SOUTH PARK JUNICHI

As you might imagine, I don't hear my name much on television.

But back in 2000, in the third season of South Park, Kyle recruits Kenny to become a "Jew Scout" and attend a scout camp called "Jewbilee." In one scene, the rabbi asks the new Jew Scouts to raise their hand and identify themselves. The camera flashes to an Asian kid with slanted eyes and buck teeth.

The character's name? Junichi. Or, Jew-nichi, I suppose.

I fell off my couch when I heard it. I thought I was hallucinating. Now that a clip is on YouTube, I can finally share with everybody.

Video below:



Unfortunately, the Junichi character never returned from collecting candles.

--Junichi

AMERIKKKA'S MOST SURREAL NIGHTMARE

house of pain called: they want their steez back

Rap's Captive Audience
Ex-con musicians with a white power message are using a sales method pioneered by some black artists: promoting their album in prison.
By Chris Lee, Times Staff Writer
September 27, 2006

...executives at the marketing firm RBC Records have been sending out bundles of Woodpile promotional material twice a month to several dozen of the group's incarcerated friends, supporters and family members.

As the thinking goes, Woodpile gets buzz in the prison yard that translates into positive word of mouth, spreading beyond penitentiary walls as prison visitors and released prisoners carry the gospel of Woodpile to the streets.

For Brian Shafton, an RBC partner, jailhouse marketing makes obvious sense. "Prisons are great because you have an incredibly captive audience that has a lot of entertainment time on its hands," Shafton said.

"These people are definitely influential, and not just in the prisons," he said. "A lot of these guys are still calling shots in the outside world. You look in some of these urban communities and you see some of these pimps and gangsters as the governors of the ghetto."

...It's ironic, perhaps, that a white-power group like Woodpile would turn to rap as the musical genre best suited to their expressions of their prison experiences. But the members of Woodpile — all ex-cons — say their music celebrates "white pride," not white supremacy. As the most forward face of the Woods gang (the name is a play on a slur for a white person: "peckerwood"), they characterize themselves as in opposition to such racist gangs as the Aryan Brotherhood and the Nazi Low Riders.

Ok, let's just get this straight: white power rap being marketed to prisoners. This is either evil or genius or both. Moreover, anyone still wondering about hip-hop's ability to "crossover" - here's all the proof you'll need. What next? The Confederate flag in African colors? (Memo to Lil Jon...)

--O.W.

REALITY = STRANGER THAN FICTION

in deep macaca
Seriously, how could the news around George Allen get any worse? At this point, all we'll need in some video of him clubbing disabled children with dead baby seals.

New 'N Word' Woe For George Allen

RICHMOND, Va., Sept. 26, 2006 (CBS/AP) A noted political scientist joined one of Sen. George Allen's former college football teammates in claiming the senator used a racial slur to refer to blacks in the early 1970s, a claim Allen dismisses as "ludicrously false."

Larry J. Sabato, one of Virginia's most-quoted political science professors and a classmate of Allen's in the early 1970s, said in a televised interview Monday that Allen used the epithet.

Sabato's assertion came on the heels of accusations by Dr. Ken Shelton, a radiologist who was a tight end and wide receiver for the University of Virginia in the early 1970s when Allen was quarterback. He said Allen not only used the n-word frequently but also once stuffed a severed deer head into a black family's mailbox.

Separately, the Washington Post reported that Christopher Taylor, 59, an anthropologist at the University of Alabama, said that during a visit to Allen's Virginia home in 1982, Allen referred to turtles in a pond on his property and said that only "the [racial slur] eat them."

Could this be some kind of Democratic version of the Swift Boat campaign? Possibly - stranger things have happened in American politics. But...a severed deer head? I don't think the Dems are creative enough to come up with even that (unless they've been watching The Godfather a lot).

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #75

Dropping science like girls be dropping babies

This Week's Question:

What is your favorite album cover from the 1990s?

