MUSIC AND PARENTHOOD
baby boogaloo
In the comments section of a previous post, Hashim asked me: "Oliver- does fatherhood affect your outlook or taste in music? Do you think it will in the future?"
I've actually spent some idle time thinking about this since my daughter was born back in February. I know when my friend Jeff's kids were born, he found himself engaging with music in new ways, more or less listening through their ears for a change. This taught him, among other things, to appreciate a lot of pop/commercial music that he otherwise might have brushed off. I learned something in that process too since Jeff would write about these experiences in his columns. It's influenced my own re-engagement with "pop" (I meant this in a large, expansive sense of the term and not just the Britney/boy band definition) since, the way I see it, if a five year old can enjoy a song, it probably can't be that bad on some basic levels.
I ask many of my interviewees who have kids how they relate to music vis-a-vis their children. Most recently, I had a long conversation with Santana (Carlos, not Juelz) this past week and he's got three kids, all teens or older. It was interesting to learn that he really re-engaged with contemporary pop, R&B, hip-hop, etc. through his kids. I'm sure, in no small way, they helped contribute to him recording Supernatural and the two albums since (though, in all fairness, Clive Davis also had much to do with it too).
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I asked rappers if they let their young kids listen to hip-hop. Most don't try to really corral their kids' listening habits too fiercely. They don't force feed any music but they might monitor more "inappropriate" content if its deemed too sexual, violent, etc. In my interview with Common earlier this year, he was saying how he wants to make sure his daughter (who's still an adolescent) understands the lyrics she recites, such as "Get Low."
I remember the guys from De La Soul (this was back around 1996) joking that their kids didn't even listen to hip-hop, or if they did, it was the most commercial stuff around. Master P was a different situation altogether since he was trying to groom his son Romeo to be the next Michael Jackson - minus all the freaky stuff - so he was probably the most hands-on in terms of his son's musical education and career.
But in terms of how parenthood has changed my outlook on music...I don't think it has in overt ways. There's been unintentional consequences: the rigors of fatherhood, especially as a stay-at-home dad, mean that I don't get to listen to as much music as I once did. I have a stack of 12"s that's at least 50 deep sitting on my office floor, dating back at least half a year, that I still haven't gotten around to listening too. Don't even ask about my CD stacks.
But beyond just the logistical aspects of it...I haven't yet retuned my consciousness into thinking about music through Ella's ears. In other words, I don't wonder whether or not she'd be into the same songs I'd like. And in terms of content, I'm no more or less critical of lyrical content and politics now then when I was before. Again, this might change as she gets older and I realize how her exposure to pop culture is shaping her consciousness. I'm just not very good at projecting that far ahead though.
I can't speak for anyone but I don't think parenthood changes your relationship to music so much as simply growing older. The older one gets, sometimes, the harder it is to reconcile that with the music they loved as youth...especially if the music has evolved beyond recognition. Obviously, this applies to hip-hop fairly well.
For me though, I think I've tried to avoid finding comfort in music that rings of nostalgia. This probably explains why I never understood why people went crazy for the last Little Brother album or De La Soul's uneven Art Official Intelligence series. Yet, it seemed like everyone over 30 really dug on them. I just didn't get it. I don't know if I want to get it.
It's not like I force myself to like Young Jeezy or Slim Thug or any of the other newcomer MCs that have all the dope boys goin' crazy. What I try to do is leave myself open to all this. I don't have to love it, but I should be open-minded to at least liking it. Believe me, when I find myself listening to the Ying Yang Twins and I'm enjoying myself? That's a pretty big step for someone who used to write almost exclusively on independent, underground hip-hop.
In any case, returning to parenthood...I'll leave off by saying that I don't go out of my way to play music for my daughter though music floats through her daily life constantly: at home, in the car. She's too young to remember any of this but I like the idea that all the sounds in the background will form part of her subconscious set of experiences.
It might seem strange that for someone who DJs and audioblogs and used to do radio, etc...I don't feel a compulsion to guide Ella's musical education...at least not for a while. Maybe once she's older and we're able to communicate more directly, I'll make it a point to try to gauge her tastes: does she like hip-hop? Or soul? Or jazz? Is she responding to rhythms and/or melodies? For now, I'm happy that she'll respond to certain songs and often times, I'll pick her up and swing her to the beat, just to give her a sense of what rhythm feels like. That's really more about connecting with your kids and using music to do it rather than a focus on the music specifically. They're still good moments though.
Bottomline though? As I say, everyone should give their child a sound education. Now...as to whether or not Ella will have open run at anything in my record collection that she might want...hmm...I'll have to get back to you on that one.
By the way - I'm so sending Ella to something like this when she's old enough.
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