PHELPS IS NOT THE GREATEST OLYMPIAN EVER

I got more medals than Snow White got dwarfs

Michael Phelps winning eight gold medals in a single Olympics? An amazing accomplishment.

But does Phelps deserve the title of "Greatest Olympian Ever" for winning the most gold medals in a single Olympics?

Not in my book.

From my amateur armchair vantage point, swimmers are the only category of athletes to realistically have a chance of winning eight medals in a single Olympics.

A quick scan of the official website suggests that it would be far more impressive for an athlete in any other sport to achieve eight gold medals -- especially since most sports don't even get eight different events. Even with Phelps dominating, swimmers still comprise the largest group of multiple medal winners thus far in the 2008 Olympics.

Male swimmers can compete in 17 different events. Sure, the skills involved vary, but they all consist of swimming. Thus, Michael Phelps can cherry-pick from 17 different options and select the eight he is most likely to win.

In contrast, male runners -- who seem to have the second highest number of choices -- only have nine events in which they can compete. (Track and field, or "Athletics," has about 23 events for men, but those events are split into javelin throw, pole vault, etc.)

Other examples: male gymnasts can pick from eight events. Female shooters can win, at most, seven. Tennis players can choose from two.

Plus, there's the fact that the physics of aquatics and the mechanics of the human body allow swimmers to jump from one event to the next in ways that weightlifters, boxers, wrestlers, pitchers, and handballers cannot.

Thus, is it really fair to say that Michael Phelps is a "greater" athlete than Rafael Nadal, Kobe Bryant, Katerina Emmons, Yang Wei, or to use historical examples -- Carl Lewis?

The comparison only seems valid if, for example, Rafa had the chance to compete in 17 different tennis events and chose his best eight. Surely, Nadal would take gold medals in five-set singles, three-set singles, ground strokes, clay courts, first serves, second serves, backhands, and the 10-meter topspin.

So call me a hater, but I think it's more appropriate to call Michael Phelps the greatest swimmer in the history of Olympic swimmers.

Given that gymnasts have far fewer events in which they can compete, I say it's more apropos to proclaim Larissa Latynina the greatest Olympian ever.

(I'm sure that other pundits are pointing out similar sentiments, but I'm too lazy to check. Also, I spent five minutes researching, so don't hold me accountable. Finally, I'm happy to concede that I am jealous of Michael Phelps' abs.)

--Junichi

HYPOCRISY ON ITS KNEES

The George Michael of Florida politics?

Normally, I don't care about politicians' sex lives.

I do care about hypocrisy, however, especially when a politician's private life is in direct conflict with the morals and laws that he advocates forcing on others.

But at this point, there are so many anti-gay politicians being outed, so many anti-prostitution flesh pressers being caught for solicitation, and so many pro-marriage politicos being exposed for adultery, that it's rarely worth mentioning.

Do we really need Larry Flynt to remind us that "Republican family values" is an oxymoron?

That said, there is something noteworthy about the latest sex scandal starring Florida Republican state representative Bob Allen (pictured above).

Allen was arrested yesterday for allegedly offering to pay $20 to give oral sex to an undercover male cop in a public restroom.

Not surprisingly, this is the same man who authored a failed "Lewd Or Lascivious Exhibition Act" and has advocated for mandatory life sentences without the possibility of parole for sexual predators.

Again, the legislator's hypocrisy is barely worth mentioning, even if the alleged act took place in a town called Titusville.

What is worth noting, however, is that when you go to Rep. Allen's official website, it says this his sole recreational interest is "water sports."

I'm guessing Rep. Allen has never worn a wetsuit.

--Junichi