SAY WHAT?

Whoomp, there it is.

NY Times columnist and septuagenarian William Safire of the NY Times (not pictured above) has discovered phrases like "shawty," "aiiight!," and "all up in your grill" to unintentionally hilarious effect.

For those familiar with these phrases, his column will be amusing. For those still trying to work in "bling bling" to your water cooler conversations, his column will be educational.

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Elsewhere on the Interweb:

• Ballsiest Move Ever: This is an amazing story. Three Mexican boys were arrested and handcuffed by a U.S. Border Patrol agent who put them in his patrol car and searched their truck for drugs. While the agent was inspecting their truck, the three boys, while still handcuffed, stole the Border Patrol car, drove it into Mexico, and successfully evaded arrest. Amazing. I'm putting in a bid for the movie rights.
  

• Iranian bloggers on Ahmadinejad's visit to Columbia University Of course, none of the bloggers are gay because these bloggers are from Iran.

• Rocawear Arena? Hey, it beats Baby Phat Stadium.


• Older Siblings Have Higher IQs. As an oldest sibling, I'd love to believe this is true. Problem: George W. Bush is the oldest of six children.
  

• Is Low, Ball & Lynch a real law firm name? Yes, it is.

• Mexican Cheese Belts have been recalled. Thankfully, the contamination did not spread to Korean Kimchi Suspenders.

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: EDITORS

This band is not happy about doing photo shoots

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Smokers Outside The Hospital Room" by Editors
from the new LP An End Has A Start

What kind of a band begins a song with the lyrics: "Pull the blindfold down / So your eyes can't see / Now run as fast as you can / Through this field of trees"? A band that wants you to die, that's who.

And what band would have a hook that goes: "The saddest thing that I'd ever seen / Were smokers outside the hospital doors"? Obviously, a band that has never seen a puppy flattened by a steamroller while trying to save its best friend, Fluffy, a kitten that was intrigued by a ball of yarn thrown into the street by a little girl whose dying wish was to watch her two favorite pets play in a world without steamrollers.

And for the sake of Allah, what band names themselves after a group of employees only slight more enjoyable than anesthesiologists, meter maids, and repo men?

Regardless, Editors -- a British band that sounds like the love child of Arcade Fire, Joy Division, and J.J. Fad if J.J. Fad were not involved in the reproductive process -- has released a soaring, anthemic single that begs for multiple listens. But that's just my opinion.

What sayeth you?

--Junichi

AN EXCELLENT USE OF 3-D TECHNOLOGY

Ladies and Gentlemen:

The Play.

The greatest moment in the history of college sports.

2.0:

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #118

Not meant for wide distribution

This Week's Question:

Now that Facebook and other social networking sites have made it easy for people to find embarrassing or incriminating photos of you -- including those pics that your frenemies snapped while you were plastered last night and then uploaded this morning -- do you avoid having your picture taken?

--Junichi

LOUISIANA IS BRINGING BACK THE NOOSE

Disgusting

As if the Jena 6 travesty of justice wasn't enough to singlehandedly prove that Jim Crow has returned to -- or, perhaps, remained in -- Louisiana, two white teenagers affiliated with the Klan were arrested last night for driving a truck past civil rights marchers with nooses hanging out the back.

The two men were driving in a red pickup near a crowd of people that traveled to Louisiana to protest the Jena 6 incident, which, as you may recall, involved nooses hanging from trees.

The police report says officers searching the truck found Coors Light, a .22 caliber rifle, brass knuckles, and yellow extension cord made into a hangman's noose. According to the report, "While sitting in the lounge the juvenile said that he had KKK tattooed on his chest and that his parents and kin folk were involved with the KKK."

As if black people in Louisiana didn't already have FEMA, unconscionable insurance companies, redlining, horrendous environmental conditions, inadequate health care, and high crime rates to reckon with, now they can add -- no, reinstate -- the Klan and nooses on their lists of reasons why progress has yet to visit them in Louisiana.

This brings me to my main point: despite tens of thousands of good people participating in a huge civil rights march to protest the unequal treatment of the Jena 6, how is it that an event that took place in 2006 (!!!) still has yet to get on the forefront of most Americans' minds?

