CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD REICH

"So Tom, exactly how young do you like your women?"

Spoiler alert!

I knew that War of the Worlds would play like a mash-up of Spielberg movies. Perhaps he'd remix the hunt for Cruise in Minority Report with the reversed humanity of robots in AI over the constant drumbeat of terrified prey in Jurassic Park.

Little was I prepared last night to be slapped with hints of three entirely different Spielberg movies: Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan and Amistad. No joke.


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Spielberg is an expert in showcasing evil. Whether it be snakes in Indiana Jones or government alien-nappers in E.T., he knows how to contrast the tension of the unknown with the thrill of close calls.

But when people were mauled by a T. Rex in Jurassic Park, that was just popcorn-chomping fun. Given that these aliens are even more fantastical and dehumanized than the dinosaurs, he could have let the audience have the same type of fun.

Instead, Spielberg manages to place the horror of human decimation here on the same plane as that in Schindler's List. The suspense from the flaming train in this film was eerily similar to the train that ominously pulls into Auschwitz.

That's because Spielberg's target here isn't our fantastical fears (aliens, Captain Hook) as much as our current fears. When Tom Cruise is covered with the ashes of vaporized humans and walls are plastered with pictures of missing people, the allusion to 9/11 is devoid of subtlety. The soldiers, the tanks, and the naive son who wants to fight the enemy remind us of the pointless chaos of our current war. The hundreds forced to abandon their home are reminiscent of refugees fleeing Rwanda. The people caught in the web of the alien's stomach look no different than victims of human trafficking.

Call me cuckoo, but Dakota Fanning -- who delivers a phenomenal child-acting performances -- does ask, in the beginning of the film, if they're fleeing from "the terrorists."

Spielberg's clearly got terrorism on his mind. After all, while filming this, he was in pre-production for his next movie about the assassination of Israeli athletes during the 1972 Munich Olympics (which will certainly push our current anti-Arab, anti-Palestinian sentiment to even more extremes).

(To his credit, the film includes a line that is a subtle swipe against our current occupation of Iraq.)

This is not to suggest that I was taking the movie too seriously or that I was having a miserable time. I had fun. But I felt guilty for having fun, as if I were laughing at Challenger explosion jokes.

Ultimately, I blame Spielberg for my unease -- his allusions to current tragedies felt cheap, at best.

But make no mistake about it: this movie is wildly entertaining. The alien invasion seems so real that I felt forced to tremble in the shoes of a man escaping the apocalypse. The fact that the evil comes in the form of ALF-driven tripods, as opposed to, say, North Koreans seems beside the point.

Having said that, the masterful cinematography and CGI effects were nearly cancelled out by the painfully disappointing conclusion. I hate those schmaltzy, unrealistic happy endings ubiquitous in nearly every Spielberg film.

Spielberg does evil so well that he needs to do just one film where evil prevails.

--Junichi

SCATTER SHOT

PHOTOGRAPHY

• Polaroid-o-Rize your life. This is actually pretty cool, all things considered.

TELEVISION

• Is ABC out of their goddamn minds? Welcome to the Neighborhood is a new reality show where three WHITE families get to choose which of seven families get to move in next door - and four of the families are conspicuously of color (one Black, one Latino, one Native, one Asian) while the other three are all a little "different" (i.e. one family is a pair of gay white men with a black adopted son). Basically, ABC wants these different families to try to impress their White neighbors-to-be to let them live on their block. It's such an unbelievably racist premise, it's amazing no one at the network paused for a second to think - "hey, maybe this isn't such a great idea. Maybe we can do one of those 'Who Wants to Marry a Midget Millionaire' shows instead?"
  
  Apparently, they did finally figure it out since ABC pulled the show yesterday even though all filming had been completed. This probably won't end up costing ABC a ton of money but you figure some producer is going to get axed over how remarkably stupid this idea was to begin wtih.
  
  What's especially appalling is how housing discrimination continues to be a lived reality for millions in America, but now ABC wants to capitalize on it? Check out this laughable description of the show: "...with every encounter with these families, the opinionated neighbors' pre-conceived assumptions and prejudices are also chipped away, and they learn that, while on the outside we may appear different, deep inside we share many common bonds." Give me a fucking break.
  
  I don't doubt that the producers are out to make the judging families look potentially "bad" by superficially exposing their own prejudices and what not but the truth remains, this contest plugs into an incredibly problematic reality for many families who find themselves shut out of neighborhoods by explicit or implicit covenants barring "their kind." Sorry, but I just don't find that a great premise for entertainment (though, in all fairness, it's not as if this show is that much more racist than many other reality shows where people of color are clearly tokens and/or there to be troublemakers).

RACE

• After President Fox's recent gaffe about the difference between Mexican immigrants and African Americans, you'd think Mexico would be a little more careful with how they handle race relations. Apparently, the postal service did not get that memo.

LITERATURE

• Truth really is stranger than fiction: Terry McMillian's man comes out the closet (and we don't mean that in an R.Kelley kind of way). Kris Ex, who put me up on the story, quips: "how bitter do you think her next novel is going to be?"?

MUSIC

• The Chicago Tribune's interactive hip-hop history site. The DJ Challenge is interesting in principle but executed poorly. The history timeline is well-meaning but omits some seminal albums (where did Public Enemy go?) while making other, strange choices (Da Brat? Are you serious?)
  
  
• The MP3 Blog Project has compiled some interesting stats on (guess what?) MP3 blogging.
  
  
• Our man Jon Caramanica tackles random rap, for the NY Times no less. It's a surprising article to end up in the Times. Does this mean I have to guard my Pelon-type heat from Upper East Siders now?
  
  
• Wired Magazine on the brewing beefs in nerdcore hip-hop. If I didn't know better, I would have thought this was written on April 1. But hey, how can you dismiss lyrical brilliance such as: "I'm encrypting shit like every single day; sending it across a network in a safe way; protecting messages to make my pay; if you hack me you're guilty under DMCA." That's not word perfect, that's micro soft. What what - you geeks can't test me.
  
  
• Adisa + Public Enemy + DJ Relm + Balance.
  
  
• Mictlan.com, home to the Old Barrio Guide to Lowrider Music. Check out their dance posters from the '60s and '70s. I love this kind of stuff.
  
  
• Last but not least, this month's Believer Magazine has drawn the ire of the some prominent favorites amongst the blogerati. Basically, people think their annual music issue is wacktacular, not the least of which is because it's narrowly focused on indie rock to the exclusion of other genres and communities (read: it's whiter than baking sode). The NY Times' Kelefa Sanneh wrote an entire column on the issue while Pitchfork.com dismisses the accompanying CD. I'm certainly sympathetic to the criticism being made here but it's not like The Believer has ever sold itself on inclusiveness and diversity. Don't get me wrong - I genuinely like the magazine, especially since it's one of the last refuges for long-form criticism left in the country, but culturally speaking, The Believer makes NPR look like BET (and yes, I'm quite aware they've had interviews with Ice Cube and ?uest Love in it).

  --O.W.

"WHITEWASH THE SHOW" (YEAH, MORE ON RAP AND RACE. DEAL WITH IT.)

too black for blacks?

I'm a week late but last week's Village Voice was on a similar topic to recent posts I've had regarding racial trends in the consumption of hip-hop? In the Voice cover story, Bakari Kitwana writes on the phenomenon of majority white audiences for the most explicit pro-Black rappers. This has been something that many of us have noticed throughout the years - around my haunts, it's a running joke that Hiero shows are all Black on stage, all White in the audience but Bakari is one of the first folks I've seen really try to get at the question of: WTF is going on?

A few points to highlight/riff off of in Bakari's piece:
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1) He tackles the whole "who buys hip-hop" statistic that I highlighted from his book the other week. I noticed that he did not discuss the recent
Wall St. Journal article which looks at the same question and as it randomly was - Bakari called me up today so I asked him if he had read the Wall St. Journal article, and if so, his thoughts on it. To quickly paraphrase, he thought the information presented in the article still seemed far from definitive and was based on too small of a sample size to really be conclusive. (He also thought it seemed very strange that the column practically seems to parrot his book yet makes no mention of it - a "coincidence" not lost on him).

2) Small detail but I keep hearing different opinions about this: is Brother Ali an albino White guy? Or an albino Black guy?

3) "Although to date there's been no attempt to track concert demographic data, fans, promoters, and independent MCs who play live more than half the year give estimates of 85 to 95 percent." This conforms to my personal experiences, hanging out in clubs around the Bay when "conscious" artists are playing, as well as anecdotes that rappers like Mr. Lif have passed along too.

4) According to Wendy Day: ""Unless it's legitimized by the Black community, these kids are not buying a damn thing other than what their friends of color are listening to."

I'm partially feeling that but apparently, Day hasn't studied Aesop Rock or Slug very closely since, if she had, she'd realize that there are very successful (relatively speaking) rappers who have never had much of a Black fan base. The idea that you need Black consumers to some how "legitimize" an artist, while true in many cases, is quickly changing in other parts of the country (*cough cough* Minnesota).

5) Back to Bakari: "After 15 years of gangstas and bling, perhaps hip-hop's Black audience has been so inundated with material garbage that they don't want an uplifting message? Zion, who believes the withering Black audience reflects the diminishing discussion of Blackness in public discourse, thinks so. "I do so many shows in front of mostly white audiences that it's the norm," says Zion. "When I get in front of a Black audience it's like, 'Finally you're here, feel me.' We've done shows in Chicago and São Paulo, Brazil, and it feels good to be in front of our people when they are feeling it. But there are some thugged-out crowds where our message doesn't resonate, and Black folks will say that they aren't trying to hear hip-hop artists remind them of their problems."


This is one of the few times where something even smacking of a theory gets advanced and if I have one critique of the essay, it's that I never got a sense of what explains this phenom. And believe me, it's not like I have a better idea going either. There something depressing in suggesting that Black youth are either drawn to ignorance more than music that deals in hard truths (the escapist theory) or else, they only take what's given them through the marketplace and if that means the lowest common denominator kind of hip-hop, that's what it is (the sheep theory). I find both dissatisfying because it treats Black youth consumer habits almost pathologically but like I just said, I don't have a brilliant counter-argument to offer either.

5) One more grounded explanation that I've heard offered up - which makes quite a bit of sense to me - is that many Black youth are getting priced out of hip-hop shows given escalating concert costs. That's something that could probably be correlated through some basic research on ticket price changes over the last 10-15 years. Anecdotally, I know that many of the larger shows around town - at say, the Fillmore or Warfield - are definitely not that cheap and even smaller shows at places like the Independent will set you back $15-20, easily.

6) And I'm going to go back to another idea raised during the Cody's panel from the other week: rap acts that have a majority White audience are seen as inauthentic by Black youth. There's definitely some chicken/egg confusion going on here: does a Black rapper have to gain White fans first and then get de-legitimized by Black consumers? Or is it more that, for whatever reason, when Black youth choose not to support certain artists, White youth are there to fill the vacuum?

Discuss.

--O.W.

