WHAT DOES A LOOTER LOOK LIKE?

I've had two separate readers write in about this and frankly, given that BoingBoing, Wonkette and a whole lotta other sites have already been running info on this, I assume many of you are already familiar.

However, if not, here's what this is all about:




Note: Derek points us to another example.

Discuss.

--O.W.

LYRICAL ANALYSIS

I'm happy to present a new Poplicks feature -- LYRICAL ANALYSIS -- in which I will use my formal training in literary criticism to dissect the sophisticated and labyrinthine messages embedded in today's popular music for the benefit of the layman.

The lyrical passages I've chosen below are from current Top 40 hits that an untrained listener cannot fully comprehend without my help.


KELLY CLARKSON - "BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES"

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

In this confessional chorus, Ms. Clarkson is subtly revealing her struggle with Diabetic Retinopathy, which is an eye condition that results in the deeper portions of her cornea being "torn into pieces" and "broken up," thereby causing her to cry tears that flow behind her eyes, unlike most of us who cry tears in front of our eyes. Perhaps now you can appreciate that Ms. Clarkson is not only an American idol, but a brave disabled American hero.


MIKE JONES - "STILL TIPPIN'"

Four fours I'm tippin'
Wood grain I'm gripping
Catch me lane switching with the paint dripping
Turn your neck and your dame missing

In this song, Mr. Jones is explaining proper etiquette to any listeners who visit his hometown of Houston, Texas. In the first line, Mr. Jones informs the listener that it is customary dining etiquette to generously tip one's waiter in Houston as if he or she were in Great Britain. "Tipping a four four" is thus a reference to 44, the international direct dial code for the UK. Similarly, when Mr. Jones is gripping the "wood grain," he is referring to the carved driftwood forks he squeezes to convey to a Texan diner's waitstaff that he is satisfied with his meal.

In the third line, Mr. Jones addresses driving etiquette. He informs us that while switching lanes in Houston, one is expected to "drip paint," which refers to the antediluvian practice of sprinkling tempera paint on to the road in order to signal a lane change. A failure to do this might result in your "dame," her highness, being ejected from your car.

In the remainder of the song, Mr. Jones reminds visitors that it is considered polite to repeatedly remind people of one's name and one's phone number, which in Mr. Jones' case is (281) 330-8004. Indeed, armed with good etiquette, Mr. Jones is still tipping and constantly paying it forward.


HOT HOT HEAT - "MIDDLE OF NOWHERE"

But you're waiting at the door where everybody's hanging out
just like they hung out before.
You didn't have to do it but you did it to say
that you didn't have to do it but you would anyway.
To give you something to go on when I go off back to the Middle of Nowhere.
To give you something to go on when I go off back to the Middle of Nowhere.

In this song, the speaker is telling his lover that he will soon be leaving her so that he can return to listening to Hanson's classic debut album, "Middle of Nowhere." Indeed, he will be leaving her in a MMMBop.


BLACK EYED PEAS - "MY HUMPS"

What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely little lumps!

In this complicated musical dissertation, the Black Eyed Peas present a ratiocinative thesis on the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. BEP challenges the notion that the United States honored its agreement after it acquired Mexico's "humps" and "lumps" of land, now part of the southwest portion of the US, in light of credible evidence that the $15 million promised inside the treasure "trunk" was merely "junk" that ... oh, never mind, you wouldn't understand.

* * *

If you have any song requests for future lyrical analysis, please email your suggestions here.

--Junichi

MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS WRAPUP

Fat Joe can't lean back because of testicular swelling

Last night's MTV Video Music Awards, once the model for entertaining and innovative awards shows, had the "edge" and "hip factor" of the 2005 Teen Choice Awards.

(I'm not necessarily admitting that I watched the Teen Choice Awards, although I'm still shocked that Chad Michael Murray beat Jesse McCartney for "Choice Male Hottie.")

This year's VMAs were hosted by Diddy, who recently dropped the P from 'P. Diddy,' because, as he told Katie Couric on the Today Show, "I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans and now we're closer."

The P was getting between him and his fans? I thought that was R. Kelly's problem.

Nothing, however, was getting between Diddy and his status as the worst choice to host a show. Pat Sajak and Ted Koppel's love child would've had more charm.

Of course, one benefit of Diddy hosting was that Notorious B.I.G. could return from the dead and perform on stage, virtually speaking. With the precision of Fantasia's Mickey Mouse on methamphetamines, Diddy "conducted" an orchestra that provided new musical backing to acapella tracks of Biggie's "Juicy" and "Warning." Fresh. MTV gets the gas face, however, for editing out the line about blowing up like the World Trade.

