THE ANTHEM?

Toto, I don't think we're in Bollywood anymore

When Paul Kim became a finalist on this season's American Idol, it set off a light bulb for a NY Times writer to probe the question of why Asian Americans are missing from the pop music field. That story became "Trying to Crack the Hot 100" which appeared at the beginning of March (you can read it here). Several days later, WYNC's Soundcheck followed up with their own take on the story: "When East Doesn't Meet West". Once again, Paul Kim was the "hook."

What is striking about both stories is that by the time they ran/aired, Paul Kim was already voted off Idol and this actually served to "prove" the point of both stories - Asian Americans can't get a break. Without debating that claim - it's true enough - what I found striking...and a little perturbing...is that neither made mention of the fact that even though Kim was gone, there were still two other Asian Americans amongst the finalists: AJ (who is mixed Filipino/Chinese/etc.) and of course...the South Asian wunderkind Sanjaya.

Anyone familiar with the internal politics of Asian American-hood won't be surprised by this at all - East Asians like Paul Kim (Korean) or myself or Junichi for that matter - are the standard-bearers for defining "who is Asian" whereas Filipinos and South Asians have long been kept on the fringes, a social state of affairs that hasn't exactly done wonders for the call for "unity." That AJ and Sanjaya were seemingly invisible in a story about Asian Americans in pop music only drives that point home.

Coincidentally, DJ Similak Chyld in S.F. recently sent me a song to check out: "Brand New Day" by S.O.T.O. (Something Out of The Ordinary/Sons of The Orient), a Filipino + Japanese American duo who've crafted what very well could be an anthem for contemporary Asian American pop artists.

Few things to note: first of all, it probably doesn't bespeak a great future for the group when their site says "WE WON'T STOP!!!" but their self-advertised URL (soto.tv) has clearly been taken over by another company. Second of all, it's really unfortunate that the positivity of their song gets undermined by the cover art for their Crunk City album which is both cheap and crassly sexist.

That said, "Brand New Day" is worth a listen for the ways in which it expresses the frustrations (and hope) that a lot of Asian American artists likely feel. Sure, it's not the most sophisticated songwriting ever and yeah, the backing track is the instrumental to Xzibit's "Paparazzi" (you can hear the shutterclicks at the beginning) but that unintentionally nods to the way in which the notion of "Asian American music" is largely a mesh of creativity and adaptation. There's no real organic "sound" that our community can claim as its own but artists have proven quite flexible to adjusting to what's out there in the public, whether it was folk in the 1970s, jazz in the 1980s and hip-hop and R&B since the 1990s.

Then there's Sanjaya, for whom "flexibility" would be an understatement in the many ways his racial "passing" allows him to occupy multiple social spaces at once. Read Ann Powers' take on him to get what I mean.

In any case, I'm definitely not mad at "Brand New Day" and the song, like a good anthem, has already picked up a cover. All they need now is to appeal to fellow Pinoy Chad Hugo for a hot Neptunes track and...

--O.W.

IF HIP-HOP WASN'T DEAD...IT MIGHT BE NOW

--O.W.

RETHINKING BEAUTY

nude but not crude
I was listening to this story on NPR's Day to Day about Dove's new "Pro-Age" advertising campaign which made me think of this essay from last month's The Atlantic Monthly.

The gist is this: Dove's new campaign may push the envelope on redefining notions of feminine beauty by including older women (nude, no less) in this new campaign but how much is this actually challenging our narrow social bias indeed about what an "ideal" body type looks like?

As Postrel notes in that Atlantic Monthly piece about an earlier Dove campaign,

"The “real women” pictured in the thigh-cream billboards may not have looked like supermodels, but they were all young, with symmetrical faces, feminine features, great skin, white teeth, and hourglass shapes. Even the most zaftig had relatively flat stomachs and clearly defined waists. These pretty women were not a random sample of the population. Dove diversified the portrait of beauty without abandoning the concept altogether."