--Junichi

DO NOT GET YOUR FREAK ON

Kids these days

Yesterday morning, I missed a townhall meeting in nearby Aliso Niguel High School (in the O.C.) where 700 parents (!) gathered to hear the school principal discuss how their children are "freaking" at school functions. The principal banned school dances because of what he referred to as "simulated sex," verging on sexual harassment. He even showed a video clip of two students freaking, which must've made at least two sets of parents cook up some instant colon brownies.

I wish I attended. I would've even paid admission! Sitting in that frenzied townhall meeting would've been like having a front row ticket to a virtual, interactive, live theatrical performance of Footloose: The Forbidden Dance.

(Last year, a similar crisis of unholy proportions occurred near my hometown in Lemoore, California where "freak dancing " had become a viral epidemic. A major crisis was averted only after mediators helped negotiate a compromise whereby students attending the Future Farmers of America's Sadie Hawkins Dance agreed to refrain from "freak dancing," as well as "lap dancing," "groping or fondling one another about the buttocks, genital area or breasts," "sandwich dancing," and "making out.")

To assist the principal at Aliso Niguel High School and other schools plagued with inappropriate dance moves, I have updated my template for school dancing regulations to help stamp out obscene behavior on the dance floor:

ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS:

1. Do not shake your body down to the ground, shake your booty, shake your rump, shake your thang, shake your bon bon, shake your moneymaker, or shake it like a saltshaker.

2. When another person comes around, please do not imitate the London Bridge or any form of architectural structure that is in the midst of going down.

3. Do not engage in "the twist," "the jitterbug," "the limbo," "the mambo," the "horizontal mambo," "the vertical mambo," "the Macarena," "the Tootsie Roll," "the butterfly," "the shopping cart," "the grind," "da butt," or "blow the whistle."

4. Do not loosen up your buttons. Instead, please keep frontin'.

5. Step back if you are dancing kinda close and you feel a little poke coming through.

6. Do not "put 'em on the glass," "back dat azz up," put "your head under her leg under your arm under her toe," "use your milkshake to bring the boys to the yard," "grab your **** if you love hip hop," or "rub your ******* if you love Big Poppa."

7. Do not use your lovely lady lumps to mix your milk with another person's cocoa puff or in any way create a milky, milky, cocoa puff-like substance.

8. Do not put your hand upon anyone's hip when you dip, I dip, or we dip.

9. In addition to refraining from sexually suggestive dancing, please also refrain from actual sexual intercourse on the dance floor.

10. When slow dancing, please create a distance of three feet between you and your partner.

--Junichi

WHO SAYS POSTING VIDEOS DOESN'T COUNT AS BLOGGING?

Little Superstar heartily disagrees.

--O.W.

POSTING YOUTUBE VIDEOS DOES NOT COUNT AS BLOGGING

I do not appreciate that one of the most clever and well-written shows on TV is rapidly becoming a soap opera. But I can't deny that I feel more invested in Pam and Jim's (potential) relationship than any other television couple, give or take the sexual tension between Bo and Luke.



I do not find most babies cute. But if your baby is a b.a.m.f. like the one in the above video, I would like to kidnap it and call him my son.



How have I been able to resist pot for over two decades? Thank you, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I speak your name. You have shown me that the world is a turkey and I am not a chicken.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #74

We all die in the end.

This Week's Question:

If it were up to you, would you like to be buried in the ground, underneath a tombstone inscribed with your name, after you die?

Related question: Is it just me, or are cemetery burials becoming archaic?

Bonus question: What would your tombstone say?

--Junichi

(POP)LICKING OURSELVES

As most of you should know, Junichi is the official "embedded" blogger for the Dixie Chicks. Back when he got this gig, after I managed to lift my jaw off the floor, I asked if I could interview him about going on the road with the group for the site: seems to me this is a pretty fascinating gig (to say the least) and personally, I had a ton of questions I was curious about.