Here are other highlights and lowlights:

• Ludacris performed "Pimpin All Over The World" with a bevy of international dancers that perfectly captured the sentiment of "It's A Small World" relocated at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch.



• Accused child pornographer R. Kelly lip synched his latest chapter of "Trapped in the Closet," which was one of the most surreal performances ever televised. I have to give the man props, however, for role-playing a gay man's torn loyalties between his wife and his male lover. He would be great on Passions.



• Before introducing R. Kelly, Eric Roberts (how did this tool get to be in so many videos?) plugged his son's band. Painful. By now, his son probably has had the stool beat out of him a hundred times over.



• Audience members tapped their tambourines along with 50 Cent's performance to create that authentic hippie "I'd like to teach the world to sing" gangsta vibe. Any positivity, however, was nullified when 50 started made threats against Fat Joe. (These days, I feel like an incompetent inventory worker at a Kobe meat factory: I can't keep track of all the beef.)



• Speaking of beef, the big story of the night took place hours before the VMAs. Death Row's 'Suge' Knight attended a Kanye West-hosted party, in part, to make peace with the hip hop community. Amazing. But then, Suge was shot in the leg and required hospitalization. So much for a truce. Somebody gonna die now!



• I'm happy to admit that I appreciate Coldplay and I think X&Y is a consistently enjoyable album. But their live TV performances cure insomnia and inspire visions of the scene in Seven with Gwyneth's head in a box. Coldplay: needs to be banned from live TV.



• I think it was too early for the "surprise" VMA performance by MC Hammer. I still have a sour taste in my mouth from when Hammer and his bankruptcy-inducing posse went on stage at the VMAs and drank Diet Pepsis in unison. But I'll admit that 14 years later, the man can still do a wicked typewriter.


He had to pray just to make it to the VMAs.



• Kelly Clarkson. Cute. Charming. A little pitchy.



• The best performance of the night belonged to the ubiquitous Kanye West and Jamie Foxx. Among other things, their duet was historic since, according to my research, Mr. Foxx is now the first Academy Award winner for Best Actor to ever sing about a "bee-yitch" and a "gold digger" at an awards show.



• Correction: Oscar winner Ben Kingsley actually did a scat about a "bee-yitch" and a "gold digger" at the 4th Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards. I apologize for the error.

--Junichi

JAPANESE PEOPLE ARE WACKY & CRRRAZZZY!

Latest Non-Existent Japanese Fashion Trend

Apparently, most Americans will believe anything written about Japan, which has undoubtedly been crowned the land of the weird wacky kinky freaky fetish people.

Recently, I received an email titled: "Think you have seen it all?", which claims that the current fashion rage in Japan is the above faux "see-thru skirts" that contain a print on the back designed to make it appear as if the wearer's underwear is visible. (As this site points out, this is a hoax.) C'mon, gullible people! Japanese women don't wear skirts!

This isn't anything new; urban legends about Japan go way back. You can imagine the political climate that bred the oft-repeated urban legend that a Japanese town named itself 'USA' in order for companies located there to legitimately stamp their exports 'Made in USA.'

So remember kids: just because my mother, whom I love, went shopping with my little brother and bought him breast scarves and a "12-Play-12-Pack" of lifesize R. Kelly dolls for his birthday yesterday -- as most Japanese mothers do -- doesn't mean that every freakish thing written about the Japanese is true.

Happy Birthday, Oshiri!

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #21

The Poster Child of Term Limits?

This Week's Question:

If George W. Bush could run for re-election in 2008, would he win?

--Junichi

IRONIC WHITENESS - SO WACKY

reach out and smack somebody
In about a day or two, expect the blogosphere to be buzzing about this article that came out in today's Washington Post about a club night in Williamsburg, Brooklyn where the theme is "Kill Whitey!" To break it down simply, what the article details is an evening where white, 20-something hipsters gather around, play Miami booty bass music, yell "Kill Whitey!" and ape dance moves they've probably seen on BET. Fliers for the night have included offers for free admission for those bringing a bucket of chicken. We're not certain about this, but we wonder if burnt cork is optional. Moving on:

Author Michelle Garcia interviews the night's DJ, Jeremy Parker, aka ... "Tha Pumpsta." (Yes, you read that right. Tha Pumpsta). Here's what he has to say about the evening:

"I'm throwing this party, and it's obvious that I'm white and I'm kind of appropriating this culture but in an ironic way. Kinda poking fun at myself and my origins and white people in general. I'm trying to kill the whiteness inside."

Putting aside the fact that his statement makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, all we can say is that Parker should anticipate a flood of curious and/or outraged Black people to descend on the next Kill Whitey night and we'll have to see how "ironic" it all seems to be minstreling it up in the presence of actual Blackness and not just the perverse performance of it.