The main difference with the new campaign is that the women are older and while this is no small move in an ad culture that fetishizes youth, notably, the vast majority of the women featured all have strikingly fit bodies. Sure, they may not look like a 20-something athlete in prime condition but imagine that same person 30 years from now and you'd probably end up with many of these women: aging but still attractive in rather conventional ways. There are no women with bad skin - sorry, liver spots don't qualify - almost no women who'd be characterized as overweight, no women who a reasonable, open-minded person wouldn't call attractive based on most of us are already taught through media and advertising.

This isn't to dismiss Dove outright but it's to note that what they're doing is far less than revolutionary and more like a small nudge towards a more inclusive model of beauty that still stays comfortably within our expectations.

--O.W.

TOP 10 WORDS CHAMILLIONAIRE IS UNLIKELY TO USE

They never see me Toyota Corollin

Top 10 Words That Rapper Chamillionaire and his Chamillitary Company Are Unlikely To Use

1. Chamenopause
2. Chamayonnaise
3. Teenage Chamutant Ninja Turtles
4. Chamilquetoast
   
5. Chamagistrate
6. Wrestle-chamania
7. Chamanhole
8. Chamama's Family
   
9. Chametrosexual
10. The Little Chamermaid

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #99

Forget Tony Danza - I'm the boss

This Week's Question:

Should all professional athletes be stopped from launching music careers?


For your consideration, here's the new single and video from San Antonio Spurs' Point Guard Tony Parker (a.k.a. Eva Longoria's fiancé), rapping in French ...

--Junichi

TEN THINGS I LEARNED FROM WATCHING "300"

Do you like gladiator films?

Last night, I watched a gay erotica film titled 300.

I doubt anybody has seen this comic parody of gladiator films since it's clearly a low-budget indie filmed in front of painted backdrops borrowed from a local high school production of Hamlet.

While I don't normally fall in the small niche of moviegoers who enjoy campy tales of men in leather nut-huggers, I decided to watch it because I knew the film would be a solid two hours worth of ideas for future Halloween costumes. Also, I wanted to support my cousin, who is in the movie. My cousin, by the way, is a giant 100-foot tall rhinoceros.

Immediately after I walked out of this historical hysterical epic, I prepared this list of ...

Top Ten Things I Learned From Watching 300

1. The Spartans were pioneers in laser hair removal and monosyllabic monologues.


2. Persian corpses make great cinderblocks.


3. Hunchbacks signal their traitorous activities by wearing Mickey Mouse's magician hat from Fantasia.


4. Oracles, the antecedents of the cast from Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity, have bullet-like nipples.


5. A Greek soldier must always bid his wife and kid adieu in a field of wheat.
   


6. Persians may look Nigerian, Chinese, South Asian, Arab, Russian, Italian, Mongolian, goat-like, or ninja-ish.


7. In ancient Greece, everything was the color of rust (except for the capes).
   


8. The Persians worshiped Xerxes, the God of Xerox, a sadomasochistic body-piercing tranny with an expensive manicurist.


9. While a chest plate might be very effective in protecting one's body from being pierced with arrows or spears, it also has the distinct disadvantage of hiding one's eight-pack abs.


10. As someone who believes that "freedom isn't free, but must be won" and sends troops to battle without the support of the legislature, George W. Bush would have been a very popular Spartan king.
    

Did I miss anything?

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #98

Putting the band in contraband

This Week's Question:

According to a new study published in the latest issue of the Journal of Political Economy, illegal downloading of music has had no statistically significant effect on record sales.

What impact has your illegal downloading had on your purchase of records or legal digital downloads?

(Hypothetically speaking, of course. Poplicks readers would never do anything illegal.)

--Junichi

Y'ALL CAN SEE WHY I HAVE SO MANY KIDS

I'm Captain James T. Kirk! I went to Vietnam!