News coverage has picked up, but still hasn't reached the covers of any weekly magazines and rarely makes it above the fold in any major newspapers. After labeling local black citizens -- struggling to survive Hurricane Katrina -- as looters, you would think reporters in the Gulf might spotlight the Jena 6 story as a form of penitence.

It's not as if any of the injustices suffered by the Jena 6 have been rectified. 17-year-old Mychal Bell, one of the Jena 6, who is awaiting a new trial, is still behind bars because he was denied bail!

A less important question about the two red truck-driving rednecks dragging nooses through town: why do all racists drive trucks? Did I miss a national transportation draft where bigots got to pick trucks, while pedophiles and kidnappers chose vans?

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Contribute to the Jena 6 legal defense fund by clicking here.

--Junichi

CONSERVATIVE vs. LIBERAL BRAINS

Do these people's brains work differently?

This LA Times article caught my eye. Apparently, scientists at NYU and UCLA have concluded that the brains of liberals and conservatives work differently.

Here is an excerpt:

Previous psychological studies have found that conservatives tend to be more structured and persistent in their judgments whereas liberals are more open to new experiences. The latest study found those traits are not confined to political situations but also influence everyday decisions.

The results show "there are two cognitive styles -- a liberal style and a conservative style," said UCLA neurologist Dr. Marco Iacoboni, who was not connected to the latest research.

Participants were college students whose politics ranged from "very liberal" to "very conservative." They were instructed to tap a keyboard when an M appeared on a computer monitor and to refrain from tapping when they saw a W.

M appeared four times more frequently than W, conditioning participants to press a key in knee-jerk fashion whenever they saw a letter.

Each participant was wired to an electroencephalograph that recorded activity in the anterior cingulate cortex, the part of the brain that detects conflicts between a habitual tendency (pressing a key) and a more appropriate response (not pressing the key). Liberals had more brain activity and made fewer mistakes than conservatives when they saw a W, researchers said. Liberals and conservatives were equally accurate in recognizing M.

Researchers got the same results when they repeated the experiment in reverse, asking another set of participants to tap when a W appeared.

Frank J. Sulloway, a researcher at UC Berkeley's Institute of Personality and Social Research who was not connected to the study, said the results "provided an elegant demonstration that individual differences on a conservative-liberal dimension are strongly related to brain activity."

Analyzing the data, Sulloway said liberals were 4.9 times as likely as conservatives to show activity in the brain circuits that deal with conflicts, and 2.2 times as likely to score in the top half of the distribution for accuracy.

Sulloway said the results could explain why President Bush demonstrated a single-minded commitment to the Iraq war and why some people perceived Sen. John F. Kerry, the liberal Massachusetts Democrat who opposed Bush in the 2004 presidential race, as a "flip-flopper" for changing his mind about the conflict.

Based on the results, he said, liberals could be expected to more readily accept new social, scientific or religious ideas.

As much as I'd like to convince myself that liberals are naturally open-minded and thoughtful -- and that conservatives are steadfastly stubborn and closed-minded -- I'm not sure I buy it.

I've met plenty on the left who have just as much of a bull-headed and "knee-jerk" reaction to things as the right-wing reactionary who refuses to believe in evolution, global warming, or the right of African Americans to be treated equally. Hell, I've been rigidly unyielding in my viewpoints for much of my life. And that's because my opinions are correct.

Perhaps the above experiment had a skewed result because liberals don't like touching the W key as it reminds them of our commander in chief.

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: DURAN DURAN

Five and the Ragged Tiger

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Nite Runner" by Duran Duran feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland
from the forthcoming LP Red Carpet Massacre

This new Duran Duran album track is the result of yet another not-yet-ubiquitous-enough Timberlake/Timbo combo. Andy Taylor, the band's original guitarist, left before collaborating with the Tims; I'm guessing Andy was more of a Backstreet Boys fan.

