and 9/11.' Giuliani later responded, saying, 'Joe Biden sucks 9/11.'"
-Seth Meyers, Weekend Update


"Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don't want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her."
-Bill Maher


Actual Spirit Airlines Ad

"Not at all ... The most obscene thing we've noticed is what other carriers have charged to fly the Caribbean before Spirit's $9 fares."
- Juan Arbelaez, director of communications for Spirit Airline's Latin American market, when asked whether it was aware that their MILF ("Many Islands, Low Fares") marketing campaign had other implications


"Talk to you later, Buckwheat."
- Democratic Rep. Carla Blanchard Dartez, ending a conversation with Hazel Boykin, a black civil-rights veteran who had helped her campaign


"I will love you through your maggots."
- Midge Dallas, to her husband, behind whose bleeding head was an infestation of tiny bot fly larvae, after a trip to Belize


"As a child in the Deep South, I’d grown up fearing the lynch mobs of the Ku Klux Klan; as an adult, I was starting to wonder if I’d been afraid of the wrong white people all along. ... My worst fears had come to pass not in Georgia, but in Washington, D.C., where I was being pursued not by bigots in white robes but by left-wing zealots draped in flowing sanctimony."
- Justice Clarence Thomas, in his memoir, My Grandfather’s Son


"On the downside, Jefferson faces 235 years in prison. On the upside, now we know what it takes for the federal government to pay some attention to a black man from New Orleans."
-Jon Stewart, on the indictment of Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA)


"Go, Raiders."
- Robert Comer's last words before being executed in Arizona


"My idea of getting lucky in the men's room is when the motion sensor works on the faucet."
- David Letterman on Late Show with David Letterman


"I wish the Iranian people well, and only hope their experience with an inept, rigid ideologue president goes better than ours."
- Oliver Stone, after being refused from filming a documentary about Ahmadinejad in Iran


"In Iran, we don't have homosexuals, like in your country."
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, at Columbia University


"We are what is wrong, and we must make it right."
- Al Gore, accepting the Nobel Peace Prize


"Yeah, well maybe next time, you will estimate me."
- Michael, to Jan, who said she underestimated him, on The Office


"Denzel Washington is part of every black family's household. Your mother loves him, your grandmother loves him -- he's the only man that your girlfriend can say, 'Oh, Denzel is fine,' and you won't say nothin' about it."
- RZA, on working with Denzel on American Gangster


"For someone who went to parochial schools all his life this is a very frightening thing that is happening right now."
— Rudy Giuliani, after lightning hit the building while he was discussing his views on abortion during a debate between the GOP presidential candidates.




"'You know, when your dad and I were first together we used to video tape everything. Everybody’s naked, hugging, kissing, all that good stuff and someone stole the tape.' And I remember when we were watching the film [Borat] and [her son] Dylan goes: 'You mean everybody has seen this?' And I said, 'Yes.'"
- Pamela Anderson, on what she told her kids before they watched the film Borat


"I'm more of a man than any liberal."
- Ann Coulter


"Pot. It mightn't kill you, but it could turn you into a dickhead."
- The tag line in an Australian government ad to discourage teenage use of marijuana


"A headline last Sunday about a Muslim man and an Orthodox Jewish woman who are partners in two Dunkin’ Donuts stores described their religions incorrectly. The two faiths worship the same God — not different ones."
- New York Times correction


"During this trial, I've had to sit there and listen to rie after rie."
- Stephen Sakai, a Brooklyn bouncer on trial for triple homicide, speaking in a comically fake Asian accent


"Robert Adler, the co-inventor of the TV remote, died this week at the age of 93. In accordance with his wishes, he will be buried between two enormous sofa cushions."
- Amy Poehler, on SNL's Weekend Update


"It's ready for a retarded president, why wouldn't it be ready for an African American president?"
- Chris Rock, upon being asked whether this country is ready for an African American president