Here are the only two possibilities:

1. In this television interview, Tracy Morgan is merely in character as Tracy Jordan from 30 Rock.

or

2. Tracy Morgan is always batsh!t crazy.

--Junichi

REASON #492 WHY I WILL NEVER SUPPORT HILLARY

Hillary speaks at a shadow hand puppet convention

When Senator Clinton was recently asked whether she thinks homosexuality is immoral, she deflected the question by answering, "Well I'm going to leave that to others to conclude."

Shame. And lame.

Does the spineless senator really think that she's going to get any votes from people who consider all gays and lesbians to be sinners?

I hate the sexist jokes about Hillary having male genitals. But quite frankly, I wish she'd grow a pair, metaphorically speaking.

* * *

Update: Apparently, Barack Obama isn't much a person of principle either.

Will somebody please point me to an electable Democratic nominee for president who is not afraid to stand up for what she believes?

--Junichi

RANDOM RAVES

• Short Shorts - I recently managed to see ten movies in two hours ... by watching all the short films that were nominated for an Academy Award this year. Oscar winner West Bank Story was even more hysterical and inspiring than I had hoped; the West Side Story parody achieved the impossible: a well-produced musical comedy about the Palestinian/Israeli conflict that is fair, balanced, and likely to make even militant Israelis or Palestinians laugh. The Savior is a twisted short about a flawed Mormon-esque missionary who inadvertently helps a man find God. (Although it didn't beat the mother of all Mormon missionary comedies that is Orgazmo.) As for the animated shorts, Maestro is a long set-up for one punchline, but the payoff is worth the wait; you can watch the whole thing here. Pixar's Lifted was great for animation and chuckles, but it couldn't compete with the compelling story of The Danish Poet, a visual poem about life's unpredictable paths, which I still dwell on, even if I'm not munching on Danishes or poets. Give or take The Matchstick Girl, these films deserved their Oscar nominations, unlike, say, The Devil Wears Prada or Poseidon.

• Worldmapper - a great reference website that shows the world resized according to lots of categories. Check out the world according to prison population below. America is still #1! Take that, China!

• In Arabia, We'd All Be Kings - D & I saw caught this terrific play in the Elephant Theatre in LA. The drama weaves the spiraling trajectories of various oddballs and addicts under Guiliani's rule in mid-1990s Hell's Kitchen. Judging by some of the empty seats in the tiny space, the cast must be making peanuts, which is a shame, given their magnificent performances. Go discover Steven Schub, who plays a Mick Jagger-impersonating speed junkie named Skank, and Jade Dornbeld, who plays his hooking addict girlfriend Chickie, before they become famous. Closes in a week.

• Tanks Alot: As a fan of lists, I'm grateful for New York Magazine's Top 20 List of Unfortunately Named Portable-Toilet Companies. Of course, it's no surprise that #1 is Doodie Calls:
  
  
  

• Mammal Juice Drink - And finally, this fake but disgusting Japanese commercial -- totally NSFW but technically harmless -- exports to America the catch-phrase "Feline Disrespect From Behind," which, at last, you can begin using now. But seriously, don't click this:
  

Why are you and the Japanese so twisted?

--Junichi

WHAT'S ARCHAIC ABOUT MEDIEVAL TIMES?

Please do not get medieval on my ass

I hate to make everyone jealous, but this last weekend, I went to Medieval Times.

Don't be jealous, since this was just my first opportunity to chow down on "dragon meat" from the "wench" who constantly asked "would m'lord like some more Pepsi?"

I was invited to come hither for a birthday party, just like hundreds of others a third my age. I was quite taken aback, however, when the announcer, after spouting a laundry list of birthdays, mentioned that a man in the crowd had just proposed to his girlfriend. (Surprise #1). And she said yes. (Surprise #2). Judging from the announcer's weary enthusiasm and blase tone while making the announcement, I gathered that marriage proposals happen quite often at Medieval Times. (Surprise #3).

