THE SWAN (LITERALLY): PLASTIC SURGERY FOR ANIMALS
Danny: Best in Show or Breast in Show?
During the last few years, scandal has tainted many of our competitive sports: Stereoids and baseball. Kobe and basketball. Tax fraud and Survivor.
But the sport tarnished with the most Clintonesque of stains is the Crufts Dog Show, held annually in Birmingham, UK.
Back in the spring of 2003, rumors began circulating that Danny, the three-year Pekinese dog who won the "Supreme Champion" top prize at Crufts, had received a face lift.
At first, I assumed that these were just vicious rumors spread by jealous bitches and their human owners.
But while Danny's title has never been stripped away, allegations of Danny's facelift have been deemed credible in the doggy dogg world.
As it turns out, Danny seems to have spawned a contagious outbreak of animal plastic surgery.
Dr. Edgard Brito, for example, now specializes in providing wrinkle-reduction, eyebrow-correction, facelifts, and botox for dogs. He opines that, "Beauty is desirable. We all like talking to someone who looks good and smells nice. It's the same with dogs."
Indeed, since most show judges can't tell when an animal has received a nip/tuck, many pet "guardians" have resorted to plastic surgery to "fix" hereditary defects and enhance their pets' chances for a trophy. Some surgeons have apparently even concealed missing testicles by attaching a prosthesis.
One of the most blatant examples of overkill is Neuticles -- testicular implants for neutered pets to help them feel less emasculated. The company recently upped the ante with its new Neuticles UltraPLUS® with ScarRetard.
So now, pet show enthusiasts never know when some chihuahua has been injected with Restylane to permanently raise its flaccid ears.
Even worse, as the standard of pet beauty shifts toward the Pamela Andersons of the pet world, animals undoubtedly feel pressure to surgically alter their appearances.
I know this firsthand because ever since Animal Planet started airing Extreme Makeover-type shows, my dog seems less excited about licking himself and is far more selective in the bums he chooses to sniff.
So the next time you spend quality time with your animal companion, sharing a dessert made for humans and animals, tell him/her, "You are beautiful -- no matter what they say."
Because otherwise, you might come home to find your pet looking like this:
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