Thursday, May 01, 2008

VP CANDIDATE FOR McCAIN: TONY ZIRKLE


McCAIN / ZIRKLE 2008?


As a public service, Poplicks will be periodically submitting suggestions to Senator John McCain for potential running mates.

After a substantial vetting process, here is our first nominee for consideration to be the GOP 's next Vice President of the United States:

TONY ZIRKLE
  • PROFESSION: Attorney, Former Prosecutor
  • MILITARY EXPERIENCE: Attended the Naval Academy
  • EDUCATION: Graduated cum laude from Georgetown; law degree from Indiana University
  • AGE: Much younger than McCain
  • POLITICAL EXPERIENCE: Currently seeking the GOP nomination for Indiana’s 2nd Congressional District; receiving significant local and nationwide press coverage
  • BELIEVES IN GUN RIGHTS: On his own website, he proposes enacting a "'Derrenger's for Dildos' policy to put guns in American women's hands instead of divorce aids."
  • TOUGH ON CRIME: Wants to bring back the guillotine
  • FAMILY VALUES: Major anti-pornography crusader; strongly believes that pornography is a Jewish plot against women
  • HAS IDEAS FOR IMPROVING THE ECONOMY: Believes that work productivity is significantly reduced because of employees surfing for Internet porn; recession would therefore end after he bans pornography
  • STRAIGHT TALK POTENTIAL: Believes that white people are the victims of a "genocide"; open to idea that all racial groups in the United States should be segregated into different states.
  • WILLING TO REACH OUT TO IGNORED GROUPS: Recently attended a birthday party for Adolf Hitler hosted by a White Supremacist party adorning swastikas


  • GREAT SOUND BYTES: When asked to defend his appearance at the group's Sieg-Heil-ing gathering, he replied, "I'll speak before any group that invites me ... I've spoken on an African-American radio station in Atlanta."

In sum, Zirkle is an honest and fearless man with nearly flawless Republican credentials. What could go wrong?

You're welcome, John.


Labels: 2008 presidential election

--Junichi

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