I posted this story to Soulstrut.com and there's been some notable comments made in reply:

• "Black people couldn't throw a "Kill Whitie" party and have people think it's cute, even if it's in jest. First of all that shit wouldn't be a sidebar human interest story (look how crazy these young white kids are!) it wold be full scale news complete with lots of smart ass people using that stupid fucking made up word "reverse racism". Second, the cops, either on their own or by upper eschalon orders, would clamp down on that party so hard, only nuns and librarians could get in. Third, it would only add fuel to a media fire that's dead bent on making the black community look like folls, criminals, and uneducated.
  
  The whole concept and title is in itself an exercise of white privilage.
  
  When black people get together and talk about killing whitey the CIA fucks 'em up, when white people do it it's cute."
  

  
  

• "You can witness white people listening to the same music, dressing the same styles, and acting the same way as this party in clubs in just about any city in America. I guess the main difference is that outside of Wmburg, they don't call it "Kill Whitey."
  
  You can chalk that up to the rest of the country either having decency and common sense, or lacking arrogance and for lack of a better word, imagination."

--O.W.

QUESTIONABLE MARKETING

Chuck E. Cheese's marketing plan reaches new highs

Here's a roundup of the latest marketing news:

• EchoStar is giving free satellite cable to everyone in the first town that permanently changes its name to Dish. Perhaps now would be a good time for Toad Suck, Arkansas or Study Butte, Texas to change their names. On second thought, we should probably consult the residents of Half.com, Oregon to see how often they are ridiculed.

• Speaking of Study Butte ... while you know that Target converted a song about big butts into an ass-less jingle for backpacks, the latest Madison Avenue trend is apparently to go the other way: flaunt the big butt. Perhaps you've seen that Nike ad where a white woman jokes that her plentiful backside gets fan mail. (Hey Funyuns, if you're looking for the perfect plus-size ass model, call me.)
  

• Diet Dr. Pepper needs to advertise that its product can help prevent carjacking!

• Speaking of soda marketing, what the hell is Coke Zero? I read this article about how Coke Zero has flopped, and I still don't understand the difference between that product, Diet Coke, and Diet Coke with Splenda. Didn't Coca-Cola learn anything from their C2 disaster? Or from Pepsi One? Or from Tab Negative Two?

• Finally, how does the Catholic Church convince more young males to join the priesthood, when the profession forbids sex, requires getting up early on Sunday, and triggers associations with sexually abusive pedophiles? Pop culture references, of course. One priest in the Archdiocese of Indianapolis created the Matrix poster below.

Doesn't it violate one of the Ten Commandments for someone (other than God) to suggest that he is "the one"? Woah.

--Junichi

DEAD CHINESE PEOPLE BECOME ART EXHIBITS

For $19.95, I See Dead People

The Museum of Science and Industry in Tampa, Florida is showcasing an exhibit called "BODIES, the Exhibition," which features twenty actual human cadavers from China with their skin replaced with a clear plastic substance that exposes their internal organs. The bodies are displayed in poses like "Soccer Player" and "Running Man" (pictured above).

According to the Chinese government, the cadavers are Chinese people who died of natural causes and whose bodies went unclaimed or unidentified before being turned over to a medical school in China. Whatever. Given China's sketchy human rights record, I am a bit skeptical of these claims. If I were at this exhibit, I'd be checking for tank bruises.

The museum is defying a decision of the Florida Anatomical Board, which regulates the distribution of cadavers for research and education. The Board voted 4-2 to deny approval for the exhibit, but museum officials don't think the board has authority to block the exhibit and told members to drop dead.

One might argue that the public display of actual cadavers isn't anything new: King Tut's family probably didn't want his body being paraded around for tourists. (Nor would they be thrilled that he is best remembered as being "born in Arizona" and "moved to Babylonia.") But then again, King Tut's children, who probably didn't inherit their father's funkiness, aren't alive today. And there was no chance that King Tut was a revolutionary political prisoner held in captivity by an oppressive government.

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #20

Is the Pantera too loud, or are you bothered that I'm as old as your dad?

This Week's Question:

If you're hoping to heat things up with your date, what music do you play to set the mood?


To truly aid other Poplicks readers, feel free to leave the track listings of your "make-out mixtape" in the comments.

--Junichi

TESTIFYING ON BATTLE RAPS

This story was already rather nutty to begin with: a teenager at a school in Riverside is being expelled for writing "threatening" rap lyrics. The way the defense has been trying to argue their case is that this is just typical hip-hop bravado, on some, "when I was 12, I went to hell for snuffing Jesus," type illness but the administration sees it differently. (Just to give you an example of the lyrics in question: "So watch what you say about me, I'm everywhere son, And the word of mouth is that I'm carrying guns.")