Does Duran Duran's collabo with Timbaland reek of desperation? Do you suspect Nelly Furtado passed on this beat? Do you enjoy Simon Le Bon's obsession with people who jog in the evening? Are you too busy to comment because you're still trying to figure out the meaning to "The Reflex"?

Discuss below.

--Junichi

BILL MAHER ON MISS TEEN SOUTH CAROLINA vs. BUSH

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #117

Everybody dance now!

This Week's Question:

Why is football the only sport in which you can regularly watch athletes dance after scoring?

--Junichi

DÉJÀ VU

Don't disgrace the peacock

Back in 2004, when Arrested Development -- a.k.a. the Best Show in the History of Television -- surprisingly won the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series, I had high hopes that the award signaled decades of season renewals and a new era of smart, multi-layered comic writing on television. Unfortunately, despite wide acclaim and a rabid fan base, Arrested Development died 18 months later from ratings lower than O.J. Simpson's respect for boundaries.

30 Rock is the closest thing to Arrested Development.

Thus, last night was déjà vu for me.

In a stunning upset, 30 Rock, currently the best scripted show on television, won the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series, beating out more predictable winners The Office, Ugly Betty, Entourage, and Two and a Half Men.

But as Tina Fey hinted last night when she thanked the show's "dozens and dozens of viewers," 30 Rock's ratings are also rock bottom. Cops has more viewers than 30 Rock.

So here I am again, naively optimistic that my choice show's viewership will exponentially multiply so I can watch new eps until the end of time. Only now, my hardened heart is preparing for it to be replaced by some reality show about the lead singer of Whitesnake teaching a group of lesbian strippers how to cook asparagus.

Nevertheless, if you don't watch 30 Rock, I beg of you to buy Season 1 on DVD. You can even watch entire episodes for free online.

The density and range of jokes and references beg for multiple viewings. The cameos, ranging from Ghostface to Paul Reubens, are priceless. Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey, and Jack McBrayer are outrageously superb.

And then, there's Tracy Morgan, the third heat of the show and star of Honky Grandma Be Trippin' ...

--Junichi

R. KELLY SINGS ABOUT R. PARTY

Last night, I was disappointed when The Daily Show beat The Colbert Report to take the Emmy for Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series.

But this clip from TDS makes me reassess my opinion.

--Junichi

FRIDAY FEEDBACK: PUBLIC ENEMY

The Security of the First World play a mean game of Risk

This week's Friday Feedback track is:

"Long and Whining Road" by Public Enemy
from the new LP How You Sell Soul to a Soulless People Who Sold Their Soul???

Here is a new PE cut that weaves a bunch of Bob Dylan record titles with older PE tracks. Chuck D reminisces on his twenty years in the game, observing that he's "seen a nation reduce 'Fight the Power' to 'Gin and Juice.'" Can you comment without predictably noting that PE will never live up to its heydey in the "It Takes A Nation" days?

Discuss below.

--Junichi

WHO WANTS TO BE A THOUSANDAIRE?

You may have noticed that my blogging has slowed down these last two weeks. Part of the explanation is that another year at USD Law School has started and I'm knee-deep in lesson plans and assignment-planning.

The other reason is because I found out, last week, that I have been chosen as a contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire with host Meredith Vieira.

As there is no longer a fastest-finger component to the show, I will definitely be in the hot seat.

No joke.

My tape date is this upcoming Tuesday, September 11, 2007, in New York City.

Unfortunately, my air date isn't until the week of January 28, 2008 (more specific dates TBA). Painfully, I'm not allowed to let anyone know the results until then.

For every proton of mine that is excited, there are two neutrons that are horrified about the possibility of embarrassing myself on national television. Did I mention I know nothing about science?

In all honesty, my goal is to just make $1,000. This does not stem from modesty, pessimism, or low self-esteem. I figure if I leave with $1,000, I will have my hotel and plane covered, and more importantly, I will not look like a total idiot.

As shameless as I may be, I do not want to become the next Miss South Carolina.

There is lots more to say, but I need to spend whatever spare time I have absorbing all the knowledge of the world.

Let us all pray that the questions are all about the Wu-Tang Clan or Neuticles.

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Foreshadowing? ...

--Junichi