A REVIEW OF RIZE

You Got Krumped

While it's debatable whether Dave Chappelle has the best mouth in the biz, there's no doubt, in my humble opinion, that David LaChapelle has the best eye.

Whether it's his photograph of Alicia Keys next to a flaming pink piano or his commercial of Hootie hawking a BK burger or his music video of J. Lo channeling Flashdance, the man knows how to use colors, flesh, and the surreal to capture attention. His touch is so distinct that it's easy to guess when he's the auteur behind the lens.

Naturally, I was looking forward to Rize, his debut film and his new documentary on the culture of "krumping" and "clowning," two related forms of dancing that rose from the ashes of the 1992 LA riots.

How to describe it? Spawned by Tommy the Clown, this amazing artform reminds me of the dance moves I once demonstrated at a party when the DJ played 2 Live Crew's "Hoochie Mama" after I grundlechugged my seventh Mountain Dew/Jolt cocktail without taking my anti-seizure medication during an earthquake.

The convulsions are so frenetic that the film begins with a disclaimer that none of the footage was sped up. In the event you haven't seen a snippet, watch this.

Quite honestly, when I was hit with this cinematic barrage of addictive and adrenaline-inducing movement, I wanted to jump out of my movie theater seat and join in the fun. But alas, I couldn't because I would have died ten seconds into my routine from nacho cramps and Milk Duds vomit.

The surprising thing about Rize is that there are only a few moments -- a blue sky here, a pink wall there -- reminiscent of LaChapelle's vivid work. This documentary is simply the reflection of a man so fascinated with a subculture that he believed it would speak for itself. Thus, there's no narration, no fancy camera tricks, and no flaming pianos.

The people documented in this movie are so captivating that I'm sure I still would have enjoyed watching them even if Stevie Wonder filmed it guerilla-style on his cell phone camera. I could view unedited footage of Miss Prissy and the little kids all day, and apparently, so can LaChapelle. But thankfully, his film presents a loose narrative complete with punchlines, drama, climactic showdowns, tragedy, and victory.

Even if you hate dancing or documentaries or movies, the slamming soundtrack is worth the $10 price of admission. Dizzee Rascal's "Fix Up, Look Sharp" never sounded so good. I know I'm not the only one in the theater who shed a tear when Alice Ridley sang "Amazing Grace."

Given that LaChapelle discovered these dancers while filming the Christina Aguilera video "Dirrty," I was worried this movie was going to exploit the South Central community. But, as of yet, it largely avoids this pitfall.

I do have a few minor complaints with the film, however.

For starters, the preachy messages in the film - "sky's the limit," "inner city kids need an outlet to express themselves," "dancing is positive, harmless fun" - get shoved down your throat about 57 too many times. Some of the proselytizing even comes in the form of literal preaching, with LaChapelle linking krumping with the black church.

On a similar note, I was uncomfortable with a subtle insinuation - common in Hollywood portrayals of 'urban life' - that were it not from krumping [or insert other extracurricular activity], these black inner city youth would be turning to a life of gangs and crime.

Also, in one dance sequence, footage of the dancers is interspersed with Leni Riefenstahl's 1970s archival footage of dancing by the Nuba tribe. What is the point of this? Other than to say, hey look -- older generations of African people liked to paint their faces and dance too!

On an aural note, why don't we ever get to hear the original music they were dancing to? Given that the soundtrack includes 2Pac songs, couldn't Lions Gate get the legal clearances for the original music? At times, the dubbed music seems a tad off from the dancers, but of course, it's hard to say. This left me wondering what the boombox was originally playing and what noises the crowds made. Did everyone stare in silence or scream as if at a step show? What if the posses were dancing to Michael Bolton? I might be hating Krumpers right now.

On balance, however, Rize is a tremendous documentary, a much-needed celebration, and the start of something big.

Go watch it now before your kids have to explain it to you.


P.S. For a short time, I've posted an MP3 of the "Rize Score Suite" here, which is a medley of Red Ronin, Jose Cancela, and Amy Marie Beauchamp's instrumental score from the movie, along with one vocal snippet. If I played pro baseball, my theme song would be the first 30 seconds of this track as I step to home plate. It's a crime that the full version of each portion isn't included on the soundtrack. Hook me up, David!

--Junichi

BYE BYE BIRDIE

Lil' Birdie Kim

In a momentous occasion for Asians in professional sports, South Korean Birdie Kim just won the U.S. Women's Open.

However, in a low moment for Asians in professional sports, Ms. Kim -- formerly known as Ju-Yun Kim -- revealed in a post-tournament interview that she felt compelled to change her first name to Birdie so that others could distinguish her from the five other Korean players with the last name Kim.

Kim said: "Nobody can remember our first names … I want to make a special name in golf."

I understand that golf is the mother of all racist sports, but it seems exceptionally sad, if true, that 'western' golfers and golf fans are unable to remember her name unless it is synonymous with the extension of one's middle finger.

Of course, I'm disappointed with Birdie for abandoning her beautiful Korean first name.

Birdie, if you're going to change your name to a 'Tiger'-like Anglo one, why not choose "Eagle" instead? Or "Albatross"? Have I impressed you with my knowledge of golf terminology?

No matter, this sets a bad precedent for Asian-named professional athletes like myself.

Oh wait, sorrry, I'm not Asian.

But as for the remaining Asian sports superstars, surely Ichiro Suzuki feels pressure now to change his name to Four-Bagger Suzuki in order to distinguish himself from all the motorcycles named Suzuki.

Hideo Nomo will then follow suit and crown himself No-Hitter Nomo, which is ironic since Hideo is a Japanese word meaning "bases loaded."

Like dominoes, pioneer linebacker Dat Nguyen will change his name to Hail Mary Nguyen, leading to tennis trailblazer Ai Sugiyama transforming herself into Topspin Sugiyama.

And sweet Jesus of Nazareth or Buddha on a popsicle stick ... what if Yao Ming changes his name to Slam Dunk Ming?

Or worse, Long Dunk Ming?

Keep it real, Asian athletes. Keep it real.

--Junichi

THE PASSION OF THE STARS & STRIPES

When the bombs burst in the air, at least our flag is still flame-retardant

Last week, the House of Representatives approved, 286-130, a Constitutional Amendment that essentially bans the desecration of the American flag. The measure now goes to the Senate.

Not alarmed yet? Perhaps you take comfort in the fact that the Senate killed an identical measure in 2003. Bad news. The bill only lost by four votes and since then the Republican Party has picked up four seats.

Which is to say, this asinine legislative effort has the best chance in decades of gaining the necessary two-thirds Senate approval. According to the LA Times, there are 65 votes lined up in favor of the amendment. Hence the Amendment will pass the Senate if any two of the following four senators say aye: Hillary Clinton (D-NY), Maria Cantwell (D-WA), Jon Corzine (D-NJ) and Mark Pryor (D-Ark).

If this proposed amendment passes the Senate, at least 38 states (3/4ths of the states) will likely ratify it, thereby becoming a permanent fixture in our nation's supreme law.

Your move, Germany.

Strangely, not many people -- including many civil libertarians I know -- seem to be concerned.

I hope the apathy is not rooted in the assumptions articulated by the two entreprenitwits who stood behind me in line at the airport this morning:

Suit #1: "It doesn't matter if it passes because it's unconstitutional."
Suit #2: "Yeah, totally a violation of free speech."
Suit #1: "Besides, the Supreme Court will strike it down again."

Here's a basic lesson in constitutional law, fellas: A constitutional amendment is never unconsitutional because it's part of the constitution!

The proposed measure, if passed, won't violate the First Amendment; rather, it will amend -- or if you prefer, rewrite -- the First Amendment. And there is not a single thing that any court can do about it.

All of which is to say, our country is two votes away from amending our Bill of Rights for the first time ever.

In sum, would such a measure be unconstitutional? No.

Un-American? Yes.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #12

You Oughta Know

This Week's Question:

What is the worst television show of all-time?

--Junichi

AMAZING STORIES

Wendy the Snapple Lady gets everyone wet and sticky

• New Yorkers get the sticky icky icky: Union Square was flooded yesterday. So what, you might ask? The cause wasn't a thunderstorm or a broken hydrant, but rather a melting 25-foot, 17-ton pink popsicle made of Kiwi-Strawberry Snapple. Snapple's attempt to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the largest popsicle -- on a very warm and sunny summer day (!?!) -- failed, to the surprise of only dunces. However, the fake juice company succeeded in injuring pedestrians, snarling traffic, and re-bottling the melted juice to create a new Snapple flavor: BigApple-Urineberry.

• Mr. Wendell, Kevlar Tongue: After Wendell Coleman woke up yesterday with a monster headache and a swollen lip, he walked twelve blocks to the nearest hospital to get checked out. What's so amazing about that? Doctors discovered a bullet lodged in his tongue. Apparently, when another man shoved a pistol into Wendell's face the previous night and pulled the trigger, Wendell didn't realize he had been shot. Now with only seven more bullets to go, he's destined to be the next 50 Cent. Until then, he will remain the Director of Marketing Promotions at Snapple.
  

• The Miseducation of Chenigall Suseela: This is an amazing story of resistance: wife wants an education, husband objects, wife gets a divorce. What's remarkable about that? For starters, the wife is 14 and the husband is 15. Also, it's apparently the first time in the Indian state of Andhra Pradesh that an underage female bride resisted the long-standing tradition of forced marriages and successfully obtained a divorce. Of course, she had to credibly threaten to commit suicide, but hey, a victory is a victory.
  

• Titanic II: The Vacation from Hell: A week-long Caribbean cruise was just cancelled due to poor sales. So what? The cruise was themed "The Battle for American Values" and featured symposium topics like "How to Combat the ACLU." The highlight? A special appearance by Bill O'Reilly. Despite heavy advertising on Fox News, prospective travelers stayed away, apparently worried that Mr. O'Reilly would enter their cabin showers and lather them up with a falafel. What ever will I do for my honeymoon now? (credit: SweetJesusIHateBillOreilly)

• Yuen Wo Ping Pong: Finally, this isn't a story, but it's pretty amazing, nonetheless. Only the Japanese would think of combining the Matrix and ping pong for a variety show. (credit: Preeti!)

--Junichi

COMMON: BE - WHAT ARE THE REST OF US MISSING?

who's making sense?

This has been nagging at me for a bit and David Drake's recent post about perceiving a Common vs. Mike Jones double standard got me thinking about this more, especially after noticing in this week's Week that they have Common's Be listed as a four star (their highest rating...I think?) based on the accumulative ratings from other publications.

So, on behalf of many other folks who I know share this same opinion: WTF?

Why is it that Be is being lauded not only as one of the best rap albums of the year but also the best album in Common's career? Are the rest of us missing something? Is there some secret alternative version of Be that half the population received that the rest of us didn't?

