SOY HOMOSEXUAL

Got gay?

According to this article, soy causes boys to become gay.

I don't have enough any scientific knowledge to refute the author's claim that ingesting soy involves intaking mounds of estrogen, thereby suppressing a boy's "masculinity," and also leading to "a decrease in the size of the penis." But gimme a break. (I sho deserve it!) Oh, he also hints that soy is the cause of our nation's obesity problem. I wonder if soy also destroys the ozone layer and causes herpes.

The author cites to no authority to back up his claims, simply asserting that "[r]esearch is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you're giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day."

I'm not sure who or what is behind this propaganda, but I'm guessing the answer begins with D and rhymes with "Hairy Industry."

Apparently, the "Got Milk?" campaign was too homoerotic and not effectively marketing to the homophobes of America.

FYI: I'm not linking to the article because I take it seriously, but because it's a hilarious read.

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Perhaps now is a good time to share a random soy-related story.

When I was in Barcelona a few years ago, I entered a cafe -- and being completely sleep-deprived -- pondered ordering a mocha. Being lactose intolerant, like 98% of my Asian brethren, I inquired whether I could order the mocha with soy milk.

I asked in English, "I'd like a mocha if you can make it with soy milk."

The barista didn't speak English, so I asked, using my limited Spanish,"Yo quiero una copa de mocha. Tiene leche de soy?"

(I didn't know how to say "soy milk" in Spanish. And apparently "copa" is best translated as a "goblet," not a "cup.")

He said, "Si!"

I wanted to make sure. "Tiene soy leche?"

He replied, "Si!"

For good measure, I asked "Soy leche? Quiero una mocha con soy leche."

He insisted, "Si! Si!"

I then watched the barista make my mocha drink using regular milk, and not soy milk.

It was only after I left the cafe that I realized that my repeatedly emphasizing "Soy Leche!" translates in Spanish to "I Am milk!"

Obviously, the barista thought my command of Spanish was especially bad, which is true. But I was not a crazy American who was yelling "I am milk!"

--Junichi