As for the entertainment, I had the opportunity to peruse through the Museum of Torture. During the show, I watched a tyrannical but imbecilic king force men to fight in a senseless battle, while the crowd quickly chanted for blood based on faulty reasoning. As a weak coalition slowly dissolved, a traitor emerged and the crowd yelled for him to die. The king then commanded he be whipped and executed.

As my father-in-law pointed out, this establishment should be called "Current Times."

--Junichi

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #97

My favorite inside source / I'll kiss your open sores

This Week's Question:

Should Dolce & Gabbana pull this advertisement, which some have protested as a depiction of gang rape?

--Junichi

CHENEY URINATES ON BUSH

(Credit: The Sartorial Senator)

--Junichi

PRINCE MADE MY SON GAY

Purple Vein

Below are actual complaints about Prince's Super Bowl performance filed with the FCC, courtesy of TSG.

I, too, am sickened with disgust that Prince's "silluette" infected a potential football quarterback with both HIV and homosexuality, ...

... crippled one man with erectile dysfunction, and ...

... forced one parent to explain the meaning of a "wet spot ... on a cum covered sheet."

Thank God I don't have a high-def TV.

I would've gone postal if the Super Bowl halftime show prematurely forced me to have that awkward conversation that begins, "Kids, it's time I told you about that wet spot on Daddy's bed sheet."

Shame on you, CBS.

At least Janet Jackson's ninja star areola didn't give AIDS to someone's offspring!

--Junichi

RETURN OF THE DRAGON MASTER!

I so Eng-ry!
Wouldn't you know that it'd be Fox News who'd bring us an interview with Ken Eng, aka the most hated Asian sci-fi writer under the age of 30 in America?
(Thanks to DG at Soulstrut.com for posting this).

Ok...now who's got the video?

Seriously, Eng's disconnect from reality is remarkable. Gibson must have been wondering what the f--- his producers were thinking.

Then again, Eng was smart enough to plug his book right off the top. Hustle that paper, son!

--O.W.

HIP-HOP STUDIES

my alma mater represents
Normally, I'd view any story appearing in the mainstream media (MSM) regarding hip-hop in the academy with some trepidation...not b/c it's not a good story but because it's a story that gets written at least once a year...and dating back at least to the early '90s when some of the first hip-hop college classes started to crop up. The fact that the MSM usually treats the topic from an "intro" point of view - vs. recognizing that this is, in fact, nothing new - feeds into my general wariness. However, Reyhan Harmanci's recent SF Chronicle piece actually, for once, builds on what's been noted before and extends beyond the basic, "look at what these crazy professors are doing!" angle you've seen elsewhere (hell, I've probably written that piece myself before).

Most notable is that Harmanci interviews a few folks who take a decisively critical view on how hip-hop has merge with the academy and it's not conservative academics this time around but rather, hip-hop community leaders expressing their skepticism. To wit:

From Davey D:

"Now it's like everybody is dealing in hip-hop but they have nothing to do or no connection with the culture at all. The edicts that drive academia -- publish or perish, for instance -- aren't hip-hop. You have an interesting phenomenon, where the 'hip-hop experts,' with university appointments attached to their name, have no credibility whatsoever in hip-hop circles. That, coupled with the fact that academia in a lot of places has always kept a distinct separation between what goes on in community and what happens on campus, is a source of tension."

One wants Davey to start dropping names though we could probably take a guess at a few of 'em.

As always, Boots Riley from The Coup doesn't soft-pedal the topic:

""One time, someone came up to me, and said, 'I know so-and-so, they're a professor at Harvard, they're a big fan of your work.' "But that doesn't impress me more than any other people feeling that way. I don't need to be validated by academia because that presupposes that academia is a pure endeavor and not guided by market forces, which is not the case. Anthropology, for instance, was all about studying the natives so they could figure out how to control them. Again, the natives are being studied."