I'm not saying Be is a bad album. What I've said elsewhere is that it certainly has some strong songs on it; I like the economy of this shorter album; Kanye and Jay Dee make a good match with Common's lyrical styles; etc. On the flipside, there is some tepid, if not downright unlistenable material on the album as well and they make a questionable decision to put on a "live" version of one of the album's best songs ("The Food") rather than studio version which has far superior fidelity.

Moreover, when I've talked about the album with other friends of mine - including other critics - they've all had the same basic reaction: "it's ok" mixed with a shoulder shrug. That's not really screaming "ALL TIME CLASSIC!" in my head.

I'm not trying to pick a fight (well, ok, maybe a small one). I just want to understand what the hell people find so incredibly awesome about Be that they're treating it like some kind of resurrec...uh...some kind of miracle.

Break it down for us.

--O.W.

ROUND 'EM UP

what they'll be wearing in Williamsburg next season
RACE

• Jeff Chang gives the commencement speech for the Asian American Studies dept. at UCLA. All in all, a pretty amazing 10 minute speech about the past and future of Asian American Studies and what lies after racial rage and sadness.
  
  
• Dan Charnas breaks down Black/Jewish relations in part 2 of a 3-part series. Don't forget to read the comments for that post.
  
  
• The "Oreo" Barbie. Junichi sent me a link to that. I have no idea where he found it but it's got "IRONY" stamped all over it in invisible ink.

WRITING

• Art criticism isn't dead (yet). Apparently, that's because bloggers took over. Scary thought.

MUSIC

• "In Search of the Next DJ Shadow". Seriously folks - I have people asking if this is real and while I'm inclined to say it's one helluva elaborate (and hilarious) parody there are some credible whispers that this isn't a joke at all. Judge for yourself.
  
  
• Saigon interviewed in Murder Dog. Some choice quotables there, no doubt but the real question is: how good is Saigon's album going to sound if Just Blaze is doing the whole thing?
  (credit: Pacific Standard)
  
  
• Maybe the 80s weren't so bad after all. I'd rock the #7 bowling shoes.
  (credit: Pickin' Boogers)
  
  
• Follow-up to the Kim's mixtape bust, appearing in the NY Times. Kalefa breaks down the contradictions involved.
  
  
• D-Nice's Polaroid journey through hip-hop history. All I can say is 1) it's amazing to see pictures of KRS-One as a teen and 2) Michael Jackson? WTF?
  
  
• Last but not least, David Drake asks if there's a double-standard involved with Common and Mike Jones. It's a provocative argument but I think DD is a little off-mark with his assumptions here. I agree - Common's album is way overrated and I'm as mystified as anyone as to why people seem to think this is classic material when it's more like Common's fourth best album. That said, I don't think there's a real double-standard at play here. As others have pointed out, Common's on his sixth album, Mike Jones is only on his first and while "Still Tippin" was pretty hot, so was "Lean Back" and it's not like the Terror Squad album got reviewed everywhere either.
  
  The fact that the Voice didn't review Jones' CD means nada - the Voice mostly reviews what's pitched to them and I've seen enough critics listen to the Jones CD and go "eh" (and we're talking about people who actually know/like Swishahouse stuff) that I'm not surprised the Voice took a pass. Compare that with someone like 50 Cent who had far more buzz behind his debut AND ended up reviewed everywhere because of said buzz. If Mike Jones isn't measuring up as high, maybe that's because even Houston boosters think dude is overrated and that's created a buzz kill around him.
  
  I'm not saying Common deserves to have more attention thrown his way (except for the fact, again, that he's been recording for 14 years and Jones hasn't) but bottomline, Jones is, to borrow from Turf Talk, "plat, b----!" So what if he won't end up on the Pazz and Jop, cozying up on M.I.A.'s spot (btw, no way Common is more overhyped than M.I.A. She's got that title on lock)? He can cry about it on the way to the bank to cash his checks.
  
  Verdict: No double standard. Maybe Mike Jones needs to record with John Mayer.

--O.W.

THE DEATH OF DESTINY'S CHILD

Surrendering in the war on bootyliciouslessness

For those familiar with the music of Destiny's Child, below is the transcript of my imaginary interview with Beyonce Knowles, Kelly Rowland, and Michelle Williams, who recently announced that they will soon be disbanding the group.

They agreed to answer my questions by quoting verbatim some of their famously inane lyrics.

JUNICHI: Hello ladies, thanks for taking my questions.

BEYONCE: Say my name! Say my name! You actin' kinda shady not callin me baby.

JUNICHI: Ummm ... ok, thank you Beyonce, or ... baby. So the three of you have announced that you're splitting up after this last tour. Are you really breaking up for good?

BEYONCE: You'll be sayin' no, no, no, no, no when it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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JUNICHI: When you seem to be able to balance the needs of the trio with your respective solo careers, how do you respond to your fans who say you are all crazy to disband?

KELLY: Even when I'm with my boo, y'know I'm crazy over you!

BEYONCE: Your love's got me looking so crazy right now!

MICHELLE: I'm crazy for loving you!

JUNICHI [Confused]: Michelle, I think you're referencing Patsy Cline. I'm not sure since I, like 99.99% of the world, never listened to your solo album.

MICHELLE: I'm crazy for you!

JUNICHI: Now that's Madonna, Michelle. Never mind. So Kelly, how will you survive the breakup of Destiny's Child?

KELLY: I'm a survivor. I'm not gonna give up. I'm not gon' stop. I'm gonna work harder.

JUNICHI: Michelle, after the split, what are you hoping for?

MICHELLE: I need a soldier known to carry big things, if you know what I mean.

BEYONCE: Girl, I didn't know you could get down like that!

JUNICHI: But Michelle, given that you have zero name recognition, are you concerned that you will be penniless after your 1% share of the profits from Destiny's Child subside?

MICHELLE: The shoes on my feet? I bought it. The clothes I'm wearing? I bought it.

JUNICHI: Yes, but what about once the royalty checks stop coming in?

MICHELLE [after long pause]: Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automo' bills?

JUNICHI: Wait, are you aking people to cover your expenses? I thought you were an independent woman. I wasn't ready for this.

BEYONCE: I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

--Junichi

JUSTICE DEFERRED DELAYED

Mississippi still burns though.

--O.W.

RACE AND RAP REVISITED (AGAIN)

the question of the moment
Last Friday, Cody's Books in Berkeley sponsored an event on "Race, White Privilege, Social Justice and Hip-Hop" (yeah, you know, small topics) which featured a powerhouse panel comprising of Adam Mansbach, Jeff Chang, Tricia Rose and Dave Stovall.

Judging by some of the comments left in my last post about race/rap, I get the sense that some would rather assume that we've moved to some post-race identity politics when it comes to hip-hop. However, Friday's panel only confirmed that issues of race, far from becoming moot in our age of vapid multiculturalism, are more pertinent (and complex) as ever - especially in hip-hop.

The entire course of conversations that happened is too dense to summarize succinctly so instead, I jotted down a few notes that I think can all lead to larger dialogues and debates. To begin:
CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...

One common agreement amongst the panel is that hip-hop's popularity has resulted in a situation where Blackness is being consumed like never before but without requiring any form of contact with the Black community whatsoever. Both Adam and Prof. Rose raised that point that previous Black cultural forms - such as the blues or jazz - often encouraged non-Black fans to literally travel into Black neighborhoods as a way to listen or take part in them. However, as media distribution has become increasingly divorced, geographically speaking, from the space of production, it's not all surprising that you could have a generation of youth raised on Black culture (in the form of hip-hop) who've never interacted with a single Black person in their own lives. This isn't a new observation of course but I've yet to see that many people really probe the implications and problems that arise from this phenomenon. Obviously, it forces non-Black hip-hop fans to interrogate what they contribute (or fail to contribute) to contemporary race relations and maybe it's precisely why the topic is so frequently elided.

To add onto this, Adam made the point in saying that if we're talking about white privilege, he feels that too many white listeners of hip-hop presume that just the fact of their consumption habits is already a sufficient political gesture. In other words, the mere fact that a white kid listens to hip-hop is somehow revolutionary since it's supposed to represent some implicit rejection of conventional whiteness. Adam pointed out 1) that's hardly anything new - white youth have been rejecting whiteness through the consumption of Black culture for 100+ years without having improved race relations in that same amount of time and 2) he said something to the effect of: "the opposite of white privilege is not blackness - it's the dismantling of white privilege." In other words, one does not destroy white supremacy by identifying with Black culture or even Black people - that act alone isn't sufficient to undo the legacy of systemic racial inequality and oppression and that to assume that it does actually only compounds the problem.

This is something that William "Upski" Wimsatt tackled ten years ago in his "Aren't I a Special White Boy" essay in Bomb the Suburbs but again, it seems like few have listened to his insights.

Prof. Rose raised an age-old question that people still argue endlessly over: why is hip-hop so popular across social lines? She argues that it has little to do with the aesthetics of rap (in terms of its lyrics and music) and has everything to do with its "performance of a certain kind of black masculinity." In noting that, she points out that there is definitely the potential for a beautiful kind of cultural contact that can arise from the desire to connect with those forms of Blackness but the emphasis here is on potential which she doesn't think has been remotely fulfilled yet. (By the way, Rose isn't arguing that there's nothing appealing about hip-hop on an aesthetic level, but as she notes, there are many forms of Black cultural production that are aesthetically impressive, not just hip-hop, yet hip-hop is far, far more popular. She's arguing that hip-hop's performance of a particularly virile form of Black masculinity is the key difference).

Switching topics - Dr. Rose also relayed an experience she had teaching a class on hip-hop at UC Santa Cruz: she had asked volunteers from her class to help put together a set of songs that represented the Oakland underground scene. The first students to volunteer were white and they put folks like Too Short, the Coup and Hieroglyphics in the mix. A few days later, some of the Black students in her class approached her and put her up on Keek the Sneak, Mac Dre and E-40 instead. When she asked her Black students why they were listening to Keek, Dre and others but NOT the Coup or Hiero (whom she considered to be more sophisticated both aesthetically and socially), they replied, "because White kids like them" which seems to reflect the long-held wisdom that if you're too popular with White folks, you lose credibility with Black folks (see Digable Planets and Arrested Development).

Prof. Rose expressed her concern that it's now become the case that Black youth are only into the most (in her words) retrograde, nihilistic and misogynistic elements of hip-hop out there and rejecting more progressive, intelligent and sophisticated artists. Her concern was that this was creating a death spiral of values and aspirations amongst Black youth. This is similar, to me at least, to other critiques raised by folks like Mark Anthony Neal and Greg Tate, all of whom are from an older generation (40+) of hip-hop fans and whose attitudes on this issue have been fiercely debated by younger fans.

---

Let me add two (not so) small questions to all this:

1) Where do Latinos and Asian Americans fall into this mix? This went unmentioned during the panel. On one hand, their appreciation of hip-hop partially (if not largely) stems from the perception that they too are members of a marginalized, racialized community. Therefore, they feel that hip-hop "speaks to and for them" on a level that doesn't as readily apply to Whites.