Junichi said sure, after things settled down a bit and that brings us here. This interview was done over IM (and edited to be more readable) on Saturday night (shows you what kind of exciting lives we both lead). If you haven't seen the Dixie Chicks site and blog yet, check it out.

CONTINUE READING...

---

Oliver Wang.: Ok, to begin: How have you decided to spend your HBO loot? I'm eyeing a G4 Gulfstream myself.

Junichi Semitsu: I've decided to spend my HBO loot on HBO. I feel like it's not enough for me to have the basic HBO channel. I need HBO East, HBO Taxicab Confessions 24/7, and of course, HBO All-The-Wire-You-Can-Eat.

O.W.: Awesome. Ok, first real question: how's the Dixie Chicks gig going?

J.S.: By the way, this is my first time ever really engaging in an IM chat. So I feel like you're basically busting my AIM hymen. Can't you start off with a little more foreplay? Do I need to use chat abbreviations like LOL (Laughing Out Loud), TTFN (Ta-Ta For Now), and GMMSBQOW (Give me more soft ball questions, Oliver Wang)?

The gig is going great. I've learned more than I wanted to know about the music business, touring, obsessed fans, media interviews, and the makeup process. It's a bit exhausting, however, balancing that job with my teaching job, which started up a few weeks ago.

O.W.: Work load aside, has it been weird readjusting to "normal" work (as “normal” as academic work can be considered)?

J.S.: Yes. For example, I was in Toronto a few days ago for the Toronto Film Festival. I'm pretty sure I was the only one at the gala premiere who left the afterparty early to go back to the hotel and grade papers.

O.W.: How many of your students knew (or now know) about the gig? What has their reaction been?

J.S.: I think all my students from last year know about the gig because I mentioned it in class. Also, there was an article about me in the SD Union-Tribune over the summer, which many read. I have no idea how many of my current students know, however. Their reaction has largely ranged from indifference to "Can you score me backstage passes?" to "Here's my bluegrass demo tape."

O.W.: You don't show up to class in your "Man Ass" t-shirt?

J.S.: I definitely don't show up to class in my "Man Ass for the Dixie Chicks" shirt, although I have had many people at shows ask me if they can buy one.

O.W.: Let's return to the basics: how exactly did MSN find you for this gig? Had you ever posted on the Dixie Chicks (DC) before?

J.S.: Let's just say that a collection of incriminating photos of Bill Gates goes a long way.

O.W.: All it got me was a lousy beta-tester of the Zune player. It crashes all the time.

J.S.: There was a gentleman named Brad Wright at Microsoft who was in charge of content for this project. Initially, he found a reporter at a Seattle newspaper, but the Dixie Chicks rejected her, in part, because they were looking for somebody with a fresh perspective and not a professional journalist/critic. (This is all hearsay, of course.) So he literally started surfing the web, looking for somebody who could write about music and politics with a sense of humor that matched the Dixie Chicks. He stumbled upon Poplicks.

I've always suspected that he read some of your stuff but thought it was mine. I actually did a Google search to see whether I had ever written about the Dixie Chicks. And nope, I hadn't. But you had!

O.W.: I had?

J.S.: Yes. (It was probably back in the Pop Life days.)

O.W.: Damn, how come I'm not on tour then?

J.S.: If he did mistake the two of us, by the way, it will be the first time that I've appreciated that other people think all Asians are alike.

So Brad asked for some writing samples. Then, a few days before my wedding, I found out that I had been hired. In fact, I was hired without ever meeting a single person from Microsoft and without ever meeting the Dixie Chicks or anybody in their camp. They had no way of knowing that I wasn't a kleptomaniac or that I didn't hate Southern people or that I didn't suffer from a contagious form of explosive diarrhea.

O.W.: How many different cities have you been to since you started in the late spring?

J.S.: Probably 15. It's very weird to go to sleep in Pittsburgh and wake up in Boston, by the way.

O.W.: What's been the most interesting place you've gotten to visit so far?