Personally, I'm all for studying hip-hop in the academy - it's obviously a rich cultural field to critically think about and I'm lucky to be on a campus that has some very smart people tackling the topic, especially Dr. Ebony Utley in Communication Studies.

As for myself...I'm still wary of trying to put together a hip-hop class of my own. It would make a good fit with my department (sociology) but personally, I need for the class to make sense to me. It's hard to properly articulate but I don't want to do it just to do it. I'm sure I'll get there eventually (though not earlier than Spring 08).

--O.W.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK #96

Rest in Piss

This Week's Question:

A television photographer was fired for urinating near a monument in a cemetery while covering the funeral of an Iowa soldier who was killed in Iraq.

The photog claims he couldn't leave to urinate out of fear he'd miss the funeral procession.

Should he also be denied state unemployment benefits?

(FYI: To see what an administrative law judge decided, click here.)

--Junichi

THE ANGRIEST ASIAN MAN

who could hate someone this wuvable?*

The Ken Eng/Asian Weak [no sic] debacle continues to roll. I was watching CNN on closed caption on the gym (Paula Zhan helps keep that pulse high, if you know what I mean) and even they did a story on him.

It tackled what I feared - the whole, "we need more dialogue" response from both Blacks and Asians.

Again, it's not that I think dialogue is bad and I suppose it's better to have this be the source of it vs. say, racially fueled murder in Harbor Gateway, BUT if it takes something as completely ridiculous and idiotic as Eng to get Asians and Blacks in S.F. (and beyond) to talk to one another...yikes!

One thing that was predictably annoying about CNN's coverage was the deep-voiced (well, presumably deep-voiced, this was closed-captioned) intonation that, "the column has exposed hidden racial tensions in San Francisco." Uh, the racial tensions are not "hidden." Most are in plain view. You hear that phrase bandied around a lot - say, during the Duke lacrosse rape controversy - and what anyone will tell you in these places is that the racial tension is hardly lurking beneath the surface.

That said, the CNN piece did do a good job of connecting Eng's column with a larger issue in S.F., namely how the city (next to New Orleans) is seeing the most rapidly declining African American population in America, not the least of which is because ballooning housing prices and gentrification of the 3rd St. corridor (which runs through Bayview/Hunter's Point) is making the city economically untenable for Black residents. CNN also noted that as Black populations have been falling, guess which ethnic group has been on the rise? With or without a causal relationship between those two trends, it likely helps fuel those (cough cough) "hidden" tensions.

In the meantime, rooting through Eng's seemingly endless trove of delusional blog and column entries has become a favorite pastime for people seeking to understand his god-like genius...and indeed, it may very well be that Eng's intellect is beyond human comprehension since most of what he writes doesn't make any f----- sense. Before Asian Weak takes down the links, be sure to read some of these nuggets of omnipotent/omniscient wisdom:

Why Non-Violent Protest Will Never Help Asians. (Note: this isn't quite as good as a Black Panthers or Malcolm X speech on the same topic)

NYU Tisch School of the Arts Incident 1

Diary of an Attack

What's most remarkable about these posts is that they were ever published to begin with. I know that's been said repeatedly in regards to the "Why I Hate Blacks" column but I didn't realize the depths of Eng's paranoid delusions until reading all his back columns. The various people who left comments under the web-versios of the column already knew he was crazy - and unfit for newspaper publishing - months ago.

It becomes even more confusing as to why Asian Weak ever agreed to give him a column, or at the very least, KEEP a column. While Eng has NOW been severed from the publication, I think in this case, there's going to have to be some other heads that roll though, one can note in their masthead - their Editor-at-Large is Ted Fang, son of the publisher, and presumably, he's not about to get fired. I would think EIC Samson Wong should be cleaning out his desk sometime soon too.

By the way, here's the paper's too-little-too-late mea cupla.

*Picture courtesy of Soulstrut

--O.W.