PITCHING THE WRONG TENT

John-Anthony Cavanagh got robbed

One of my greatest fears in life is to miss one of the first five questions on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and leave with $0.

Today, I still have anxieties about this when I'm awake and nightmares about it when asleep ... despite the fact that I already appeared on the show, did not miss any of the first five questions, and am ineligible to ever be in the hot seat again.

(Side note: Backstage, the producers on the show assured us contestants that the first five questions are designed so all contestants can reach the $1000 milestone. While this was intended to be comforting, they only exacerbated my fears of missing a question that every elementary school student knows. It was the equivalent of having Meredith precede a question with, "Ok, only a tard would miss this next question.")

The nightmares flare up after I see an actual Millionaire contestant live out my horror scenario and leave with no money.

This happened two nights ago when John-Anthony Cavanagh, a New York doorman, missed the $500 question.

What was unusual about Mr. Cavanagh's situation, however, is that I think the question he missed was patently unfair.

His $500 question was:

Q: "Whittle a stick to a sharp point" is one of the first steps in which of these traditional camping activities?"

A. Roasting marshmallows
B. Cleaning a fish
C. Collecting firewood
D. Pitching a tent

He thought about it for a second and answered D. Final answer.

There were no gasps from the audience.

When Meredith told him the correct answer was A, he conjured up a familiar look of horror that compelled me to take a photo of my television:

Let me begin by saying that I respect the writers on Millionaire. Their questions are consistently creative, thoughtful, and detailed, avoiding the ambiguities that often surface when most amateurs write trivia questions.

But the $500 question above is inexcusable because A and D are both correct answers.

While a stick with a sharp point is undoubtedly useful for roasting a marshmallow (if you don't have a skewer), it's also useful for pitching a tent (if you don't have a peg).

Normally, the Millionaire writers include some extra bit of information -- e.g., "Kraft's Jet Puffed brand's packaging states that ..." or "According to campfire.com, ...-- to ensure that only one answer is correct. But there's nothing that clearly eliminates D as a reasonable answer.

Granted, a person could concoct explanations for how a sharp stick might be useful in cleaning fish (Choice B) or collecting firewood (Choice C). But that would require a serious leap and a creative imagination.

In contrast, it takes no work to imagine how a sharp stick would be useful in anchoring a tent. In fact, as a former Boy Scout, I'm sure that I once found myself short a tent peg and used a sharp stick to replace it.

If John-Anthony Cavanagh is anything like me, he's going to be reliving that nightmare every few minutes. Especially if he Googles himself and discovers my photos of his fifteen seconds in the spotlight of national humiliation. But he owes it to himself to appeal.

In conclusion, John-Anthony Cavanagh deserves a second chance in that Millionaire hot seat and I need to find better things to do with my time.

--Junichi