J.S.: The truth is that I didn't get to take advantage of being in most cities. For example, when we were in Boston, I spent lots of time in the inside of the Fleet Center and then went to the Dunkin Donuts across the street to wolf down some donut holes. And that was it. It's the problem with having to constantly write and observe and write and observe.

I think being in Canada and London has been interesting because there definitely are some differences between Canadian, British, and American audiences. I've noticed the obvious demographic differences. There aren't many Asian Americans (descending from East Asia), for example, in the UK. Also, the Americans shout, while the Canadians shoat. Also, one of my biggest pet peeves in life is when a person can't figure out how to clap on the 2 and 4 (and clap on the 1 and 3 instead). I only noticed this problem in the states. American audiences are more likely to stand. British audiences are more likely to have men in the audience (although it's majority female in every city/country, for sure).

Also, when I was in Philadelphia, I wrote Duncan Black of Atrios (the progressive political blogger) on a whim. He happens to be a big fan of the Dixie Chicks. I took him and his wife out to dinner, which was great. We talked about Democratic candidates in 2008, which ended up being a depressing topic. But I was happy to engage in a little professional blogger networking, if you will.

O.W.: As the first "embedded blogger" what are your thoughts on the worth of such a position?

J.S.:, I think there is a lot of worth in the position to the extent that most artists are too busy to really communicate with fans. Also, when you're a band that keeps getting targeted (or lauded) as political rabblerousers, it's nice to have a blogger who can humanize you and cast you in different lights.

I would certainly create a blogger position for any band that is naturally funny or interesting to observe and keeps having issues with the way they're represented in the media. I will soon be available for hire, George Michael. And the Wu-Tang Clan. And Britney Spears. And Michael Jackson.

O.W.: I don't think Britney's hitting the stage again. Maybe Surreal Life.

J.S.: Speaking of Surreal Life, I can't believe that Flavor Flav is now more popular and arguably "powerful" than Chuck D.

O.W.: What's been the best experience you've had so far?

J.S.: When we were in Winnipeg, the Chicks decided to organize a post-show party that included a jam session. The "band" included members of the Dixie Chicks' band as well as opening act Bob Schneider's band. Natalie ended up forcing me to play keyboards, which I agreed to do only if she sang "Livin' on a Prayer." I also ended up accompanying her or Bob on "1999," "Blister in the Sun," "Sweet Child O' Mine," and "Billie Jean." Thank God I knew all those changes ahead of time.

O.W.: How about the worst experience?

J.S.: The worst was my first night on the tour bus. I was told that Rule #1 on the bus is that you can't go #2. This scared the crap out of me, although, thankfully, not literally. I couldn't sleep, in part, because I was on a moving bus, and also because I was worried that I'd force an entire parade of buses to pull over so I could drop a deuce. Apparently those expensive buses aren't equipped with grinders to deal with "solids".

O.W.: How have the DC treated you? By which I mean, this is a new thing: to have an embedded blogger. Did they know "what to do with you?"

J.S.: They've been very kind, very comfortable, to the point where they reveal some seriously disgusting/personal/embarassing details, trusting that I won't post that. It helped that they already had a documentary crew following them around for a few years.

One time, Natalie even invited me to join her (and one of the makeup guys) on the bus to play Yahtzee, for example. But that said, it still feels like a professional relationship. I'd be shocked if I got a call from any of them on my birthday.

O.W.: I heard an NPR story on the group where it was being suggested that they've more or less decided to move away from courting their hardcore country base and instead, look towards more crossover audiences - their changes to the tour schedule (less red states, more blue and Canadian dates) was supposed to be a sign of that. Would you say this is true?

J.S.: I think they look at it as the country base - especially country radio - has abandoned them. So they've definitely focused on other markets and other forms of media/promotion.

O.W.: Obviously, I can't speak - remotely - from the perspective of her former country base but what Natalie said would hardly be considered remotely controversial at this point in time, when a lot of folks are seriously questioning the Bush administration. Do you think it was bad timing? Or if the same thing had happened now, instead of before, do you think country fans/radio would have turned on them so bad? I'm also wondering if it's because they're women. That had it been, say, Garth Brooks (however unlikely) making a similar comment, far fewer would have made such an issue out of it.

