X MARKS THE DICK (AND OTHER RANDOM RAVES)

Circle does not get the square

Yesterday, when CNN broadcast Dick Cheney's speech live, a large black "X" repeatedly flashed over the Vice President's decrepit and diabolic face. I didn't actually notice this since I normally see a big flashing X over the face of all members of the Bush adminstration. Technical glitch or not, CNN gets a random rave from me. (Credit: N. Karlsgodt)

Here's other stuff on the Internets that I'd like to praise like I should:

• George W. Bush speechwriter: You can now remix Dubya audio clips to create your own Bush speech. For example: "We are a slaveholding society and I will now attack the innocent (applause)." Sadly, the fake quotes aren't much different than the real quotes.

• Translate British to American!: With the aid of this website, you can finally understand what your English co-worker Figgy Puddington means when he says, "Take your grotty bell end and shove it in a jacket potato - bob's your uncle!"

• The Phat Phree: The Onion has competition! Check out Rob Sanford's "Your Mother, Blow Me Vie for Jr Class VP" (by the way, Rob Sanford is the nom de plume for one of Poplicks' bureau chiefs.)

• Website of Niki Cruise: This Tom Cruise fansite was created by Niki Yan (who changed her name to Niki Cruise), the author of My Love for You, Tom Cruise -- A Desparate Chinese Girl's Confession. Self-described as "Tom Cruise’s favorite Chinese girl ever!", Niki apparently got to meet Cruise. This is frightening since her website includes statements like "if things don’t work out with Katie, I would be here to clean up your mess. If I don’t get to marry you this life, I will make sure I marry you next life (when we both become cats of course)." She also states that she is the perfect Mrs. Cruise because she is "pathetic" and she buys her "China girl underwears in K-mart." Regardless of whether this is serious or not, it's awesome. You can even call her.
  

• The Onion: Check out "First Report On Long-Term Effects Of Breakdancing Released". Here's an excerpt:
  

More than two decades after the breakdancing craze peaked, the first data on its long-term health effects was published Tuesday in the Strong Island Journal Of Medicine. "We've found permanent shoulder pop, elbow lock, and spin-neck in '80s-era breakdancers," said Dr. Young MD, the report's author. "For years, many subjects had thrown their hands in the air without exercising the proper care."

Brilliant.

--Junichi