"I fear that radical Muslims ... would love to see 'In God We Trust' stricken from our money and replaced with 'In Muhammad We Trust.'"
- Rep. Virgil Goode (R-Virginia), on the house floor


"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE ISLAND IS?"
-Lost writer/producer Carlton Cuse's picket sign


"The American people believe English should be the official language of the government. ... We should replace bilingual education with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and they learn the language of prosperity, not the language of living in a ghetto."
- Newt Gingrich





"Sting, you the only Police that's good in the hood!"
- Kanye West, while on stage with The Police, at Live Earth


"[My son] Casey died for a country which cares more about who will be the next American Idol than how many people will be killed in the next few months while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives."
- Cindy Sheehan


"That's because I read it."
- Rep. Dennis Kucinich, explaining why he was the only candidate at the Las Vegas Democratic debate who had voted against the Patriot Act


"Where did you two meet, an AMBER Alert?"
- Jack, to Liz , about Liz's much younger date, on 30 Rock


"There were only two of them, but they made a whole frontage: huge, compelling, pneumatic. They burst out of tight red dresses--preferably red--or teased among feather boas, or flanked a dizzying cleavage that plunged to tantalising depths. These were celebrated, American breasts, engineered by silicon to be as broad and bountiful as the prairie. With them, a girl from nowhere--or from Houston, Texas--could do anything. The body behind them waxed and waned, sometimes stout as a stevedore's and sometimes almost waif-like, matching the little-girl voice; but the Breasts remained."
- The Anna Nicole Smith obituary in The Economist


"When I have sex with my husband, I fantasize I am with a petite, hot young woman."
- Dolly Parton


"David Beckham's got my full support and the backing of all my people."
- Diddy



"No. there is an elephant in the way."
- Anonymous, in response to the above physics exam question


"People use music as a utensil to better themselves."
- Jessica Simpson


"As always, I rely on the jury system."
- O.J. Simpson, after a judge refused to dismiss his latest criminal charges


"Go back to Africa and do your gay voodoo limbo tango and wango dance and jump around and prance and run all over the place half naked there."
- Army Recruiter Sgt. Marcia Ramode in an E-mail to a gay black man seeking to enlist


"I want to be like Gandhi and Martin Luther King and John Lennon – but I want to stay alive."
- Madonna


"It has been reported that Rudolph Giuliani has trademarked the name 'Rudolph Giuliani' so other candidates can't use his name in negative campaign ads. ... For similar reasons, Hillary Clinton has trademarked the words 'ballbuster,' 'castrater,' and 'nutcruncher.'"
-Conan O'Brien


"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our [children]."
- Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen USA


"I love 'em ... except for the few sickos who write lesbian fan fiction about me and Bea Arthur.'"
-Betty White, on her fans, on Ugly Betty

Labels: best quotes, lists

--Junichi

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Monday, December 10, 2007

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #127


Who supports this sign more: Republicans or other Democrats?


This Week's Question:

You are a Democrat in Iowa. Your #1 goal is to get a Democrat elected to the White House.

Your favorite candidate is Hillary Clinton, who maintains the lead for the Democratic nomination in Iowa and nationwide.

However, current polls suggest that Clinton would lose in the general election against at least five GOP candidates -- Giuliani, Romney, McCain, Huckabee, and Fred Thompson. The same poll indicates that Obama and Edwards would do better than Clinton among independent and young voters.

For the upcoming primary election, do you vote for Hillary Clinton?

Labels: Barack Obama, election, Hillary Clinton, QOTW

--Junichi

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Friday, December 07, 2007

DRRRRROOOOOOPPP!



There's a good essay waiting to be written to explain the AZN love for the Pharcyde but we'll leave that 'til another time.

(People needing context - i.e. those too young to get this - should refer yourselves to here).

(Credit: Angry Asian Man)
--O.W.

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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

JOE HORN: NEIGHBOR OF THE YEAR?