On the other hand, it's not as if A) communities of color work together in harmony. If anything, the historical record reveals that White Supremacy has been exceedingly effective in creating incentives for groups to turn on each other in the hopes of gaining a slice of White Privilege. And B) Latino and Asian Americans are just as capable of conflating consumption with contact - enjoying the fruits of Black cultural labor without contributing to any material solidarity with Black people.

2) What can we do to maximize the potential of hip-hop to create cross-cultural contact that is not exploitative and builds meaningful relationships and solidarity rather than reifying a tradition of cultural colonialism?

Let me add that I don't think you can attack this issue at the level of consumption. As Adam pointed out - preventing Whites from accessing Black culture only increases their desire for it and moreover, Black cultural producers rarely control the means of distribution and so long as 99.9% of rappers are more than happy to sell their records to anyone who wants to buy them, it's unlikely that there can be a movement to reverse the conventional flow of cultural consumption. What you can do, however, is try to find a way to use consumption as the starting point to something more productive. My question is: how do we find that way?

--O.W.

GLORY HOLE STOPS SERVING BEAR MEAT

Bearly Legal

According to this AP article, there is a homeless shelter in Juneau, Alaska called the Glory Hole, which recently discovered it had been violating state laws by serving "donated bear meat" to the homeless.

The article includes questionable quotes such as:

"Some of the people served by the Glory Hole said they miss meat of any kind."

and

"We serve a lot of guys who need protein to get their days going."

I strongly suspect that a staff writer at the Associated Press had a jolly good time taking advantage of his/her editor who is apparently unlettered in fetish lingo.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #11

Killer's Final Chow?

This Week's Question:

If you were about to be executed, what would you request for your final meal?

--Junichi

I HATE PARIS EVERY MOMENT

If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face.

Surely, you've seen the intolerable diet-porno prude-baiting commercial with Paris Hilton whoring herself out (again) for the Spicy BBQ Six-Dollar Artery-Clogger Burger at the House of Cholesterol known as Carl's Jr.

Here's a remix, if you will, of the infamous commercial that more accurately portrays the average Carl's Jr. consumer. I find Paris so not-hot that I prefer this version.

By the way, if you'd like to view pictures of the inside of Paris Hilton, click here.

--Junichi

THE BIG ONE IS COMING

Tell me who in this house know about the quake?

EARTHQUAKES IN CALIFORNIA DURING THE LAST FIVE DAYS
(Not complete)

June 17, 2005 - 1.9 magnitude - 9:25 am - Rancho Santa Margarita, CA
June 17, 2005 - 2.5 magnitude - 9:04 am - Anza, CA
June 17, 2005 - 2.1 magnitude - 7:53 am - Yucaipa, CA
June 17, 2005 - 2.3 magnitude - 5:43 am - McKittrick, CA
June 17, 2005 - 2.3 magnitude - 5:42 am - Cloverdale, CA
June 16, 2005 - 6.7 magnitude - 10:21 pm - Punta Gorda, CA
June 16, 2005 - 3.4 magnitude - 10:24 pm - Anza, CA
June 16, 2005 - 2.9 magnitude - 2:02 pm - Yucaipa, CA
June 16, 2005 - 3.5 magnitude - 1:54 pm - Yucaipa, CA
June 16, 2005 - 3.7 magnitude - 1:54 pm - Yucaipa, CA
June 16, 2005 - 4.9 magnitude - 1:53 pm - Yucaipa, CA
June 16, 2005 - 3.5 magnitude - 4:37 am - Avenal, CA
June 14, 2005 - 3.9 magnitude - 7:57 pm - The Geysers, CA
June 14, 2005 - 7.2 magnitude - 7:50 pm - Crescent City, CA
June 12, 2005 - 5.2 magnitude - 8:41 pm - Anza, CA

Dear Fellow Californians:

Given the imminent earthquake that will sink the west half of California into the Pacific Ocean, I would strongly advise you to leave immediately for other parts of the country.

I especially recommend evacuating the state if you are slowing my commute, jacking up housing costs, snatching up the used records, raping the horses, riding off on the women, or pruning the hedges.

The seismic convulsions will not stop, even after Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes file for divorce.

Very truly yours,

--Junichi

POLITICAL ROUNDUP: TORTURE IN A BOTTLE EDITION

Xtina Behind Bars

• Dirrty Tactics: I'm not a fan of Christina Aguilera, but I admit I feel sorry for her. Could there be any greater insult than your own government using your music to torture captives at Guantanamo Bay? The Penatgon confirmed that Mohammed al-Qahtani, the alleged 20th hijacker, was interrogated for 20 hours a day and kept awake by Aguilera's music. Given our military's penchant for removing suspects' clothing, I certainly will never look at Xtina's album titles -- "Stripped" and "Just Be Free" -- the same way. Maybe Rummy could win the so-called war on terror if he blasted the Counting Crows instead.

• Forever ever ... forever ever? Speaking of Gitmo, the White House is apparently taking the legal position that suspects at Guantanamo Bay can be held there "in perpetuity." According to BushCo's fuzzy logic, since a 'war on terror' doesn't ever end, Guantanamo can stick around forever.

You know, even if I put myself into the repressed shoes of a Bush-loving conservative and even if I believed that the hundreds of un-charged captives at Gitmo are connected to specific terrorist activities, I would still demand Bush close Guantanamo Bay.

Once the Supreme Court intervenes to preserve Gitmo inmates' basic rights and Amnesty International describes Gitmo as the "gulag of our time" and NY Times columnist Tom Friedman (who's no liberal) refers to it as the "anti-Statue of Liberty" and Senator Leahy decries it is "a festering threat to our security" and every other country on our planet proclaims us the model of inhumanity, it's clearly in our national interest to shut it down. [Insert Public Enemy soundtrack here.]

• Shhhh! This Is A Library Terrorist Cell: Amazingly, the Democrats and 38 Republicans in the House just passed an amendment to the Patriot Act that removes those provisions allowing our government to spy on our library activities and bookstore purchases. Of course, don't get your read on just yet. You will probably still end up on a government list if you check out The Anarchist's Cookbook or Aviation for Dummies since Dubya is threatening to veto the amendment.

• Impeach the President: In case you haven't heard of the infamous Downing Street Memo, click here. This smoking gun firmly establishes how BushCo and Blair fabricated reasons to go to war with Iraq in an attempt to make their otherwise-illegal plans for regime change legitimate. The White House has yet to dispute the accuracy of the leaked memo. To take action, click here or here. If you've been waiting to pick and choose a battle, this is the one.
  

And finally:

• Bank of White America: A new study shows that black Americans are still 60% more likely to be rejected for a mortgage than similarly creditworthy white Americans. Thankfully, Tim Wise takes on the neocons who suggest that this discrepancy is not the result of racial bias.

--Junichi

SAMBO'S BACK (IN JAPAN)

guess who's back?
I have to say - whatever slim gains get made in improving Afro-Asian relations in the U.S., leave it up to Japan to salt the game. If it's not Japanese hip-hop kids dressing up in literal blackface (I've heard this is a minute fraction of the overall hip-hop audience in Japan but even still), it's apparently Japanese adults getting all nostalgic for the days of reading the book: Little Black Sambo. (Someone please cue up KMD right about now).

The L.A. Times came out with a story of how Little Black Sambo is now a best-seller in Japan. Some pull quotes worth noting:

"Zuiunsha [the Japanese publisher who put the book back out] reportedly has sold 95,000 copies in two months since bringing out "Chibikuro Sambo." Despite being a child's read at a thin 16 pages, "Sambo" sits among the top five adult fiction bestsellers at major Tokyo book chains.

"But Mori [a psychologist] said most Japanese were surprised to learn that "Little Black Sambo" had racist overtones. "It never occurred to us," he said. "It was just a story." Intrigued by the controversy, Mori conducted academic experiments involving readers that he said showed the Japanese take nothing racist away from reading "Little Black Sambo." He offered a group of kindergarteners and another of senior citizens a look at two versions of the story: one with the Dobias' drawings, another with the central character drawn as a black Labrador puppy. The test groups found both illustrated versions equally amusing."
[Um...that doesn't actually seem very conclusive.]

(Credit: Soulstrut.com)

--O.W.

WHEN A MAN LOVES A MAN

Don't be fooled by the jewels that he's got

When George Michael came out of the closet in the late 90s, he was challenged about the honesty of his song lyrics, given his frequent crooning of love songs.

The better half of Wham! replied:

"Over the years some people say they felt deceived because I'd not come out before but I can honestly say I stopped making my lyrics gender-specific once I knew inside me I was at least bisexual and probably gay. And that was from the age of 24 or so, when I made Faith."

Hence, after George Michael, artists who write gender-neutral love songs today often invite rumors of their sexuality.

Those singers who are actually out (e.g., Michael Stipe, k.d. lang, Elton John) rarely release gender-specific same-sex love songs. Have you ever heard a "gay" love song on the radio?

Moreover, in our hyper-homophobic society, many male singers rumoured to be gay or seemingly insecure about their "manliness" often go overboard to perform songs about women.

This is all a long preamble to introduce my new hypothesis / hope / plan ...

From now on, whenever I hear a man sing or rap about a woman, I will assume he is actually referring to a man.

Let's test it out, shall we? Herewith are some famous song lyrics with only the genders reversed:

"Around The Way Boy" - LL Cool J

I want a guy with extensions in his hair
Bamboo ear-rings, at least two pair


"Legs" - ZZ Top

He's got hair down to his fanny.
He's kinda jet set, try undo his panties.
Everytime he's dancin' he knows what to do.
Everybody wants to see if he can use it.
He's so fine / he's all mine
Girl, you got it right:
He's got legs / he knows how to use them.


"Yeah" - Usher

I saw shorty he was checkin' up on me
from the game he was spittin' in my ear
you would think that he knew me
so we decided to chill.
Conversation got heavy
he had me feelin' like he's ready to blow!


"Brown Sugar" - D'Angelo

Let me tell you 'bout this boy
Maybe I shouldn't
I met him in Philly and his name was Brown Sugar
See we be makin' love constantly
That's why my eyes are a shade blood burgundy
...
Oh Sugar when you're close to me
You love me right down to my knees
And whenever you let me hit it
Sweet like honey when it comes to me
Skin is caramel with those cocoa eyes
Even got a big brother by the name of Chocolate Thai


"Crash Into Me" - Dave Matthews Band

You’ve got your ball
You’ve got your chain
Tied to me tight tie me up again
...
When I’m holding you so boy
Close to me
Oh and you come crash
Into me
& I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me


"Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix-A-Lot

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a boy walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung / wanna pull out your tongue
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed

Update: check out the comments for more song alterations!

--Junichi

THE KING OF POP WALKS

The rap? He beat it.

Wow. To my surprise, Michael Jackson was found not guilty of all ten counts, and thankfully so.

As I've written previously, there were countless reasons to doubt whether Michael Jackson was guilty of any of the alleged crimes, especially the ludicrous charge of conspiracy to commit falsely imprisonment.