J.S.: This is just my personal opinion: I think it was bad timing, plus the fact they're country singers, and to a lesser extent, the fact they're women. Unlike Natalie, I do think gender plays a role. There are male "progressive" country singers like Willie Nelson, but they get put in that "outlaw" category. But on the other hand, the Dixie Chicks were very opinionated and vocal before 2003 (See lyrics of "Goodbye Earl"), and yet, were still immensely popular. So it's hard to say.

Of course, "bad timing" suggests like it was a bad decision. Ultimately, I don't think the Dixie Chicks have regrets. While they've lost a lot of fans and suffered a lot of stress (death threats are never fun), they've also greatly benefited in exposure and earned a lot of new fans.

Jennifer Aniston called Bush a "f-ing idiot", I believe. One wonders what happened to the big Friends boycott of 2003 or the stomping on Office Space DVDs.

O.W.: So what do you have left?

J.S.: My contract now goes until December. So there are plenty more shows, media appearances (they'll be on the Ellen show and taping VH1 Storytellers next week), and some recording sessions.

J.S.: Hopefully, I can accompany them to some award shows, as well. I also have an arrangement to play Scrabble with Martie's husband, Gareth. Winner gets $100 per game.

O.W.: Were you at the VMAs?

J.S.: Are you kidding? I'd be shocked if there has ever been a Dixie Chicks video played on MTV unless Beavis was making fun of it. They're in a documentary, however, that has a good chance of getting nominated for best documentary. So I'm eyeing the Oscars, quite frankly.

So if you, Oliver, had been offered the Dixie Chicks gig? Would you have done it? It's hard for me being away from wife. I can't imagine how much harder it would be to be away from my daughter, as well. But then again, everybody needs a break from diaper duties.

Maybe one weekend, you can go my in my place, and we will see if anybody notices.

O.W.: That is a fine, fine question. On principle? Absolutely.

But in reality - it would have been very difficult for me to have left [my wife] Sharon to take care of our [daughter] Ella by herself. A kid changes a lot, especially a young one. I would have also been in the middle of my job process and that would have meant trying to start up a new job down in Long Beach while doing the Dixie Chicks gig on the side.

But honestly, if it hadn't been for the family aspect, yeah, I think I would have done it despite the challenges it would have presented. It's such a ridiculously, inconceivably great opportunity on multiple levels. I also think this was very forward looking - the "embedded blogger" idea.

J.S.: Yeah, I'm glad I have a few more months, because I still don't feel like I've come close to taking full advantage of it. It is a pretty fresh idea. The only difficulty is that I still have to get approvals and deal with some editorial restrictions, so the full spirit of blogging is missing. I suspect I'm setting a pretty low bar for future band bloggers.

You know, this reminds me ... when I was a kid, I always wanted to be the first Asian American something. I idolized the Jackie Robinsons and Thurgood Marshalls of the world. So I wanted to be the first Asian American basketball player, or the first American American Supreme Court Justice. It never occurred to me that I could be both the first band blogger -- of any race -- not to mention the first person to do an interview with journalist Oliver Wang while completely naked.

O.W.: What makes you think you're first?

Anyways, this may not be an appropriate question to ask since you're still on contract so feel free to pass but: if you could redesign the job, what would you have changed? (This isn't specific to your relationship. with the DC, but rather, the parameters of what you can do/can't do)..

J.S.: The problem with the parameters is this: if the Chicks didn't have approval rights, then they would censor themselves more often and/or limit my access. From the blogger's perspective, the ideal gig, of course, would involve finding a band of similar talent/humor/success/controversy that does not give a rat's booty about what gets released to the world.

O.W.: If they offered you a chance to renew, would you?

