WHEN A MAN LOVES A MAN
Don't be fooled by the jewels that he's got
When George Michael came out of the closet in the late 90s, he was challenged about the honesty of his song lyrics, given his frequent crooning of love songs.
The better half of Wham! replied:
"Over the years some people say they felt deceived because I'd not come out before but I can honestly say I stopped making my lyrics gender-specific once I knew inside me I was at least bisexual and probably gay. And that was from the age of 24 or so, when I made Faith."Hence, after George Michael, artists who write gender-neutral love songs today often invite rumors of their sexuality.
Those singers who are actually out (e.g., Michael Stipe, k.d. lang, Elton John) rarely release gender-specific same-sex love songs. Have you ever heard a "gay" love song on the radio?
Moreover, in our hyper-homophobic society, many male singers rumoured to be gay or seemingly insecure about their "manliness" often go overboard to perform songs about women.
This is all a long preamble to introduce my new hypothesis / hope / plan ...
From now on, whenever I hear a man sing or rap about a woman, I will assume he is actually referring to a man.
Let's test it out, shall we? Herewith are some famous song lyrics with only the genders reversed:
"Around The Way Boy" - LL Cool J
I want a guy with extensions in his hair
Bamboo ear-rings, at least two pair
"Legs" - ZZ Top
He's got hair down to his fanny.
He's kinda jet set, try undo his panties.
Everytime he's dancin' he knows what to do.
Everybody wants to see if he can use it.
He's so fine / he's all mine
Girl, you got it right:
He's got legs / he knows how to use them.
"Yeah" - Usher
I saw shorty he was checkin' up on me
from the game he was spittin' in my ear
you would think that he knew me
so we decided to chill.
Conversation got heavy
he had me feelin' like he's ready to blow!
"Brown Sugar" - D'Angelo
Let me tell you 'bout this boy
Maybe I shouldn't
I met him in Philly and his name was Brown Sugar
See we be makin' love constantly
That's why my eyes are a shade blood burgundy
...
Oh Sugar when you're close to me
You love me right down to my knees
And whenever you let me hit it
Sweet like honey when it comes to me
Skin is caramel with those cocoa eyes
Even got a big brother by the name of Chocolate Thai
"Crash Into Me" - Dave Matthews Band
You’ve got your ball
You’ve got your chain
Tied to me tight tie me up again
...
When I’m holding you so boy
Close to me
Oh and you come crash
Into me
& I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
"Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix-A-Lot
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a boy walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung / wanna pull out your tongue
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Update: check out the comments for more song alterations!
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