I've been listening to the jurors on CNN and I'm quite amazed at their ability to stay on point and demonstrate their strict following of jury instructions. In a moment of weakness, however, one woman, Eleanor Cook, did suggest that she was agitated when the victim's mother, Janet Jackson, snapped her fingers at the jury.

Whereas most of America was asking what kind of 40-year-old adult sleeps in bed with children, the jurors were apparently asking what kind of mother lets her children sleep in bed with a 40-year-old.

Overall, the jury seemed convinced, as did I, in the very real possibility that the victim's mother was scheming to rob Michael Jackson. Among other things, it was hard to ignore the fact that she sued JC Penney's for false imprisonment and alleged sexual behavior in that case.

Needless to say, she had the credibility of Susan Smith at a racial unity gathering.

In any event, I say that justice was served.

*

Side note: the racial composition of the jury - now visible on CNN - is interesting in light of today's Supreme Court rulings. (The Court ordered a new trial in the case of an African American murder suspect in which prosecutors struck 9 out of 10 of the American American potential jurors.) In MJ's case, none of the jurors were black -- two were Chicano/Latino, one was Asian, and the rest were white.

*

The biggest news of all: Geraldo Rivera doesn't have to shave off his mustache.

*

This footage of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog outside the MJ courthouse is both an illustration of the incredible media bias against MJ and a demonstration of brilliant comedy.

(Thanks to Nebur's World for sending it our way.)

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #10

No comment.

This Week's Question:

What things are too personal for you to discuss in the comments to this post?




(Editor's note: I deleted the query that was posted here before, in light of my apparent inability to write a comprehensible question on an early Monday morning.)

--Junichi

WEEKEND WRAP-UP: YAY AREA EDITION

Best in No-Show

Here's all the non-important bay area news that you might've missed this weekend:

• $15,000 Bichon Frise snatched from SFO: Ryland, a championship show dog, was just swiped (dognapped?) from the loading area of a cargo building in SF International Airport. So if you see a barking ball of fluff in the back of a Toyota 4Runner, you can collect a $5,000 reward for this valuable Bichon Frise, a type of dog that my fiancee informed me is not pronounced "bitch on fries."
  
  Why is this story interesting to me? Four reasons:
  
  1. According to this article, the original dog owners "called in a psychic" who gave them "the exact same description of the person who took him as the people at the airport." Is it safe to conclude that show dog owners are the least sane of all human species?
  
  2. I once made a snowman who looks exactly like the dog above.
  
  3. Apparently, people in the bay area love grabbing Bichon Frises. Remember the road rage incident in 2000 in which a San Jose man grabbed a dog out of a woman's minivan and killed the dog by throwing it onto the highway? That was a Bichon Frise.
  
  4. The prized canine was headed for his new owner in Peking, China. [Insert inappropriate joke here about how the dog escaped because he thought his new owner was going to eat him.]
  
  If you need more 411 on Bichon Frises, check out the Bichon Frise Information Station, which serves "the worldwide Bichon Frise community." You can even participate in their Bichon Frise quilt project. Last one to cross-stitch is a rotten egg!
  

• Critical (m)ass: If I wrote a book on the art of successful political protests, you would find no mention of yesterday's World Naked Bike Ride in SF (and around the world), which featured nude cyclists showcasing the "destructive effects of car culture." As much as I support this international coalition of activist nudists, their protest ensures that I will never rent a bike, out of fear of becoming infected from the fecal residue left by Rainbow Brite-ass (above). By the way, if nude prunes pedaling give you a Schwinn, this is your site.
  



• Scott Peterson is still the ladies' man: According to this report, new San Quentin inmate Scott Peterson, who recently shaved off all his hair, receives dozens of letters from women on a daily basis. Five have even asked for his hand in marriage. This means that a bald homicidal promiscuous death-row felon with no chance of parole received more romantic attention over the course of two months than I did during my entire conviction-free life. Sad.

--Junichi

MTV MOVIE AWARDS RECAP

Tom Cruise forces another young girl to be his fake Scientologist girlfriend

While I am not necessarily admitting that I spent three hours of my life watching MTV tonight, here are some highlights of their movie awards:

* MTV gave Napoleon Dynamite the award for "Best Movie," which I think is a great choice, except for the fact that the film was produced by -- surprise, surprise -- MTV Films. I guess MTV can do whatever they feel like they want to ... gawwwwsh!

* MTV kissed the posterior of Tom Cruise with a "Generation" award and fellated him with a massive clip collage of all his movies. But when Katie Holmes, the object of his platonic affections, presented him with the big award, not a single person in the audience rose to their feet. That's gotta be humbling. Even Chewbacca and Clint Howard, previous MTV Movie Award lifetime winners, got standing ovations.

* During the "live" pre-taped pre-show (oxymoron alert!), guest interviewer Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan kept teasing each other about how skinny they looked. I hope that they're making fun of the tabloid articles noting their atrophied frames, and not serving as poster childs for bulimarexia or cocaine. Regardless, why would somebody who looked like this choose to emaciate themselves to look like this or this. Pretty soon, she's going to look like this. Eat up, ladies!

* Joe Crack (aka Fat Joe) was another guest interviewer on the red carpet. Given the show wasn't live, MTV edited his interviews down to about 3 minutes of airtime, of which half was of him plugging his upcoming album (probably a contract requirement) and 30 seconds was him chatting up Jessica Simpson about Proactiv acne management system! Nice.

* Speaking of Nick Lachey's future ex-wife (could the newlyweds look any less in love?), it's amazing how someone as attractive as Jessica Simpson, with the right makeup and orange spray-on tan, can look like a Stepford raccoon.

* I realize we're not supposed to take the MTV Movie Awards seriously, but, c'mon -- a 20-year tribute to the Breakfast Club? Even D-list stars Emilio Estevez, a no-show, and Judd Nelson, who left early, recognized that this was an asinine idea. (Now if Emilio and former wife Paula Abdul reunited, that would make great television.) By the way, thanks, Yellowcard, for desecrating that Simple Minds classic!

* I appreciate Ryan Gosling's calling attention to genocide in Darfur, albeit in the form of a T-shirt he wore while accepting his award for Best Kiss. His token activism, however, still doesn't wash away my bitterness over the fact that MTV wouldn't let Nine Inch Nails perform with a backdrop of an unedited picture of George W. Bush.

--Junichi

WHO BUYS HIP-HOP?

"Is this the new Z-Ro? Alright, score!"
I admit - I haven't had a chance to read Bakari Kitwana's new book yet, but I did talk with Joe Schloss about it and one of the chapters he found compelling was where Bakari disputes the oft-repeated "fact" that "70% of hip-hop consumers are white." From what I understand of Bakari's argument, he tries to track down the source of this truism and discovers, actually, no one is quite sure where it started from but once it did, it acquired a life of its own and has entered into the realm of "common sense" - unquestioned and unchallenged.

As it turns out, Bakari isn't the only person interested in this statistic. Back in May, the Wall St. Journal published a very similar article that examines the same issue except, in the case of author Carl Bialik, he discovers that going by what data-measuring services are out there (namely Mediamark Research Inc., and not SoundScan, who doesn't track racial information, despite assumptions otherwise), as it turns out, the percentage of rap buyers in 1996, 1999 and 2001 were indeed, white. However, Bialik goes on to say that when MRI changed their data collecting methods - asking people to self-identify by race instead of having the collectors make that determination (what do they use? A color wheel? Genealogy charts?), the number of white consumers actually slipped to 60%. (What I'd like to know is where did that other 10-15% go? To African Americans? Latinos and Asians? Other?) (BTW, there's some follow-up questions in a later Journal column that pertains to this one.)

If you stop and think about this, there are several implications and additional questions that get raised (and I, for one, would like to know what Bakari makes of the WSJ column since obviously, his chapter was written months, if not years, before).

For example, why does this matter? For a moment, let's go back to presuming the 70% stat was, in fact true. This could serve one of two purposes (at least):

1) It's "proof" that hip-hop has crossed over into the mainstream, though I hardly think we needed quantitative data to prove that point. However, they wa I've seen the statistic used is to help people argue that hip-hop is no longer "just a black thing" but has become part of the fabric of multicultural American life.

There's a certain naivete that comes with that conclusion unless people are willing to add: "hip-hop is popular but Black people still aren't." So much for the brave new multicultural world then. I just got off the phone with Jeff who also pointed out that a corollary to this would be that since white kids are the dominant consumer base, then record companies don't need to take Black community interests or desires into mind. Take this argument a little further and you arrive at:

2) It's "proof" that if hip-hop has gone to hell in a handbasket, it's not because the Black youth community has decided to embrace sex, drugs, violence and general nihilism, it's because that's what voyeuristic white kids want and since white kids are the main consumer demographic, record labels push their albums to fill that consumer desire.

While not a contradiction of Point 1, this argument has been used to explain why conscious rap is dead, dead, dead and why pimps, players and hustlers have become the new norm, and that, behind it all, it's white kids to blame. The unspoken corollary, as I just noted, is that more or less absolves the Black community from having to take responsibility for the content of "Black music" (whatever that term actually means these days).

Which Point you're more lenient towards probably also has to do with what you think of hip-hop right now. If you think rap music is still the greatest, coolest thing ever, then Point 1 only bolsters your case that hip-hop is en fuego and then some. On the other hand, if you think rap music has gone to doo doo, Point 2 is your back-up.

There's also a simpler Point 3 which could be made: hip-hop buying patterns are largely reflective of the American population at large, though as the Journal points out, if only 60% of rap consumers are white, then that's far under their actual population rate in the U.S. (which is 78%).

I'm putting out two questions for discussion.

A) How can one accurately determine this statistic anyways? Does MRI take into account records sold out the back of someone's trunks? This is where SoundScan, for example, is limited: it can only tracks sales through retail stores but doesn't take into account distribution methods that go outside of retail (and these are only getting bigger)? How do you model research like this?

B) Why does it matter? I think this is the question Bakari is getting at: why do we want/need to know what the demographic breakdown is of rap consumers? Is it to push across Points, 1, 2 or 3? Or for some other reason?

---

Already got a response via email from a grad student at Cal State L.A., pointing out that what's being ignored here too are int'l sales:

"Pertaining to your last posting on the consumer demographics of rap purchases, there is also one very important area of purchasing power that always seems to be ignored: the global market. What is the actual impact of global sales among rap music? Which countries have had a strong foothold on this and what are the cultural impacts amongst the listener affecting their radio playlists?

We here in this country always seem to place our "voice" as the overbearing opinion maker (obviously our construction and overwhelming creation of the vocal element of Hiphop has a lot to do with it, but still....), but I tend to argue that sure, Hiphop is a multicultural fabric within our society now...but what about the world's impact and effect? I personally have traveled throughout Central America/Mexico and I could not believe the appetite the youth have had for rap music. For instance in Belize last September, I witnessed b-boys doing their thing amongst "G-unit" clones in literally the backcountry in the western mountain hills. I was floored. In my travels through Mexico, Hiphop is alive and well. Surprisingly, in Cuba, I couldn't believe the knowledge base of not only the youth, but 30-something people (my age group) who questioned and asked about this music's 80's heyday that I believe our youth here in America have neglected to hear and basically understand. Within the Multicultural Studies of Hiphop I believe we are bearly scratching the surface of ethnography on such issues because I truly believe the importance is beyond what is East/West Coast, but what is transgressing over seas in the culture beyond our borders."