J.S.: As long as (1) the Chicks wanted me to return, (2) the fans seemed to continue appreciating what I'm doing, (3) I don't feel burnt out, and (4) my wife is cool with it, I would.

O.W.: DC aside, if you could have been the band blogger for any group, in any era, who would you have chosen?

J.S.: Ooooh ... the "any era" part makes this hard to answer. I certainly would've loved to follow the Jackson 5 (and especially Michael) from beginning to Bahrain. I also am fascinated by the life of Ol' Dirty Bastard.

But upon further consideration, I'm going to go with the Baha Men. Who let the blogs out?

No, excuse me, my monkey took over my laptop.

I probably would've chosen Elvis Presley. He's a hero to most, but he never mean s**t to me. I would've nonetheless be fascinated to observe his rise to fame, how he arrived at his decisions to emulate (steal?) black music, his shocking of values, his drug addictions, his acquisitions of tacky paraphernalia for Graceland, his miliary service, his Hollywood years, and his current state of hiding in Guatemala.

That's a stupid answer. I'm going back to the Baha Men.

--O.W.

NOW WHERE'S MY CHECK?

--O.W.

ALL WIRE, ALL THE TIME

--O.W.

PROTECT YOUR PIPES

"you're green, I'm trying to school you"

Torn right out of the pages of The Corner and The Wire, NPR reports: "Copper thieves wreck havoc."

--O.W.

THE WORLD'S A CANVAS

Banksy striks again.

(Source: Soulstrut)

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #73

Where were you when Bush II read "My Pet Goat"?

This Week's Question:

Have you lived through any moment that you consider more historically significant than September 11, 2001?

Which is to say, has there been any other single day during your life that you believe constitutes a greater historical "event" of national or international significance?

--Junichi

30 MORE FACTS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT

Respect my peeps

1. Had the United States ratified the Kyoto Protocol, the estimated expense of conforming to it would be about the same as the actual cost of the Iraq war thus far. (Source)


2. About 800,000,000 Marshamllow Peeps are consumed each Easter. (Source)


3. 125,000 pigs were killed to make those 800,000,000 Marshmallow Peeps. (Source)


4. According to the Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military, the U.S. military has spent $364,000,000 since 1994 to replace service members discharged for being gay.


5. Anthony Kiedis once traded a Stratocaster autographed by the Rolling Stones for 10 minutes' worth of heroin.
   


6. On a related note, when I was in college, I once passed on an opportunity to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert where Pearl Jam and Nirvana were the opening acts.
   


7. The Red Hot Chili Peppers once went by the following names: (1) Spigot Blister and the Chest Pimps, (2) the La Leyenda Tweakers, and (3) Tony Flow and the Miraculously Majestic Masters of Mayhem.


8. Radio Shack just laid off more than 400 workers ... via email. (Source)
   


9. Paul McCartney, born in 1942, is older than the transistor (invented in 1947), Israel (created in 1948), and cake mix (invented in 1949).
   


10. Medical studies have shown that four poppy seeds off of a bagel or muffin could cause a person to test positive for drugs.


11. It costs the U.S. Treasury 1.4 cents to manufacture and distribute each penny.


12. According to Simon Le Bon, Duran Duran frequently opened up their dressing-room door and found Princess Diana under the table trying to get an autograph.


13. There hasn't been a credible lead on Osama bin Laden's whereabouts for two years now. (Source)
    


14. Britney's ex-husband, Jason Alexander, is reportedly dating Shar Jackson, who is Kevin Federline's ex.


15. A 51-year-old emergency-room nurse named Susan Kuhnhausen returned to her home one night and discovered a burglar -- a former convicted felon, in fact -- armed with a hammer. A struggle ensued and she ended up killing him ... with her bare hands. (Source)
    


16. Sandra Bernhard played Rhonda the Picturephone Operator on Pee-Wee's Playhouse.
    


17. According to a study, David Hasselhoff is the male celebrity most likely to be searched for on the Internet by 16 to 24 year-olds.
    