In any case, in the above-linked story, it seems that my colleague Bakari Kitwana got called as a witness for the defense:

Kitwana said rap vocabulary is misunderstood by people unfamiliar with hip-hop. Battle rap "can get pretty nasty in terms of the language," he said, but the words don't lead to violence. "It's absolutely a verbal challenge," he said. Kitwana called Latour's songs "amateurish" and "standard fare" but encouraged him to continue his efforts.

(In other words: step your verbal game up, lil soldier).

--O.W.

MUSIC AND PARENTHOOD

baby boogaloo
In the comments section of a previous post, Hashim asked me: "Oliver- does fatherhood affect your outlook or taste in music? Do you think it will in the future?"

I've actually spent some idle time thinking about this since my daughter was born back in February. I know when my friend Jeff's kids were born, he found himself engaging with music in new ways, more or less listening through their ears for a change. This taught him, among other things, to appreciate a lot of pop/commercial music that he otherwise might have brushed off. I learned something in that process too since Jeff would write about these experiences in his columns. It's influenced my own re-engagement with "pop" (I meant this in a large, expansive sense of the term and not just the Britney/boy band definition) since, the way I see it, if a five year old can enjoy a song, it probably can't be that bad on some basic levels.

I ask many of my interviewees who have kids how they relate to music vis-a-vis their children. Most recently, I had a long conversation with Santana (Carlos, not Juelz) this past week and he's got three kids, all teens or older. It was interesting to learn that he really re-engaged with contemporary pop, R&B, hip-hop, etc. through his kids. I'm sure, in no small way, they helped contribute to him recording Supernatural and the two albums since (though, in all fairness, Clive Davis also had much to do with it too).

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...


I asked rappers if they let their young kids listen to hip-hop. Most don't try to really corral their kids' listening habits too fiercely. They don't force feed any music but they might monitor more "inappropriate" content if its deemed too sexual, violent, etc. In my interview with Common earlier this year, he was saying how he wants to make sure his daughter (who's still an adolescent) understands the lyrics she recites, such as "Get Low."

I remember the guys from De La Soul (this was back around 1996) joking that their kids didn't even listen to hip-hop, or if they did, it was the most commercial stuff around. Master P was a different situation altogether since he was trying to groom his son Romeo to be the next Michael Jackson - minus all the freaky stuff - so he was probably the most hands-on in terms of his son's musical education and career.

But in terms of how parenthood has changed my outlook on music...I don't think it has in overt ways. There's been unintentional consequences: the rigors of fatherhood, especially as a stay-at-home dad, mean that I don't get to listen to as much music as I once did. I have a stack of 12"s that's at least 50 deep sitting on my office floor, dating back at least half a year, that I still haven't gotten around to listening too. Don't even ask about my CD stacks.

But beyond just the logistical aspects of it...I haven't yet retuned my consciousness into thinking about music through Ella's ears. In other words, I don't wonder whether or not she'd be into the same songs I'd like. And in terms of content, I'm no more or less critical of lyrical content and politics now then when I was before. Again, this might change as she gets older and I realize how her exposure to pop culture is shaping her consciousness. I'm just not very good at projecting that far ahead though.

I can't speak for anyone but I don't think parenthood changes your relationship to music so much as simply growing older. The older one gets, sometimes, the harder it is to reconcile that with the music they loved as youth...especially if the music has evolved beyond recognition. Obviously, this applies to hip-hop fairly well.

For me though, I think I've tried to avoid finding comfort in music that rings of nostalgia. This probably explains why I never understood why people went crazy for the last Little Brother album or De La Soul's uneven Art Official Intelligence series. Yet, it seemed like everyone over 30 really dug on them. I just didn't get it. I don't know if I want to get it.

It's not like I force myself to like Young Jeezy or Slim Thug or any of the other newcomer MCs that have all the dope boys goin' crazy. What I try to do is leave myself open to all this. I don't have to love it, but I should be open-minded to at least liking it. Believe me, when I find myself listening to the Ying Yang Twins and I'm enjoying myself? That's a pretty big step for someone who used to write almost exclusively on independent, underground hip-hop.

---

In any case, returning to parenthood...I'll leave off by saying that I don't go out of my way to play music for my daughter though music floats through her daily life constantly: at home, in the car. She's too young to remember any of this but I like the idea that all the sounds in the background will form part of her subconscious set of experiences.

