McDONALDS: YOU GOT BILLIONS & BILLIONS SERVED
What'chu talkin' about, Ronald?
The latest Golden Arches news to shower on you:
- McDiversity: Black Enterprise magazine just honored McDonald's as one of the "Best Companies for Diversity in America." Is that a good thing? Isn't this equivalent to HUD congratulating Sing Sing prison for having the most racially diverse housing unit in the country? Given that the supermajority of McJobs in the fast food industry are unskilled, paid minimum wage, frequently turned over, lacking benefits, and void of vertical mobility, I say McDonald's should only be praised when their reliance on employees of color plummets.
- McPhat Farm: In an idea as ill-fated as the McDLT, McDonald's has approached FUBU, Rocawear, Russell Simmons, P. Diddy, and Tommy Hilfiger, among others, to design a new "hip" and "urban" uniform for their employees. Can you imagine a company called "For Us-By Us" designing threads for a company whose motto is "Billions and Billions Served"? I'm not lovin' it. I swear if Chuck D starts repping Mickey D's, I will drown myself in a vat of nugget grease. Hey, McMarketing team: if you had any sense, you would have chosen Wu-Wear. Because when you flip the W upside down ... Bam! It's the golden arches! McWord!
- McAsians: Just in case you thought they were only targeting the black community, let me remind you that McDonald's owns the domain to http://www.I-Am-Asian.com. While providing a list of "what holidays Asian and Pacific Islander Americans celebrate," this harebrained site bombards you with images like this:
Here's the implied caption for the above photo: "When I get upset at my Chinese New Year parade lion dance partner, Wang, for getting up in my grill and trying to enter my dragon, I like to wash down my anger with a Filet-O-Fish, which is the seafood dish of choice for assimilated Asian Americans like myself."
On the main page, there is a slide show of various Asian Americans chowing down happy meals. (What, no chopsticks?) But in a peculiar twist, the last photo in the montage features a dog with an "I am Asian" shirt. Aside from a potential shout-out to the Shitzu or the Pekingese, what is the message there? FYI, McDonald's: We're not dogs, although we prefer to eat them over your foul hot mustard sauce.
Where did they get this photo of O-Dub & me at the beach?
Does anybody believe they care about Asian Pacific American heritage? What a Ray Kroc of sh!t.
- Bringing the McBeef: McDonald's just sent $254,773.19 to a Hindu Heritage Endowment fund. But before you conclude that McDonald's makes generous donations to worthy causes, you should know that this payment was part of the court-ordered $10 million settlement after McDonald's was caught cooking their "vegetarian" french fries with beef tallow.
- McRobbery: Finally, early yesterday morning, a masked man, armed with a pistol, robbed a South Carolina McDonald's and forced employees into a walk-in freezer before escaping with significant assets. I'm not saying I know who did it, but I'm guessing the suspect looks something like this:
Robble Robble!
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