18. R. Kelly recently said, "Osama bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through."
    


19. Randy Jackson of American Idol was once a bass player who was a part of Journey's Raised on Radio tour. (See tour book below.)
    





20. Joe Ranft, the co-director of Pixar's Cars, died in a car accident before completing the film.
    


21. Pat Buchanan received an award from PETA. Really.
    


22. The mention of a mere word -- "felching" -- earned A Dirty Shame an NC-17 rating.
    


23. ?uestlove of The Roots once fired an assistant over Scrabble because she was really condescending toward him after she beat him.
    


24. Victoria Beckham had May 8 tattooed on her arm in Roman numerals to honor the first time she and David Beckham did the humpty dance in 1997.
    


25. On Rick Ross's hit song "Hustlin,'" Ricks raps about how he used to inject steroids into his female drug smugglers.
    


26. There are no twins in the Thompson Twins, the Cocteau Twins, Aphex Twins, or the Ying Yang twins.
    


27. On the other hand, the sisters in Tegan and Sara, Nina Sky, and the Veronicas, as well as the Madden brothers of Good Charlotte, are all twins.
    


28. Tegan and Sara are not only identical twin sisters, they're also both lesbian.
    


29. Valerie Wilson, who works at a Long Island deli, just won $1 million on a lottery scratch-off game ... for the second time.
    


30. LL Cool J was once arrested for public lewdness in Georgia for humping a couch on stage.
    

--Junichi

AN ARGUMENT FOR CENSORSHIP

I have never wanted any kind of Internet filtering software, workplace firewalls, or other censorsing mechanisms getting in the way of my web browsing. I've never understood why anyone would turn on Google's "SafeSearch" function unless she worked inside the Mormon Tabernacle's day care center.

That is, until today.

This morning, I was looking for a picture of Oprah Winfrey and conducted a Google Image search. Eventually, I stumbled upon this, which I have censored for you:

If you click the above photo, which you really don't want to do, you can view the uncensored version that popped up early on in my search results.

Not only is the photo not safe for work, it's not safe anywhere. Just who the heck is making fake Oprah smut, anyway?

--Junichi

THE WIRE CONTEST - ANSWERED

"you better get this right"

BACKGROUND
1. What neighborhood does The Wire take place in?

West Baltimore.

2. Name the television mini-series that preceded The Wire and was a main inspiration behind the show.

The Corner.

3. That earlier TV show was based on a book. Name the family that book focuses on (surname)?

The McCulloughs

4. What comes next in this sequence? Payson St., Monroe St., Fulton Ave., Bruce St. __________?

Mount St.

5. Explain why even an empty house is a promising prospect for thieves?

Copper piping and other metal can be sold for scrap. (Many guessed that it could be used for a stash house but I said "thieves" and not "dealers" specifically for that reason).

SEASON 1

6. Who wrote the show's opening song and who performs it during Season 1?

Tom Waits and the Blind Boys of Alabama.

7. Who says, "The King Stays the King" and what does that phrase mean?

D'Angelo, while explaining the rules of chess.

8. Who is Steve Earle and name the two ways he "appears" in The Wire (hint, I am not necessarily asking for acting appearances)?

He's a singer who has appeared in the show as an actor and his song, "I'm Alright" has also appeared on the show.

9. What does Wallace pack for his brothers and sisters for lunch?

Juice boxes and potato chips. One person even knew the brand of chips as Utz. Gangsta.

10. Name McNulty's ex-wife's and kids' names.

Elena, Sean and Michael.

SEASON 2

11. What do both Frank Sobotka and Major Valchek try to donate to the local church?

Stained glass windows.

12. Who does Ziggy shoot and why?

Ziggy shot George Glekas (aka Double G) after he stiffed Ziggy on a stolen car caper. But most people forgot that Ziggy also shot Glekas' assistant.

13. What is the significance of the number 221?

This was D'Angelo's address in Franklin Towers and was put on the wreath that one of his former peers bought for him after his death.

