VP CANDIDATE FOR McCAIN: TONY ZIRKLE

McCAIN / ZIRKLE 2008?

As a public service, Poplicks will be periodically submitting suggestions to Senator John McCain for potential running mates.

After a substantial vetting process, here is our first nominee for consideration to be the GOP 's next Vice President of the United States:

TONY ZIRKLE

• PROFESSION: Attorney, Former Prosecutor
  

• MILITARY EXPERIENCE: Attended the Naval Academy

• EDUCATION: Graduated cum laude from Georgetown; law degree from Indiana University

• AGE: Much younger than McCain
  

• POLITICAL EXPERIENCE: Currently seeking the GOP nomination for Indiana’s 2nd Congressional District; receiving significant local and nationwide press coverage

• BELIEVES IN GUN RIGHTS: On his own website, he proposes enacting a "'Derrenger's for Dildos' policy to put guns in American women's hands instead of divorce aids."
  

• TOUGH ON CRIME: Wants to bring back the guillotine
  

• FAMILY VALUES: Major anti-pornography crusader; strongly believes that pornography is a Jewish plot against women

• HAS IDEAS FOR IMPROVING THE ECONOMY: Believes that work productivity is significantly reduced because of employees surfing for Internet porn; recession would therefore end after he bans pornography
  

• STRAIGHT TALK POTENTIAL: Believes that white people are the victims of a "genocide"; open to idea that all racial groups in the United States should be segregated into different states.

• WILLING TO REACH OUT TO IGNORED GROUPS: Recently attended a birthday party for Adolf Hitler hosted by a White Supremacist party adorning swastikas
  

• GREAT SOUND BYTES: When asked to defend his appearance at the group's Sieg-Heil-ing gathering, he replied, "I'll speak before any group that invites me ... I've spoken on an African-American radio station in Atlanta."

In sum, Zirkle is an honest and fearless man with nearly flawless Republican credentials. What could go wrong?

You're welcome, John.

--Junichi