WHAT IF WAR BROKE OUT OVER CONDOM ADS?

Seoul Sides

With Japan making new territorial claims over South Korea's Dokdo islands, tensions between South Korea and Japan are rising to disturbing levels.

Korean protesters recently slaughtered live pheasants outside the Japanese embassy. (See photo above.) The Korean government has recalled its ambassador to Japan and rejected bilateral talks.

Yesterday, Seoul further stoked the flames by banning all Japanese condom ads from subway trains.

From what I know about the dispute over Dokdo (a.k.a. Liancourt Rocks a.k.a. Takeshima a.k.a. Tical a.k.a. Johnny Blaze), South Korea has every right to own those islands and is justifiably enraged at Japan's brazen claims.

But one minor point: How can anyone ban Japanese condom ads? They're so adorable.

Look at those precious humping koalas! I just want to cuddle next to their lubricated heads and snuggle up to their itty-bitty reservoir tips. So key-yoooooooooooooot.

An ad for any one of the condoms below would similarly tickle my fancy and make any train ride so much more tolerable.

The only thing more precious would be a Hello Kitty condom with a red bow that ... wait, what's this? ... OMFG!!

Kawaii!

Which is to say, South Koreans must be totally enraged to muster the will to ban advertising for these products.

These is one Japanese condom ad, however, that should be banned everywhere. That's any ad for the "Super Big Boy" condoms below.

Condoms for horses? Ridiculous.

Given the rarity of stallions in East Asia, why would anybody want to put birth control on an equestriaschlong?

--Junichi