It might seem strange that for someone who DJs and audioblogs and used to do radio, etc...I don't feel a compulsion to guide Ella's musical education...at least not for a while. Maybe once she's older and we're able to communicate more directly, I'll make it a point to try to gauge her tastes: does she like hip-hop? Or soul? Or jazz? Is she responding to rhythms and/or melodies? For now, I'm happy that she'll respond to certain songs and often times, I'll pick her up and swing her to the beat, just to give her a sense of what rhythm feels like. That's really more about connecting with your kids and using music to do it rather than a focus on the music specifically. They're still good moments though.

Bottomline though? As I say, everyone should give their child a sound education. Now...as to whether or not Ella will have open run at anything in my record collection that she might want...hmm...I'll have to get back to you on that one.

---

By the way - I'm so sending Ella to something like this when she's old enough.

--O.W.

HOW LIBERAL, OR BLACK, IS YOUR CITY?

From Motown to Mormon-town

The Bay Area Center for Voting Research (BACVR) just conducted a study ranking all 237 major cities in America according to their political ideology, as determined by voting patterns.

The results themselves are interesting: who would have guessed that Detroit is the most liberal city in America? And who would have guessed that Berkeley, CA -- home of the nuclear-free zone, Indigenous Peoples' Day, and countless anti-war resolutions -- would only clock in at No. 3, losing to Gary, Indiana(!), the second most liberal city.

And had I been given the chance to bet on it, I would have lost both my life savings and my virginity over the fact that Hartford, CT (#12) is more liberal than both Boston (#24) and NYC (#21).

What's more interesting -- but not surprising at all -- is the correlation between a city's political ideology and its racial makeup. Detroit, the most liberal city, is 82% black and also has a significant Arab American population. Indeed, the cities with the largest black populations dominate the top of the list, with the only exceptions being college towns like Cambridge and Berkeley.

On the other end of the list, Provo, Utah, the country's most conservative city, is not surprisingly 89% white, with a less than 1% black population.

Which is to say, the political divide in this country is not so much red vs. blue, but black vs. white, and increasingly so. The white liberals are either dying off or becoming more conservative.

While BACVR's press releases don't address the effect of other racial minorities, there's no doubt that African Americans -- more than any other racial group -- vote most consistently and most consistently Democratic.

Here's a full list of the rankings:

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...

Rank	City	State
1	Detroit	Michigan
2	Gary	Indiana
3	Berkeley	California
4	District of Columbia
5	Oakland	California
6	Inglewood	California
7	Newark	New Jersey
8	Cambridge	Massachusetts
9	San Francisco	California
10	Flint	Michigan
11	Cleveland	Ohio
12	Hartford	Connecticut
13	Paterson	New Jersey
14	Baltimore	Maryland
15	New Haven	Connecticut
16	Seattle	Washington
17	Chicago	Illinois
18	Philadelphia	Pennsylvania
19	Birmingham	Alabama
20	St. Louis	Missouri
21	New York	New York
22	Providence	Rhode Island
23	Minneapolis	Minnesota
24	Boston	Massachusetts
25	Buffalo	New York
26	New Orleans	Louisiana
27	Ann Arbor	Michigan
28	Jersey City	New Jersey
29	Portland	Oregon
30	Daly City	California
31	Atlanta	Georgia
32	Dallas	Texas
33	Hayward	California
34	Madison	Wisconsin
35	Pittsburgh	Pennsylvania
36	St. Paul	Minnesota
37	Los Angeles	California
38	Rochester	New York
39	Memphis	Tennessee
40	Milwaukee	Wisconsin
41	Vallejo	California
42	Dayton	Ohio
43	Bridgeport	Connecticut
44	Springfield	Massachusetts
45	Syracuse	New York
46	Jackson	Mississippi
47	Jackson	Mississippi
48	Akron	Ohio
49	Denver	Colorado
50	Richmond	Virginia
51	El Monte	California
52	Pasadena	California
53	Toledo	Ohio
54	Eugene	Oregon
55	Elizabeth	New Jersey
56	Cincinnati	Ohio
57	Santa Rosa	California
58	Worcester	Massachusetts
59	Kansas City	Missouri
60	Kansas City	Kansas
61	Durham	North Carolina
62	Sunnyvale	California
63	Alexandria	Virginia
64	Fremont	California
65	Tallahassee	Florida
66	Pomona	California
67	Lansing	Michigan
68	Erie	Pennsylvania
69	Savannah	Georgia
70	Long Beach	California
71	Sacramento	California
72	Greensboro	North Carolina
73	Hollywood	Florida
74	San Jose	California
75	Norwalk	California
76	Lowell	Massachusetts
77	Aurora	Colorado
78	Columbus	Ohio
79