14. After being rebuffed by his ex-wife and getting drunk, who does McNulty sleep with?

Diner waitress.

15. What magazine does Brother Mouzone chide his assistant for not being able to find?

Harper's.

Season 3

16. The Season opens with Franklin Towers being razed: what real life event(s) inspired this scene?

Two acceptable answers here: 1) 9/11 and 2) the razing of a series of Baltimore housing projects including Lexington Terrace, Murphy Homes, Lafayette Courts and Flag House.

17. Where does Omar's grandmother think he works?

The airport.

18. Fill in this quote: "You need _____________________, not some rough n' tumble n**** like Slim."

"some Day of the Jackal MFer"

19. How much money does Cutty ask for from Avon to help out his boxing gym? How much is he given?

$10,000, gets $15,000.

20. What kind of gun does Brother Mouzone favor?

Walter PPK, 380. Double action. Aka "a nice show piece." Unknown if he "keeps one in the chamber, just in case you're wondering."

MISC:

21. What is the penalty for falling asleep around police HQ?

Your tie gets cut.

22. Who is The Wire's musical supervisor?

Blake Leyh.

23. What is always within 20 blocks of any street in Baltimore?

No one got this. The answer is: water.

CORRECTION24. Names of those characcters who have held the rank of "major" within the show across the first three seasons.

I threw this one out because I had worded it incorrectly and therefore, had two different sets of answers. I meant to ask who were ALL the people who held the rank of "major" within the first three seasons.

25. What is Idris Elba's DJ name?

DJ Big Driis the Londoner.

---

Winners:
First Place = Noz. From what I hear, he's only been watching the show since last week yet he and one other person got all but one question correct and he was first in with them.

1st Runner-Up = Jeff W. He and Noz both had all but one question answered correctly.

2nd Runner-Up = Jon L. All but two questions correct.

3rd Runner-Up = Henry F. All but three questions correct.

Thanks for playing! And enjoy the season!

And I forgot to mention: there's a spoken word contest for the show as well.

--O.W.

THE GREATEST SHOW ON TELEVISION

don't test his gangsta

Some of you have may noted that we are currently running a banner for The Wire on top of Poplicks. This is the first advertising Junichi and I have ever accepted (despite the repeated wooing of the Cialis folks) and neither one of us wouldn't have agreed to it except 1) Junichi's weekly "sessions" at Happy Endings Physical Therapy ended up not being covered under his medical insurance, 2) the Franklin Mint's winter line is about to come out and I need the cash, 3) The Wire happens to be one of the greatest shows to ever grace the television screen (albeit on cable).

As Clinton Sparks would suggest, if you don't know: get familiar.

I often complain about how seriously deficient television is when it comes to issues of race, class, gender, and power and here's one show that understands it all in ways that puts practically every other show to shame. Of course, it takes dramatic liberties (hello Omar!) for the sake of narrative but what other shows on television really get inside of the issues of: urban poverty, city politics, the drug trade, junkie culture, gang sociology, police psychology and whatever else you want. If I could teach an entire semester on The Wire, I'd do it. (Say...that's not a bad idea).

This new season, #4, already promises to be incredible, especially as they're entering into the public school system. "No corner left behind": get it?

In any case, HBO is also offering up some goodies for a contest. First prize = a limited edition The Wire hoodie by Akademiks plus a poster for the new season. We have three more posters to give away to runner-ups. Here's the guidelines: I'll post up a series of Wire related questions to Poplicks at 8am (or thereabouts), tomorrow morning noon today. Email your answers to: poplicks@gmail.com. You'll have 24 hours to answer and then we take down the questions. The person with the most points wins first prize. In the event of a tie, whoever sends in their answers first will be given consideration.

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #72

What if she never learns how to use chopsticks?

This Week's Question:

Does a white American couple that adopts a baby from China have a responsibility to ensure that their adopted child grows up learning about Chinese culture and history?

--Junichi