My response: I hear you but I don't think the global market is making a big difference in how record labels OR artists strategize their music-making, not yet at least. That's reflective of America's cultural exports in general: we operate with the assumption that we're the center of the universe and that whatever we put out, people want. The fact that you have backcountry Belize kids rocking G-Unit gear would seem to bear that out actually. On the other hand, you do have to be rather amazed at the idea that some kid in Nicaragua is rocking a "Free Tony Yayo" shirt right now.

---

And just add an additional layer here...as Mark points out in the comments to this post, the term "consumption" is ill-defined since "consumption" is typically thought of an actual cash-for-item exchange and doesn't include, for example, the ways in which certain albums get passed around via bootlegs, radio, parties, and these days, MP3s of course (though given the racial gap in technological access, one might argue that MP3 distribution would skew even more White but that's another issue).

However, this brings us back to the second question I left with: what does this all mean? What if you could measure the overall popularity of hip-hop - in any form, purchased or not - and that it showed that there were far more non-white listeners than previously presumed? Yet, if the cash register is still coming up "white consumer," is this where the most important act of "consumption" is taking place, as far as the music industry is concerned?

By the way - one also wonders how radio and video consumption factors in here and whether Clear Channel or MTV is able to gauge who their audience is, demographically speaking? I assume they have entire marketing depts devoted to this.

--O.W.

ON JESUS JUICE & THE CRUCIFIXION OF THE KING OF POP

They're out to get you, Michael. Better leave while you can.

I don't know whether Michael Jackson is guilty.

But I do know that if I were a juror, I would vote to acquit him.

Like a record store clerk asked to lift up Jay-Z's debut album, the prosecution's flimsy case raises reasonable doubt.

Read carefully. Most people think that the alleged order of events is as follows: (1) Michael molested Gavin Arvizo, a 12-year-old cancer survivor, (2) the Bashir documentary aired, (3) local authorities began an investigation into his relationship with the boy, and then, finally, (4) he imprisoned the family until he could coerce them into denying, on camera, that anything ever happened.

They would be wrong.

According to the prosecution's own version, here's the correct order: (1) the Bashir documentary aired, (2) local authorities began an investigation, (3) Michael imprisoned the family, and then -- after all this -- (4) he began molesting the boy.

That's right. The first alleged instance of molestation took place after Michael Jackson was being investigated for molestation.

I understand that "Captain E.O." seems to lack judgment, if not common sense or grounding in reality. I know that sexual predators can't help when they prey upon their victims.

But does anybody really believe that asexual Michael Jackson -- with his handlers and staff of dozens -- would be investigated for sexual molestation by authorities and appear in a documentary suggesting improper behavior ... and then follow that up by actually molesting the child for the first time?

Rolling Stone magazine, one of the few mainstream publications that devoted a serious article to this case, brilliantly boiled down the prosecution's case as follows:

"In a panic over negative publicity, Jackson conspires to kidnap a boy and force him to deny acts of molestation that in fact never happened, and then he gets over his panic just long enough to actually molest the child at the very moment when the whole world is watching."

On top of the questions this raises, why didn't Gavin and his family immediately call the police after Gavin received the alleged reach-arounds?

*

While the molestation claims have some evidential support, the false imprisonment charges are more ludicrous and specious than Tom Cruise's claims to love Katie Holmes. After the prosecution rested, I'm surprised that the judge didn't dismiss the imprisonment claims or, at least, fart in their general direction.

Hell, I would love to be "falsely imprisoned" if it means I get a complementary outlet shopping spree for new clothes worth over a thousand dollars, a free Will Ferrell movie, a $175 steak dinner for me and my co-captives at Black Angus, a manicure, a wax, and my capturer picking up the tab for the removal of my son's braces. OK, maybe I won't love the wax job.

I wonder if Gavin's mother, Janet Jackson (nee Janet Arvizo, not to be confused with Michael's sister Janet Jackson, whose name ain't baby, regardless of whether you're nasty), was treated just as well during the two other times she alleged false imprisonment -- once against her ex-husband and once against a pair of security guards at a JC Penney, who stopped her after finding her son in the store parking lot with stolen merchandise.

Is it possible that one person has the bad luck of being falsely imprisoned not once, not twice, but three times? Would any higher power allow this to actually happen to a family with a cancer-stricken boy ... other than the God of Sadism or, perhaps, Dick Cheney?

Most incredibly, during the period of alleged imprisonment, the Arvizo family repeatedly returned to Neverland, after having plenty of opportunities to call for help (but never doing so).

If it sounds like I'm saying that the Arvizo family is a conniving troupe of con-artist hell-bound miscreants, then your hearing needs to be checked, because I'm not talking out loud.

But you would be correct, in my opinion, to conclude that this family is predatory, scheming, and capable of exploiting Gavin's illness to dig gold from countless celebrities like Chris Tucker (who got suckered into paying for plane tickets to Florida) and George Lopez.

Let's face it. If you were desperate for millions of dollars, the first thing you would do is send your kids to play at Neverland, and the next day, accuse Michael Jackson of sexually molesting your children.

What better target could you find than a rich millionaire with a Peter Pan complex who publicly admits sleeping in bed with kids after being previously accused of sexual molestation?

It would be an astropotamus travesty, of course, if Gavin is telling the truth and Michael Jackson walks scot-free.

But it would be an even bigger miscarriage of justice if MJ is innocent but sentenced to decades in prison, while the Arvizo family successfully sues him for millions of dollars.

*

As for my prediction, I think the jury is going to take another week to milk the attention and set up book deals. Then, after crushing the skepticism of the lone objective juror with threats of more "Beat It" jokes, the jury will find Michael Jackson guilty of all the molestation charges (but acquit him of the false imprisonment claims).

Call me high on Jesus Juice, but I believe MJ's eventual conviction is, sadly, a foregone conclusion. Most Americans believed the King of Pop was guilty before the trial even began. This is evidenced by the fact that the media, as well as we the people, decided not to treat his trial as an actual legal proceeding to determine his guilt, but rather, a celebrity freak-show carnival.

While OJ and Scott Peterson's trials were also media spectacles, their cases frequently engendered real news analysis dissecting the evidence against them. But as for Jacko, most news coverage of his trial has largely been limited to whether Macaulay Culkin would testify or what porn magazines were found in Neverland Ranch or what pajamas he wore to court.

Where were the court analysts discussing the legal standard for false imprisonment? Why didn't news magazines report on how the pattern of these alleged facts relate to other child abuse cases? What seasoned court observers actually discussed whether the prosecution met its burden of proof?

Meanwhile, the jurors clearly have no chance of remaining objective. This USA Today article reveals that jurors watched Jay Leno's Tonight Show on the night that he openly made countless jokes about Jackson's pedophilia -- and the judge doesn't care. Regardless of whether they've been following the rules of avoiding news coverage, any juror with a mental capacity above vegetative has heard enough to conclude that Michael Jackson is a pedophile.

*

Again, I don't know if Michael Jackson is guilty.

I don't know what goes through the mind of a sexual predator, nor do I know the pain of being one of his victims.

I don't know all the evidence against Michael Jackson; E! Network's reenactments of court testimony were as close as I got to the trial.

For all I know, MJ might be a really, um, smooth criminal. And if he is, he should be punished, treated, and forced to listen to all his awful duets with Paul McCartney, which, I say say say is the very dog-gone definition of hell.

But based on what I do know -- the conflicting testimony, the questionable credibility of the prosecution witnesses, the lack of any DNA evidence, and the overwhelming evidence of the Arvizos' ulterior motives -- I submit that there is very reasonable doubt as to MJ's guilt.

Which is to say, Michael Jackson deserves to walk free. Or, perhaps, moonwalk free.

--Junichi

RANDOM BLIPS

caught? can I get a witness?

I hear Kim's Video in the East Village got raided by RIAA today - store shut down, people arrested - all for selling mixtapes? Say it isn't so.

What I don't get is that if RIAA wanted to bust down illegal mixtapes, they could have just rolled down to Canal St. and knocked the whole block. Why Kim's? If I were the folks running Amoeba, I'd be sweating right now.

UPDATE: I read this over at Soulstrut.com:

"they got raided for mix cds. an undercover cop bought a G-Unit mix, then a few minutes later a bunch of detectives rolled in and arrested all the employees who were behind the counter when the sale happened and 2 managers and took them to jail overnight. the cops confiscated all the mix cds. i'm guessing some djs will get cease and desist letters from the RIAA but that is just speculation."

Jazzbo breaks down the history of screwed and chopped for MTV.com. No word on whether this article is better read while on syzurp.

Not that I don't appreciate the NY Times for reporting on judicial nominee Janice Rogers Brown comparing liberalism with slavery (yeah, you read that right) but might not this have been more useful information, say, three weeks ago?

I need a late pass but a few weeks back, SF/J declared war on music industry policies that hoard advances and force writers to attend listening sessions instead. Apparently, Wired has joined into this policy - now it's just a matter of getting everyone else out there to agree. Can someone ring up Vibe, XXL and Rolling Stone and get them to co-sign too?

Speaking of lateness, oh yeah, Jin retired. For Asian American rappers, it's like...2001 again. Same s---, different day.

More bloggage: The Pacific Standard. My man Rawj's new blog, reporting on hip-hop happenings around the Bay and nationally.

Did Common dis Nas on "Chi-City"?. As proof, Sootser points out the following verses:

"As I was listening to Be for the trabillionth time I thought I heard something.
I rap with the passion of Christ, nigga cross me (1)
Took it out of space and niggaz thought they lost me (2)
I'm back like a chiroprac' with b-boy survival rap
It ain't ninety-fo' (3) yo we can't go back
The game need a makeover
My man retired, I'ma takeover (4)
Tell these halftime (5) niggaz break's over.
Does that look like a subliminal shot at God's Son to you?

1. Maybe the whole Hate Me Now thing with Diddy?
2. Nothing to do with the subject, I just thought it was funny he had a little go at Miss Badu.. or the way he was while with her kinda.
3. The year Illmatic dropped.
4. His man? Jigga? Takeover sounds right.
5. Halftime, a track on Illmatic."

To start with the most obvious observation: 1994 is also the year Resurrection dropped and we all know that Common's fans have been clamoring for another Resurrection since. I'm surprised no one pointed that out already. Moreover, when I interviewed Common last month:
1) He cited "NY State of Mind" as a song he wish he had written.
2) He cited Nas as an artist he'd like to record with.

Verdict: Rashid heart Nasir. No beef here.

Has anyone read Bakari Kitwana's new book on white folk in hip-hop? Can I get the Cliff's Notes until I can cop my own copy?