Do not rob these people or their neighbors


In the town of Pasadena, Texas, Joe Horn saw two men -- Miguel Dejesus, 38, and Diego Ortiz, 30 -- break into his neighbor’s house. Horn called 911 and eventually stated that he intended to shoot the men, despite the dispatch operator's attempt to dissuade him from doing so.

Horn went outside and fatally shot the two men.

You can listen to the eerie 911 call by watching this clip:



While there is no evidence (yet) of racial motivations, the protests have quickly divided along color lines. Dejesus and Ortiz, the deceased, are black and, from what I can tell from photos, Horn appears to be white.

As you can see from the photo of the protest/counter-protest below, white men with confederate flag tattoos confronted and attempted to drown out Black Panther Party leader Quanell X and a group of largely black protesters. Some national reactions have also veered in similar directions, with Horn supporters praising him for taking on "hoodlums."




Quanell X believes Horn should be charged with murder. Horn's supporters are praising him as the neighbor of the year.

There's obviously a big moral debate over whether Horn was right to shoot the two alleged burglars. There's also the legal question of whether Horn would be protected from civil and criminal action by claiming self-defense. I'm going to leave those aside from now.

Here's the real kicker: According to my basic legal research of Texas criminal laws, there would be absolutely no criminal case against Horn ... had the burglary taken place at night.

(Thanks to Kristen for pointing out that the shooting took place at 2 pm.)

Here are the relevant passages of the Texas Penal Code:
§ 9.43. Protection of Third Person's Property

A person is justified in using force or deadly force against another to protect land or tangible, movable property of a third person if, under the circumstances as he reasonably believes them to be, the actor would be justified under Section 9.41 or 9.42 in using force or deadly force to protect his own land or property and:

(1) the actor reasonably believes the unlawful interference constitutes attempted or consummated theft of or criminal mischief to the tangible, movable property; or

(2) the actor reasonably believes that:

(A) the third person has requested his protection of the land or property;

(B) he has a legal duty to protect the third person's land or property; or

(C) the third person whose land or property he uses force or deadly force to protect is the actor's spouse, parent, or child, resides with the actor, or is under the actor's care.

*

§ 9.42. Deadly Force to Protect Property

A person is justified in using deadly force against another to protect land or
tangible, movable property:

(1) if he would be justified in using force against the
other under Section 9.41; and

(2) when and to the degree he reasonably believes the
deadly force is immediately necessary:

(A) to prevent the other's imminent commission of
arson, burglary, robbery, aggravated robbery, theft during the
nighttime, or criminal mischief during the nighttime; or

(B) to prevent the other who is fleeing
immediately after committing burglary, robbery, aggravated
robbery, or theft during the nighttime from escaping with the
property; and

(3) he reasonably believes that:

(A) the land or property cannot be protected or
recovered by any other means; or

(B) the use of force other than deadly force to
protect or recover the land or property would expose the actor or
another to a substantial risk of death or serious bodily injury.

Horn clearly saw two men taking property from his neighbor. He believed deadly force was necessary to prevent them from fleeing after immediately committing burglary. He didn't have other means to stop them. Depending on his relationship with the neighbor, he probably can successfully claim that he had the duty to protect his neighbor's property.

Thus, Horn was legally justified in fatally shooting the next-door burglars except for the fact that the alleged crime took place in the middle of the day. Had the alleged crime and shooting taken place several hours later, there would be no debate as to Horn's legal innocence.

In my opinion, that's the craziest part of this whole story.

It seems that those who are outraged at Horn should really be angry at the Texas legislature for empowering Horn (and future neighbors) to serve as judge, jury, and executioner.

Labels: crime, law, Texas

--Junichi

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GREENPEACE GETS CHEEKY



Hey, whatever it takes for people to pay attention to the environment, I say.
--Junichi

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Monday, December 03, 2007

BIKE BANGERS



Interesting NY Times article on a Queen subculture of kids who pack sound systems onto their bicycles. Complete with a slide show of images.
--O.W.

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