--O.W.

THE DEATH OF R&B

who stole the soul?
I know I look like I'm interviewing to be Mark Anthony Neal's publicist but it's not my fault Mark's insanely prolific and notable with his quotables. He recently wrote this essay for Popmatters.com (yes, see, they do have good content): Rhythm and Bullshit?: The Slow Decline of R&B.

First of all, let me just point out that this is what public intellectual work should ideally look like: it's not just about stating an opinion (even a provocative and articulate one), it's also about demonstrating that you've done your homework, that you possess a body of knowledge that you are contributing to, that you pay attention to the larger conversations out there. Hell, I don't meet this standard most of the time but Mark doesn't half step.

The way the essay opens - even with just the title - you might think you're in for another, "music isn't good like it was back in the day" rant but instead, Mark quickly establishes where he's coming from and where he's headed. In short, his essay looks at the structural changes in the music industry since the 1970s and how this has shifted the course of popular music, transforming "soul" - as the embodiment of Blackness - into "R&B", moving away from the black gospel and blues tradition, into a more deracialized, crossover aesthetic. Here's a few choice passages:

"Hip-hop may have sold out, but at least it has sold out on its own terms. R&B, on the other hand, has sold out on somebody else's, on a pop-chart paper chase."

"The current state of R&B comes not from a sudden decline, but a process more than 30 years in the making.This story begins in 1972, when a few enterprising master's students at the Harvard Business School prepared a study, commissioned by one of Columbia's execs, detailing how the Columbia Records Group could better integrate the then largely independent black music industry into the mix. The now infamous Harvard Report -- officially known as "A Study of the Soul Music Environment" -- has often been referred to as a sinister blueprint aimed at arming a litany of "culture bandits" with the theoretical tools to return black culture to a neo-colonial state." [Note: I need to read this]

"What those MBA students articulated was a no-brainer marketing plan, informed by the commercial success of Motown and the cynical (though not mistaken) view that the Civil Rights "revolution" likely had more to do with the realities that black folk had disposable income and white folk consumed a hell of a lot of black popular culture than anything to do with real structural change in American society."

"The term R&B is essentially a shortened version of "Rhythm & Blues", but as a novice might discern, that which is called R&B bears little resemblance to the musical landscape created by Ruth Brown, Louis Jordan, Laverne Baker, Charles Brown and the Coasters...R&B was essentially a marketing ploy...born out of competing logics -- record companies tried to negotiate the realities of black culture and identity within the history of race relations in America while trying at the same time to reach a wider audience of black consumers and white record buyers."

"As R&B began to be viewed as the quintessence of upscale blackness, the more gritter aspects of black popular music...began to disappear from the program list of some urban radio outlets in the late 1970s."

"...what the report details is the blueprint for the black boutique label -- essentially based on a model of neo-colonialism, where an imperialist power exploits the raw materials and talents of its satellites under the pretense that such satellites are autonomous."

Sound provocative? Read the rest.

--O.W.

ROLL 'EM UP

intelligent design

Is the Game out of his mind? The 50 Cent/Game beef is back on, this time with the Game trying to pull some Jay-Z-like antics at Summer Jam by taking some swipes at 50. Believe me, I'm not rooting for either side exactly - both artists aren't exactly handling their business that wisely but in this case, Game might as well walk up to an ATM and withdraw a beatdown on himself. Didn't he read this month's new XXL?

Mark Anthony Neal reviews Common's Be. I respect the good Dr. Neal but I have to differ: while I admired what Common was trying to do on Be, song for song, the album never hit the right stride until the end. I loved "Be," definitely was into "The Corner," but "Go" is just plain terrible - a corny song with a corny hook and corny beat. Period. Both "Faithful" and "Testify" had great production but weak lyrics and "Love" isn't nearly as inane as "Go" but it comes close. "Chi City" was surprisingly dull and I don't know why they replaced the studio version of "The Food" with the tinny, lo-fi live version recorded on The Chappelle Show. Big disappointment. The last three songs were fantastic: loved "Real People," "They Say" and "It's Your World Pt. 1" was great but "Pt. 2" (with Pop's rap) was unlistenable. That's 4.5 great songs vs. 6.5 that I'd sooner skip past. Not exactly Illmatic.

Joe Schloss on why hip hop doesn't suck. He also makes this statement: "Anyone who calls themselves a "hip-hop intellectual" should be both hip-hop and intellectual. That means minimal proficiency in at least 2 hip-hop expressive arts (Since I’m a nice guy, I’ll even count writing as one) and the ability to address reasonable counter-arguments to any statement you make without getting pissed off, frustrated and/or shook." (Just for the record, I've never identified myself as a "hip hop intellectual" - it always struck me as a way to pigeonhole yourself unnecessarily. Even the most ardent hip-hop fans I know have interests and pursuits outside of the music and culture. I do, however, aspire one day to call myself a "Katamari intellectual.")

Davey D offers up his Top 10 list of hip-hop's greatest albums in two parts (so far. He's only up to #5). Nothing too left-field though his #8 is Lauryn Hill's solo album which I don't think deserves to chart that high. And Tupac wouldn't be on my Top 10 in any position. He's an artist whose career and impact may have been transcendent but his albums rarely were.

My man Joey passed this along to me - it's about Music For Robots (the audioblog) and their new CD. I'm biased of course since I consider the MFR folks colleagues (even if their daily hits squash Soul-Sides.com) and it's instructional to see how their CD is moving since I've been planning on dishing out some mix-CDs of my own.

--O.W.

COLDPLAY VS. BLACK EYED PEAS

This week's big music question will be: who will get worse reviews? Coldplay's X and Y or Black Eyed Peas' Monkey Business?

Credit the NY Times with offering Round 1, with Jon Pareles crapping all over Coldplay while today, Kalefa Sanneh mashes the Black Eyed Peas. And Neil Drumming deserves credit as the first major critic to take a swing at Monkey Business.

It's tempting to say that critics hate both these artists because they sell well and while there are many examples of where criticism and populism are estranged, in this case, the main offense is that both groups lack offense. People find them incredibly boring, not to mention intellectually insipid, though Coldplay gets extra special points for also being maudlin. Some highlights:

Pareles on Coldplay, whom he calls "the most insufferable band of the decade":

"...the tunes straddle the break between his radiant tenor voice and his falsetto. As he hops between them - in what may be Coldplay's most annoying tic - he makes a sound somewhere between a yodel and a hiccup. And the lyrics can make me wish I didn't understand English."

"In its early days, Coldplay could easily be summed up as Radiohead minus Radiohead's beat, dissonance or arty subterfuge."

"...from the beginning, Coldplay has verged on self-parody. When he moans his verses, Mr. Martin can sound so sorry for himself that there's hardly room to sympathize for him, and when he's not mixing metaphors, he fearlessly slings clichés."

Drumming on The Peas:

"I've come around to viewing the Black Eyed Peas' worldwide success as a comfort — rather than a sign of the apocalypse."

"...the Black Eyed Peas on their fourth album, Monkey Business, once again declare no, no, no — rap need not be threatening. In fact, edge has nothing on familiarity."

...when MCs will.i.am, apl de ap, and Taboo get topical, the result is laughable pseudo-profundity."

And finally, Sanneh on the Peas:

"Perhaps it was inevitable that a group like this would eventually emerge, peddling an energetic but inoffensive variant of hip-hop. But did we have any way of knowing that the results would be so unpleasant?"
[Note: doesn't "energetic but inoffensive" hip-hop go all the way back to the old school? Did I miss Kurtis BlowWonder Mike rapping all about crack, guns and prostitutes? Actually, maybe I did.]

"These folks can make even a race riot sound dull."

"Their verses are often hobbled by rigid metrical schemes and overeager enunciation, which means the lyrics lack the one thing they need most: someplace to hide."

"Fergie also co-stars in the track most likely to live in infamy: it's called "My Humps," and it requires her to declare, "You love my lady lumps." Uh-oh. Sounds like someone may have just earned herself a singularly unpleasant new nickname."

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #9

No Pain, No Gain for Anti-Abortion Causes

This Week's Question:

What company/business do you most steadfastly boycott or avoid?

--Junichi

PLAYING CATCH UP

wait until see the jabba made from jello
I liked Junichi's way of breaking down stories by its media so I'm just going to jack it.

WEB-O-RAMA

• New blogs from two of the smartest dudes I know, especially when it comes to music. 1) Soul Imperialist by professor, ethnographer, and illmatic b-boy, Joseph "Non Compos Mentis Legs" Schloss. Act like you knew about his book Making Beats: The Art of Sample-Based Hip-Hop. Joe's site has only been up a few weeks but he's already dropping nuggets of wisdom on the nature of doing research on culture. Seriously, Joe is going to be one of the finest scholars in our generation, no question.
  
  
• Meanwhile, Mark Anthony Neal has already established himself as one of the finest scholars of our generation and now he's dropping science vis á vis his new blog, The New Black Man, which happens to also be the title of his new book. People have sometimes described me as a prolific writer but Mark makes me look comatose. He writes more articles and books in one year than many could hope to do in a lifetime and with his blog, he's covering even more ground. For example, I didn't realize that Mark Felt, aka Deep Throat, was also a prominent mover and shaker with the FBI's COINTELPRO, until Mark broke it down. Looks like when Felt wasn't busy leaking info about Nixon to the Post he was helping bring down Leftist organizations the Hoover way.
  
  
• How blogging solved a murder. Unfortunately, the victim was the blogger. Spooky.
  
  
• On the Internet, the past is always present.
  
  
• An oldie but a goodie, especially with all the recent Star Wars fervor being kicked off again: Man makes a life-size replica of Han Solo frozen in carbonite. From Legos.. Blows the mind. doesn't it?

SPORTING NEWS

• Kareem teaches Chinese b-ballers how to trash talk. Looks like the Big Man is taking it back to his Game of Death days with his Afro-Asian cultural connections.

BOOKS

• We might be overrun in blogs, but I like certain applications of it. For example, the authors of this year's hot pop theory book, "Freakonomics : A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything" have started a blog where they can continue the conversations started in the book. This isn't a revolutionary idea, per se, but I think it's a remarkably smart way to give their writing and theories a life that extends beyond just the moment of publishing. The only problem is - for many authors, by the time their books come out, they're so sick of it, they just want to get onto the next project. I'm glad these two are making the most of their time in the spotlight - check it, they've got a monthly column in the NY Times Sunday Magazine. (Is Malcolm Gladwell out there thinking, "damn, why didn't I think of that?") I also just realized that Levitt is only five years older than me. Damn, I need to get my hustle on.
  
  
• "More Sex, Less 'Joy'": the new sex ed hits bookshelves.

BUSINESS

• eBay (tries) to capture the Chinese market: hey, 1.5 billion potential customers is enough to make any company drool but as my friend Ling Liu reports, eBay's got some competition brewing in the Middle Kingdom.

ANIMALS

• Is S.F. going to ban pit bulls? This is in response to the death of a 12-year old by the two family pitbulls. This literally happened down the block from where I live - I came out the door one afternoon and there were three helicopters floating above and crazy traffic was being diverted up my street. Apparently, SFPD was looking for a potential third dog (there turned out not to be one).

--O.W.

TAKING A SLAP AT RAP'S POLITICS

It Takes an "Evil Government" To Hold Him Back
An essay on Popmatters.com recently caught my eye: Ben Rubenstein's "The Message". In it, he lambasts hip-hop for its poor political style. He finds rap's rhetoric too angry and dogmatic, thereby discouraging open dialogue, unlike what his white, suburban parents taught him was the proper way to debate in a liberal society.

I had a far, far longer critique but my Zen master, Budd(hua) Hsu, instructed me to "build, not destroy. If you do choose destroy, destroy someone worth destroying," clearly feeling that going after Rubenstein full-bore was a waste of effort. Still, while I shelved my 3000 words annihilation of this column, I still felt like something needed to be said so I will content myself with pointing out some of the more egregious errors and arguments and leave it to the reader to plumb the rest.

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...

1) Rubenstein writes, "Politics and hip-hop go hand in hand, and it doesn't stop at choosing sides in the Biggy-2Pac feud."

That's B-I-G-G-I-E, not "Biggy."

2) Rubenstein offers up a hip-hop song that does politics right: Grandmaster Flash's "The Message," and writes about how "Flash goes on to paint a picture of his upbringing in the ghetto."

Rubenstein seems unaware that Flash isn't painting a single word on this (or any other) song: he's not a rapper, he's a DJ. That is not an obscure detail, any more then knowing that Coltrane played a sax and John Bonham was a drummer. On "The Message," Melle Mel and Duke Boottee share vocal duties. It's also worth noting that Flash himself hated "The Message," never wanted it released under his name and has basically disavowed it after Sylvia Robinson went over his head and put it out anyways.

3) Rubenstein also adds that "The Message," "screams of a culture of poverty the likes of which many of today's hip-hop listeners cannot comprehend."

I'm not making this up. He actually writes this.

4) He also writes, "as hip-hop continues to grow as a cultural phenomenon and expands its scope beyond the inner-city audience, those artists who offer their apocalyptic visions by way of overstatement and caricature will likely find their voices falling a bit flat."

Contradiction alert: He assumes here that hip-hop's core audience is still inner-city but he just wrote that most of today's hip-hop listeners can't comprehend "a culture of poverty." Ergo, according to Rubenstein, people in the inner city can't comprehend a culture of poverty.

In any case, hip-hop expanded its scope beyond the inner-city audience around 1986 ("Raising Hell") and cemented that reality by 1992 ("The Chronic"). Not coincidentally, hip-hop also largely stopped offering "apocalyptic visions" around the same time which is precisely why a vocal contingent of rap fans (Greg Tate, holla) have wrung their hands ever since about the death of hip-hop's politics.

5) The problems with these next few graphs speak for themselves, especially in their patronizing and racialized presumptions:

"The urban black population has a history of being marginalized: its concerns are often not represented by the politicians we elect. After years of such treatment, a feeling of hopelessness and anger undoubtedly festers, and arguments for action, however simplistic, might be the only logical way out. What seems like simple fear-mongering to me might actually resonate with the rappers' desired audience. I was not taught to mobilize in such a way. The frame doesn't work for me, and it doesn't work for most of my peers."

"By placing politics on a more accessible level, artists like Public Enemy succeeded in speaking to those from similar backgrounds, those who may have grown up with street-corner politicians and evidence of suffering at every turn. But for those of us accustomed to politics and art taking a little more effort to interpret and decipher, political hip hop can seem a little sophomoric."

"This need for complexity may explain the meteoric rise of hip-hop collectives such as Oakland's Anticon and New York's Definitive Jux... Their mostly white audience revels in the insularity of their songs, struggling to decipher what they might mean, and thinking that the nuggets of truth they do find are all the more meaningful because of the search.... Of course, this style of hip-hop is often dismissed out of hand by urban, black fans, who feel it is nothing more than being weird for the sake of being weird."

How Rubenstein manages to mention race in passing yet not remotely talk about race in any meaningful way is astounding.

6) Rubenstein writes, "Ranting about an 'evil government,' as Public Enemy loved to do, ends up being just as abstract, and causes as much overreaction, as Reagan evoking the "Evil Empire" or President Bush evoking the 'axis of evil'".

Public Enemy has never, ever uttered the term "evil government" in any song they have ever recorded. For that matter, if you do a search for the term, "evil government" on the Online Hip-Hop Lyrics Archive, not one single hit comes up for any rap artist. You will, however, find plenty of references to "the white devil" and "cave bitches" but that's another issue.

What I find most lacking in Rubenstein's discussion of Public Enemy (who became his strawmen in this essay), it's that he misses the point. P.E. didn't become the most important rap group in the late 1980s because of their politics. They did it because of their style and attitude. If all it took to sell units on the street was to have a good speech, Farrakhan would be sporting platinum plaques on his mosque walls. P.E. electrified critics, fans, etc. because their sound and image was unlike anything else out there. Politics were part of their performance, not the other way around. Anyone who's ever listened to a Public Enemy album should be able to pick up on this straight away. Suggesting that Bob Dylan was sophisticated while P.E. were simplistic and dogmatic is nothing more than typical white noise supremacy.

7) Lastly, I'll just say that with Rubenstein's cor eargument, it'd take me another essay to point out how flawed, patronizing and racially reductionist it is but the main thing that should be said is this: why is he comparing the way he learned about politics in his class and racial community (apples) with the politics of a music form (oranges). It'd be one thing to compare the political style and rhetoric of politicians in the Upper East Side vs. Harlem but he's treating rap's politics as if they speak for either the inner city or the Black community. Rubenstein proceeds under the assumption that hip-hop embodies and reflects the politics of the Black community rather than realizing that the Black community has a politics all its own outside of whatever rappers are putting on record. In any case, woe unto anyone who expects a song to teach them about political reality. If I want to be fully invested in social change, the record store is not my first stop.

I also don't understand why he needs/expects hip-hop to have to speak to his (self-described) community of upper class, white colleagues. Social justice and social action rarely comes about because upper class, white people are convinced to join in. In anything, most social justice comes about DESPITE the presence of upper class, white people who, as a whole, have the most to lose with the redistribution of social power and equality.

---

By the way, by sheer coincidence, Tamara Nopper emailed this link to me right after I posted: Hold My Gold: A White Girl's Guide to the Hip-Hop World. Choice chapters include:

• Da Basix: Vocabulary, Grammar and Translation
  
• Yo' Crib: A Home for the Homeys
  
• Mad Ice & Crazy Skinz [the "z" is backwards, btw]: Clothing and Accesories

AMAZING. I need these authors' book agent, for real. Coming soon: Eyes Forever Chinky: The AZN Guide to the Hip-Hop World.

--O.W.

RANDOM RAVES

What would Jesus link?

I seem to be high these days. Maybe it's summer. Or my upcoming jaunt to the Big Apple. Or the new job offer. Or perhaps I drank too much champagne at Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau's (her former 6th grade student) recent wedding.

Or maybe there's just a lot worth raving about and recommending.

WEB:

• Church Sign Generator - If you always wanted to personalize a church's roadside sign to address your friend's hell-bound activities ... but you lack Photoshop skills, this is your site. See custom photo above. (Credit: the quarterwit)

• Gay-O-Meter - How gay are you? Unbeknownst to me, I am 53% gay.

• Crying While Eating - My life was not complete until I checked out this site, which features videos of people, well, crying while eating. Lindsay gets my vote; something about the way she eats waffles and drinks V8 amps up my sympathy for her. (Credit: Best Week Ever)

• Daily Dancer - If you are aroused by a pale doofus who dances to a different song every day, this site is straight-up, hardcore porn.

TV:

• Fox renews Arrested Development for a third season. There is a God. America, you have another few months to realize this is the greatest show on television. Catch up by reading this fansite and buying the Season 1 DVD.
  

• Wonder Showzen - This is easily the most subversive show on tv. Hiding on MTV2, it's practically waiting to be censored. I didn't think it was possible to squeeze more laughs out of foul puppets and children's show parodies after Team America, Avenue Q, TV Funhouse, and Crank Yankers. But this show is consistently fresh and mostly brilliant. "Beat Kids" is my favorite segment. The New York Times review includes more summaries. (Thanks for the heads up, Hank.)

• I continue to be mesmerized by Dance 360, a "You Got Served"-type dance contest where tween ballerinas do pirouettes while going "head to head" against thugged-out pop-and-locking pimp juniors. I met K-Sly (the show's resident DJ) a few weeks ago and asked her when they were going to let her spin actual hit songs. Apparently, the music budget is nonexistent, which I should have guessed from their grand prize: $360. Will somebody donate some beats to that show?
  

• Desperate Housewives finale - since O-Dub is apparently not into Teri Hatcher & company, I'd like to belatedly applaud the immensely satisfying season finale. My hats off to the writers for (1) making it look like they planned out all 23 episodes before the pilot, (2) setting up the next season, and (3) tying up necessary loose ends while still leaving a few cliffhangers. (Is Rex really dead?) Oh, and thanks for inviting Alfre Woodard to join the cast -- it's about time some black people moved on to Wisteria Lane!

• The Daily Show - check out this clip of Stephen Colbert (who's finally getting his own show) reporting on the First Lady's "midnight show" at the White House Correspondents' Dinner.

PRINT:

• Paul Rudnick on ugly children

MUSIC:

• The music on Grey's Anatomy: Yes, corporate radio, with its five-song playlists, have forced most of us to discover new music from unconventional sources like Mitsubishi commercials. (Ever heard of Telepopmusik's "Breathe" before the Outlander spots?) The latest music delivery option is ABC's Grey's Anatomy, which, like the OC, knows it's got a good soundtrack when its webpage includes pages dedicated to listing the songs used in each episode. Highlights include: "Edge of the Ocean" - Ivy, "Never Leave Your Heart Alone" - Butterfly Boucher, and "Naked As We Came" - Iron & Wine. (Thanks, Deemz & SHN!)
  

• Hip hop singles & remixes in 2005: the year's only half over, but I humbly submit that 2005 is shaping up to be a solid year for singles and remixes. For your consideration:

"Operator" - O.D.B. feat. Pharrell

"Corners (remix)" - Common feat. Mos Def & Scarface

"For The Nasty" - Q-Tip feat. Busta Rhymes

"Diamonds" - Kanye West

"Lose Control" - Missy Elliott f. Ciara & Fatman Scoop

"I'm A Hustler (remix)" - Cassidy feat. Mary J. Blige


"It's Like That" - Mariah Carey

"MVP (Hate It Or Love It (Remix))" - Mary J. Blige feat. The Game

"1 Thing (remix)" - Amerie feat. Jay-Z & Eve

"Signs" - Snoop Dogg. feat. Justin Timberlake & Charlie Wilson

"Wait" - Ying Yang Twins

--Junichi